How do other lone parents manage with lack of intimacy

[WinterSnowFox]

So I’m ok being alone but how do other lone parents manage with lack of sex? I guess we are not all spending years celibate? Do most single mums have a fwb? It’s been 7 YEARS for me and it’s been hard! (I’m only 35) Not for lack of interest just lack of opportunity/ no time alone. It’s not just sex I also miss kissing and hugging and general intimacy.

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn
You are a wonderful, patient, human. Hats off to you to keep trying to help the op, despite the vitriol.

You would be surprised how many men can make themselves available during school hours.

I have been single for 10 years, it has been tricky as both my DD’s have SEN’s, I am lucky that their father does see them but only for a few hours each week. I started OLD and met quite a few people, have had several FWB and have explained to many that I don’t want a full relationship due to having dc home.

I wouldn’t consider going back to a ex for sex, it could cause so many issues.
Join a OLD app, you will be surprised how many men will meet up for a coffee during the week, lots are self employed and can make time. It does get easier as your dc get older but totally get how lonely it can feel when they are small.

You can’t force someone to have 50/50, I wish you could. My ex has dd2 for a few hours a week, if I ask for more he makes excuses. He has a great life, new partner, goes out doing what he likes whilst I raise his kids, there’s nothing I can do about it, you can’t force someone to have their kids.

I’m ignoring that poster from now on I’m not even sure why a happily married woman is commenting on a lone parent group or in a single parents group if you are so happily married you have no idea what it’s like to be a lone parent and now that I’ve posted the messages to prove it’s not me “chasing him” 🙄🤦‍♀️ now had to find more lies to try to explain it 😂 these messages have been sent all at various points during the break up and there’s many more of them. It’s actually why I blocked him on WhatsApp as he seemed too focused on me.

Don't you get bored of changing your name and starting the same threads over and over again?
They always end the same with you disagreeing with people and not taking on board anyone's advice or opinions anyway.

For years you have said your ex is useless, he doesn't bother with his children, he doesn't help you, he can't be bothered to work and he doesn't help financially either.

Would you really fuck a man like that? What is that saying to him and your children about the way he treats you all? The messages you have put up are old, why are you hanging onto what is written in them?
Do you really think a man that doesn't travel to see his children would travel to fuck you?

Why don't you focus on making yours and your children's lives better without him around instead of chasing someone that doesn't want you?

Your children deserve much better than this mess and I think you do too.

I don’t want him either. Only want one thing. Thanks though.

Op, you are exceptionally unwise to ignore a poster who is talking sense simply because it's not what you want to hear.

You don't seem to have considered that the only reason she is responding is out of kindness to help a stranger.

On the one hand, it's your life, fuck it up as you wish. But on the other, you're not considering your kids AT ALL. Can you imagine if one of them walks in on/hears you and this useless man shagging? What kind of a message do you think they get from that?!?

Kindness? Where on earth has that poster been kind? 😂 and I’ve posted pics that proves she’s talking BS. He apparently one said these things because I opened a child maintenance claim when clearly you can see they have been sent over a period of time, one in October for my birthday, ignored one in December at Xmas ignored, on on new years, one in the summer; yet they’ve only been because I opened a claim when one of the messages ASKS me if I want money?? 😂 and I’ve always had a
claim open I closed it once in 7 years and these messages span over the years there’s plenty more of them. Some people clearly like to gaslight people on here even when I’ve proven it with messages and they are being “kind” ? Really, well tbh it’s only pushed me
more into it so this thread has been extremely helpful. It’s a shame how angry some people get that they try to gaslight over people what is it about exes that makes some women so angry? Hmm

let me rephrase that. Asked if I need money for the children before my wording gets twisted. He wanted to contact me so much he sent money into my account with a message to call him because he couldn’t get hold of me because I hadn’t responded to his messages but yes I’m chasing him so bad.

Op are you for real? Typical messages from an opportunistic 'baby dad'. Are actually serious? Come on now.

Don't call for it. You think he's been celibate for 7 years? That he's not asking to see other women? That he loves you and isn't just trying to have sex or fill time?

I don’t care if he loves me 🤦‍♀️ it’s a set up till the kids grow up. He can say no if he’s with someone.

You're horny. That's understandable.

What not understandable is that you think your ex is your ONLY option.

That is absolutely not the case.

Someone else will require a bit more effort on your part, yes, but it's likely to be so much more rewarding.

Take on some of the great advice in this post to find an alternative shag.

Sex with your ex is really, really not a good idea.

Your children will be at school all day.

Am I remembering correctly that you work from home?

You must be entitled to some sort of break?

Lunch time? That's 5 chances a week to meet someone during the day and flirt, get to know them.

Men will make themselves available for sex.

Get on a dating app, put your info in even specify you want a FWB. You'll be fighting them off!

I agree. In the face of being insulted and disparaged you have kept to the facts and tried to help @WillYouPutYourCoatOn . Sadly some people claim to want help/ advice but have no intention of taking it, no matter how wise or kindly expressed.

Kindness? Where on earth has that poster been kind? 😂 and I’ve posted pics that proves she’s talking BS. He apparently one said these things because I opened a child maintenance claim when clearly you can see they have been sent over a period of time, one in October for my birthday, ignored one in December at Xmas ignored, on on new years, one in the summer

She has been exceptionally kind and patient in trying to get you to see reality, actually. As everyone here can see, except for you.

You believe all of this nonsense he writes just because it's in a text message? I thought you said you were 35, not 15. Judge him on how he has behaved to you and your children, not his words. His actions: leaving you to raise four children alone, not speaking to you or seeing them for years, incapable of taking them out alone for even one hour, not providing for them financially, abandoning you and his children when you were pregnant, moving 90 mins away from you, refusing to work and provide for his children, failing after 7 years to even get an appropriate place for them to stay so he can have proper access to them and a meaningful relationship with them.

He is a loser in every possible way that a man could be and yet you are still obsessed with trying to find any possible excuse to have sex with him. I'm sure he'll oblige. But you're delided if you think that the way he has treated you shows that he loves you just because he wrote it in a text message. Has it never occured to you that - when he isn't blocking you and no contact with his children for years - he sends such messages because he has no better offers and knows you're likely to oblige? If that's your idea of love, and you're prepared to mess up your children when they inevitably become aware that you're having sex with him even though he has treated you all so appallingly, then there is really no helping you. How utterly selfish and deluded.

Amen.

Give it a couple of months. There'll be another name change and the same thing reposted.

Why, she continues this, is anyone's guess. Maybe she just likes arguing for "her man" and in her mind they become more of a couple, like she referred to earlier, if she creates this online fantasy, defending them both.

In all of it, there's no provision for the effect on the children. I guess that's what makes so many people try and get her to see how she's not just ruining her life. I guess she'll do it regardless. It's so sad.

Likely to oblige? Yet we haven’t had sex in 7 years despite his attempts 😂 will finally give in now though not making it 10 years

He’s been trying it on for years but yeah it’s all in my head. He can say no simple. And I won’t be back to post as it will be out of my system. Been trying for years 🤷‍♀️🙄

If this is the best examples, in seven years of someone in love trying it on, I'd hate to see what she thinks someone not interested in the slightest looks like.

This looks like a lame effort teenage boy talking to one of the many teenage girls that he's got no intention of ever meeting up with.

Oh my God @WinterSnowFox I'm cringing reading your latest posts

Stop sharing your texts & WhatsApp messages here.

(And no, they are not indicative about any positive aspect of this man. Judge him by his actions, why don't you? 🤷🏻‍♀️)

all the texts are in the middle of the night, op. He's opportunistic.

No one here gives a shiny shit op whether some complete loser likes you enough to get his end away or not.

What people do really care about is your children. And how much you and their father using each other for sex would completely mess them up.

Jesus, you are so right.

I was so sidetracked at the useless content, I'd entirely missed it's all at like 3am.

He's stumbled in, pissed and bored. Yet she, with 4 children to raise alone is sitting up in the early hours, eagerly replying.

This actually isn't funny at all. It's quite awful.

My personal favourite was "Happy birthday. I know its [sic] in a few days"

He can't even remember the date. 🤣

True love.

Yawn all the messages were in the middle of the night? Literally only the WhatsApp ones and that was because it was new years and we was both up late. Also he knows my birthday but nice try. The hate is really isn’t it? Jealousy I don’t know but it’s a bit pathetic to care this much about someone else’s sex life.
my kids won’t be “messed up” either not like Im one of those mums that brings a new man round every 5 mins. They’ve never seen me with a man ever. Some women have a different man round their kids every 6 months at least it’s their father I think they would prefer that than some random man who could easily be a danger to them!