Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums (Pt. 2)

[ZigZagZombie]

Shiny Fred.

I've put it here rather than Chat so we can keep it off the beaten track a little. If there's already one on Chat could some kind soul point me in the right direction please?

Hi Zombie . Started reading the original thread last night, finished this morning. Glad to see you've started another one here.

I have 2 dc, ds 11 and dd 14. On the plus side my ex (of 4 years) pays maintenance and has regular contact with the dc. On the down side he thinks his maintenance puts in him line for the Nobel Peace Prize. He also likes to pretend to the dc that I don't exist, save for passive aggressive comments about me. I do have some family fairly near by and a great set of friends.

We don't co-parent as he's too immature and bitter. We occasionally text, but arrangements are done through our dd, or a note. I've written a couple of times to say we should try and rectify this, after I initially had to stop direct communications due to his behaviour towards me. Both letters ignored, so as far as I'm concerned I'm done.

My dd has come to see those aspects of her dad which are deeply unpleasant. It's a dilemma. I'm sad for her because that's her dad, but I also think she should see him as a real person, warts and all. I don't manage their relationship with him. I'm pretty diplomatic but if I think he's in the wrong I say so. If he's said something horrible I let them know what I think. I don't pretend I like him, but I generally try and be positive about his role as their father.

I think I got hooked into the thread last night as today I feel I've run out of goodwill! I'm self employed, studying, and spend about 90% of my income on my dc. My ex earns about 4 times as much as me, spends about 40% of his income on them. He's single, no other dc or commitments. I recently asked him once - just once - to pay a small amount towards something for the dc. It followed a period of 5 weeks where I couldn't work following an accident. He told the dc he'd see what he could do. He did nothing. I told the dc this, and that I had now paid for it. I'd rather crawl down the street than ever ask him again.

As a lone parent I feel today that I'm done with:
Being the bigger person
Being good cop/bad cop and treated as bad cop
Putting on a brave face when my actual face says "fuck off"
Always putting others first
Having to be responsible 100% of the time
Having a really hard shell to protect myself

I don't often feel like this, but I feel this today in spades. My ds is very challenging at the moment, made even more difficult by his dad dripping poison in his ear. So today I've sat on MN and left him to it. I can also do a good impression of looking like I don't give a fuck - so get your own breakfast .

Sorry for long post !!

Wow - that gave War and Peace a run for it's money !!

@nicenewdusters it is relentless. But will be worth it in spades. I know my mother did all the hard work for myself and my sister growing up. My dad was rubbish. Sporadic visits and no input.

Unfortunately ex and I split up a year ago. Ds has taken it very hard and now is nc with his dad. His choice I have done all I can being positive and reassuring. Dd is much younger and thinks the sun shines out of her dad. Who hasn't paid any child support in six months. And does nothing beyond seeing her eow.

I just keep going Day by day. But I'm exhausted by it all. And only a year in.

Hi everyone! I needed this thread today because I'm currently having one of those hellish weekends where you're a single mum and so ill you can barely function. I've just started antibiotics but had a fever of 39 last night and couldn't stop shaking. Totally wiped out today. DD aged three is usually a kind little thing but she's unsettled that I'm unwell and is playing up/ trying to bully me, e.g. screaming to get me to carry her round the house when she doesn't need it. My mother is being a pain in the arse (said she couldn't help me with DD the other day when I was really ill, which was absolutely fine and I hadn't actually asked her to help, but then she did the floods of tears thing the following day when she had an audience of other family members and said "whyyy didn't you tell me you were ill the other day? I'd have come over to help you!" . Also, she's withholding sympathy because apparently I'm only ill because I don't look after myself - I do actually, or as much as you can as the single parent of a small child - but when I said I felt crap so could she stop blaming me for being ill, she had a meltdown and accused me of gaslighting her/ twisting her words and stormed out). I feel like I'm dying whilst stuck between a threenager and a drama queen mother.

Thank you Eve . Relentless is the word.

I feel like my situation is turning me, in some respects, into a person that I don't want to be. I have less of myself to give, so although I'm generally regarded as kind and a good friend etc, I have zero time and patience for "first world problems." I dislike that phrase, I know I'm being slightly unreasonable, but I don't have the capacity to care or feel guilty about it at the moment.

Goaway That sounds rough on all fronts. When you feel so vulnerable you need those around you to be on your side. When they're not it's just another kick. Hopefully another 24 hours and the antibiotics will start kicking in.

Thank you, dusters! Is it crazy that I'm tempted to go to work tomorrow because it's my only chance to have a quiet sit down and a hot drink?

to you and Eve. DD's father isn't in the picture at all, which in some ways makes things a lot easier.

Goaway - no, that doesn't seem crazy at all. My dc were 8 and 10 when I became a lone parent. If they'd been pre-school age that would have been a whole other level of difficult. Whatever age it happens it's not good, but at least when they're that bit older they're more independent physically.

I can see that not having her dad around at all does away with some of the problems, basically contact with a [insert disparaging phrase] ex ! But again, I can see that there would be/are down sides.

Thanks for the thread Zigzag

Hello! Widowed mother of 2 DD's here. They are 4 and 8 and we lost DH just before DD2 was born.

I went full time at work last year and I'm EXHAUSTED. The screens are babysitting the kids today.

Having a very relaxed day today for once, I did sort out the house a bit but apart from that it's been a lazy sunday. Ex was supposed to take kids out for tea tonight but cancelled earlier so I don't have anything planned for tea

hello to everyone who's just joined us! :) Relentless indeed.

This morning I bought myself new pyjamas and a book - and that was my plan. Actuality: separating them from fighting and getting closer and closer to losing my rag. I've also managed to throw out the instruction book to my new power tool in a fit of "FGS clean up your bloody mess for the recycling". What could possibly go wrong?

Today I also managed to knock off the giant scab holding my "tick wound" together and am very pleased no expletives exited my mouth. I was in a shop of course and was expecting fountains of blood because MRSA had got in to the wound and so the scab had formed a sort of volcanic thing - fuck me, I'm sexy! Anyway despite threatening to go a bit Norman Bates I made it home with little whinging (from me, not the kids - they whinged).

Now I'm torn between catching up on the monstrosities and delightful viewing pleasure of "Celeb dating" - or crawling into bed with my book. I haven't checked anyone's schoolbag and half their uniforms are in the tumble dryer. Meh.

I cannot WAIT until they go to school tomorrow and I can re-affix my head and work!

Hope you took the bed and book option Zombie . I decided to do sweet FA today, as the comedian Mickey Flannigan says "proper old fashioned fuck all"

My two were at their dads, house and it's contents in reasonable shape, food shop done, so I've drunk tea, been on MN and watched stuff for my course on YouTube. No fucks given, no guilt felt, and I'm pretty happy with that.

Place marking! I’m finding weekends much harder than midweek. Midweek we have our routine and school where Saturdays are much harder, I’m exhausted from having them all week alone and feeling the pressure to be fun, then Sunday is work before we are back to midweek again. Exhausting- I go to bed so early These days! In other news I bough a really nice Swiss roll from Aldi today and had a huge slab after my lunch. Should power me through the decorating!

Zigzag - celebs go dating has been my guilty pleasure the last week . So funny .

Hello all! Thanks for the thread. My DS turned one last week and I went back to work a few weeks ago. Finding it both harder and easier. I do actually like going to the office and having adult company and I'm grateful I can WFH two days per week so that avoids a commute every day. It's hard to stay mentally focused though as my son has never slept very well, and I feel even tireder than I did at weekends.... well it's not really a weekend when you're a lone parent is it? Trying to watch the pennies after being on maternity leave so long but I try to do something nice with DS every weekend such as swimming/rhyme time etc. Really projecting forward to a couple of months when hopefully I will have moved house nearer to family to get a bit more support through the week.

Oh yes! DS (15) hates me and believes all the poison his father drips in his ear. DD is 5 and while lovely is absolutely exhausting, extremely demanding and regularly wakes before 6 in the morning.

I have a lovely DP who we see at the weekend. We spend all our free time parenting the 5 year old (DS hates him.) Afternoons are the park or something like that and evenings are spent watching tv (while I fall asleep on the sofa)

The kids dad sees the teen sporadically and the 5 year old never. No other family nearby.

I work full time. I'm fucking knackered!

Did comment on the other thread at some point.

Single parent of two autistic children, one with other health issues as well as we are "greedy" and have four diagnoses for her.

Knackered. Things have improved as ex is now having the children on his own. I supervised access for 7 years, as he was not very good at spotting danger and keeping them safe or managing meltdowns.

Sometimes I feel guilty that they are at their dad's again, but he would have to do seven years straight to make it even.

He pays maintenance and I do not work. I would have had to take 21 full days off work and 10 half days to accommodate the number of appointments since September for them, plus another 5 or so for illnesses. We are only half way through the year.

I failed this morning, it was after 9 before I realised I'd sent them off to school with no snacks - so dog and I made a detour via school. Praise sweet baby cheeses for WFH.

I have been awake since 3:30am and I'm cream-crackered so am crawling up to my pit.

MissB My youngest seems to require less sleep than me - it's bloody exhausting.

wendz I'm a few episodes behind so need a catch up - it's a funny ol' world where Megan comes across as the "nice one"!

So tired this morning, dd2 might have a flu or something she had a bit if a temp yesterday. And I had to take dd1 to hospital and then both to dentist.

I haven't got anything in for school lunch so I've got to run to the shops now.

I am feeling so worn out after a day off work

one is having a really pointless meltdown because she can't find her fucking Tictacs, oh fuck off you scoffed them all yesterday.

But they are up and ready for school

and my clothes have that musty stale washing machine smell

disney You are having a rough morning. Get the kids to school and put some miles on your new boots. Good podcast for a long stomp? Male privilege right there - I'd never go hiking with headphones on.

I'm not doing packed lunch today as they're on Full Pancake Red Alert [tm]. #offthehook

Morning, lone parent, one teen, I work from home, yesterday I worked in my pjs, ate rubbish, and currently sitting on the sofa eating malt loaf for breakfast before work, living the dream

Morning all. Sorry your morning has been chaos already. Pack them off to school and hope you can get some respite@disneyspendingmoney

@Villanellesproudmum sounds very much like my day. My diet is terrible. I don't drink or smoke. Or have a life. So I eat far to many biscuits. Would really like to eat better but it is comfort eating I know.

Good morning! Please can I join you lovely ladies.

Single parent to 1yo DS. DS' father is a joke and has 30 minutes of contact a week - I'm not sure why he bothers.

DS also doesn't sleep still. Last night was hourly wake ups ahhhh.

Back to work in 4 weeks after mat leave.

Thankfully I have a very supportive family around me to help me with DS or I might have gone mad by now.