Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums (Pt. 2)

[ZigZagZombie]

Shiny Fred.

I've put it here rather than Chat so we can keep it off the beaten track a little. If there's already one on Chat could some kind soul point me in the right direction please?

Re CMS - I put in my claim in April. April 2018. My son turned one a week or so ago. No money; nada. Annnnnnny day now.... I wrote them a three page letter a few weeks ago explaining that it is impossible to prove a negative (they had requested evidence that DS' father hadn't made payments which I told them was complete nonsense).

Today has been a mess, I cried because I couldn't find my glasses and managed to loose my phone whilst I was looking. Then locked myself out of the house because I left my keys on the table, luckily my brother has a spare key. I think I've lost my memory too by the looks of things

Had pancakes here. Not giving up anything for Lent. Gave up wine one year. Big mistake.

Bit better Thanks. I went to bed with the biggest bar of chocolate I’ve ever seen, woke in the night feeling terrible with some pretty dark thoughts but feeling s bit better this morning. Evenings and nights always the worst.

I finally broke this morning, I got into an actual fight with s bloke over dogs in a children's playpark.

If X gets to know if it it will be more pain about my parenting

I'm going to have to see my GP today, I can't stop crying

With my toxic X in the background, dd1 being excluded because the idiot took a plastic knife to school and everything on top of that, I feel totally broken.

At times it's just too much.

I've got to hold it together for the dds

Shit, sorry to hear that disney. GP sounds like a sensible option. It’ll help to get you through.

Glad you are feeling a little better Naps. You really are in the thick of it.

For all of you having a shit time/dealing with shit: it won’t be this shit forever. Some days you just have to put one foot in front of the other and that’s as good as it gets. That’s good enough and all that is necessary.

O4FS thanks for being kind and listening It's the anger I have if all of this. That's what I need to get manage. Getting into that fight is self harm I can rationalise that, but at times it's too much.

I've told the X no more sneaky unagreed contact and to not tell the dds she "pays" to see them.

Frankly, it's a lifestyle change I need, away from the dump I live in from having to look after the X's dogs (that I don't like) and a better place for the dds to grow and thrive in.

It wasn't fault thus morning I shouldn't have called them c**TS for letting their dogs shit in a children's playpark, should just have walked on by.

Disney I know we've disagreed on previous posts but I couldnt not say anything. I feel for you buddy. Keep going

Parent999 Thank you for understanding, I appreciate your response.

disney I'm so sorry things are as they are. Do you have a good GP? That can make all the difference.

You know, when it all gets too much for me I phone Samaritans, just to calm me down. They have been brilliant. I find that friends and family want to offer solutions (human nature, I understand), but sometimes there are no solutions, you just want to off-load to someone/anyone.

Morning all. Sounds like a few going through it at the moment. You will
Come out the other side. Last year was the worst for me. Ex left. He paid no child support ds was self harming ss were involved at one brief point. and I was a mess. No one wanted to help. Ds is still on the waiting list for camhs. You just got to go through hour by hour if necessary.

@disneyspendingmoney it sounds like you are dealing with so much at the moment. Glad to hear you are going to the gp. Have you looked into counselling. I had some through a local charity for £10 a hour. It was a safe place for me to off load. Hope school can be more supportive.

@Napssavelives sorry to hear you are struggling. Hope you have some support around you. Have you been to your gp?

@Eggstatic my memory is rubbish. I think it is the brain in survival mode. Hope you have good people around you.

Yeah for pancakes. I didn't do them as kids were at my mums. So that was a winner. Gearing up to ex eow 24 hours of parenting. I can't imagine just seeing the kids for so little time. But not my problem.

Hope everyone has a better day today.

FV45 I do both of those,but letting everything get to me this morning was too much, btw it wasn't me who initiated the fight bloke took exception to me saying c**t of a thing to do. and swung at me. I was about to get equally as violent but something in me just gave up in me at that point and I let him hit me a couple of times and then it was over. No damage done. I'm more upset at myself for letting everything get to me and get to that place.

disney, can’t you rehome the dogs? I know the DCs love their pets but it’s one more thing on your plate to do and care for.

I think FV45’s advice to call the Samaritans is really good. Wouldn’t have thought to do that.

Naps, those dark thoughts can get really intrusive. Since hitting peri-menopausal state I’ve struggled with them. Trying to mentally bat them away constantly. Can you try some mindfulness? There are some good apps. It’s not a solution but a coping mechanism.

Actually disney I think you deserve a fucking medal for calling out someone's shiteous behaviour. The man in question was obviously an intimidating, aggressive dick - and for that reason I (as a woman) would've kept my head firmly down and bitched to the kids later about what a wanker he was. Men like that will only take on another man's words - whether or not he changes his actions I don't know - but I do know that I thank you for confronting someone like this.

naps Can you go to your GP and get cyclizine? I had HG through both pregnancies and was even throwing up on the bloody day! Cyclizine gave me a slither of normality.

Your stories of CMS worry me. I'm still on the fence. He does pay me regularly (I suspect too little) and since I called him out on it he's paying regularly rather than "when he remembers". If I go down the CMS route it could well be 6+ months before he pays...

O4FS but if s problem X lives in a HMO can't take them also she has all their paperwork I only focused on getting dups of the dds. Plus it would be used against me with the dds, it's s problem.

ZigZagZombie He only wanted to focus on my use of the word c&&t, he would never address the real issue only just be the big man. I have to admit I was going to loose it in the scuffle - really wanted to hurt him. So it's showing me I've got bigger underlying issues that need addressing before I pop.

except this is all perfect material for the X to stir things up all the more

^^
ha that was a NC mistake if mine

Disney I totally get the wanting to rage, sometimes physically, at strangers when you've just had enough. I was hassled in my car the other day, done nothing wrong, he just couldn't see the yellow box I couldn't enter. I did some rearview mirror staring and a "Yeah???" hand gesture, but really I wanted to get out and punch him through the window. If you knew me you'd be totally shocked to hear that. But that dark side that we all try to integrate often comes bursting out when pushed to far.

I also agree with Zigzag that it was good that you said something to him. I know it didn't have the desired outcome, but more power to you. I recently confronted a local guy who'd been winding neighbours up for years. It involved his behaviour towards my son and his friends. I lost my shit with him, reported him to the police, and he was given three cautions for common assault. He's very quite these days .

I've talked the principle into inclusion, it's dd1 first major issue, although very serious. I explained to dd1 that threatening with a weapon of any sort is treated by the police as though it is a real weapon, because how do ARU know it's a toy (as an aside the local ARU are very nice chaps as they've been around a couple of times to deal with X). I hope it gets home to her.

Superdad from above often says to me "You couldn't make your life up when are you appearing on Jeremy Kyle"

Glad to see your update Disney , hopefully this will be a one-off for your dd, such a horrible episode for you both.

That Superdad is beyond annoying. I imagine him being the sort to have a smug-o-meter, measuring his life next to others and having a little shiver of satisfaction. Is it possible to keep him in the dark about your personal life, or do you know him too well ?

Maybe you should agree about the Jeremy Kyle show appearance, and that it'll be entitled "I work with a smug nasty wanker who gets off on other people's misfortune - should I punch him or sleep with his wife?"

nicenewdusters It's a tricky tradeoff because if my adjusted hours at work for the dds and having to WFH frequently and he likes to micro manage and I'm probably TMI. And I have other team members who are reliant on my technical knowledge, support and management.

Too many ands there, obviously I'm not technical about grammar though.

"And"

I see, that makes sense. I have certain friends where I filter what I tell them, but it's hard to be authentic in those instances. It's also tempting to rant when times get tough - hence the TMI. As you say, difficult to find the balance.

Hi everyone, room for 1 more?
I've rtft, I'm sorry everyone's having a hard time

I've 2 DS at home, STBXH is a charmer, he never had much to do with either DS until a while after we seperated. Now everything feels like a giant game to him. He's the number one disney dad and couldn't give a shiny shit about actually parenting them. He buys them anything they ask, lets them stay up late and eat whatever they want. They are both quite young and obviously love this. He told the eldest (7) that he can't come home coz mummy will have the gards take him away. He can't come home because of DV, we were in court, yes the gards are involved but it's not anything I would discuss with a 7yo child. I try to keep everything child friendly. My son blames me, he's with a child therapist, the school are calling me in, my sweet, quiet kind boy is gone. He is so angry and it's only a matter of time until this poison drips into my 2yo ears.

I'm tired, I'm worn down, I'm struggling and he's loving it.

My boys are my number one priority, but it's hard when everything feels like a constant battle.

Feel better for writing that all down.

@Boysmomma sorry to hear how difficult your ex has been. I would keep few notes of his behaviour. You might need it one day. But also good to get it out. The boys will realise what he is doing as they get older. Just keep being their amazing mum. Good that they have some professional support in place. You will get through this.

boysmomna I second what eve34. X was drunk dailing dd1 last night.Ad soon as the first call occured she came to me gave me her phone for safe keeping.

this us a 13yo handing g over a phone because she is scared and knows what will happen.

it takes time but you and your dss will be safe

Anyone else feel like they have done a days work before they even set off for their commute to their paid job?

Im shattered. World book day meant up earlier to get ready. One to breakfast club and one to school. Lunches, suddenly remembering it's cooking today even though its not on the schedule.

Youngest asking me to send a pic of them dressed as hiccup to disney dad but having to say i can't as he blocks me. Youngest says oh yeh its because dad says you harrass him. Ive sent him five texts in two years. All related to the kids.

Trains late... its pissing it down and im tired. Happy thursday everyone.