Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums (Pt. 2)

[ZigZagZombie]

Shiny Fred.

I've put it here rather than Chat so we can keep it off the beaten track a little. If there's already one on Chat could some kind soul point me in the right direction please?

Yup chuckle, I can't believe it's only 8.45 - I may have peaked too soon.

Been to shop, sorted recycling and bins, checked DS's bike for bikeability, booked his Birthday party, done a load of house/life admin, swept garden, cleaned my garden office. Bikeability means we got let off the hook for WBD outfit..hoorah!

DS goes to childminder after school today so I have a long work day.
I shall get lots done - oh yes I will! It's my book club tonight with my lovely friends. I have a cold so won't stay late (can't anyway, as I have a sitter).

I'm a single mum, he left at Christmas and is already shacked up with a new women while I'm looking after our 9 month old DD. Life is actually easier without him as he wasn't help with DD at all.

So I'm at the start of my journey, sending him a letter about contact centre arrangements as he has a drug problem and I believe ptsd. I don't want him alone with DD but also don't want to see him.

I have never hated a person so much in my life! Since the day I got pregnant he totally changed. I discovered he had a drug addiction and tried to get him help, but in the end it was easier to leave than be a better man. I'm holding it together for my DD but I'm dreading the future. I will do what's best for my DD and put her first but I wish I never had to see or speak to the man ever again.

I've not read all this thread, I know little single mums and feel so isolated. I will read the thread and hopefully get some perspective xxx

You sound incredibly organised today FV45. I had the window cleaner this morning - he usually comes just before 8 when I'm still in firefighting breakfast mode - and usually in my dressing-gown with grotty hair. Today was no exception - and as usual he came when I hadn't picked up the dog poo in the garden so I look like a scumbag. Which is nice.

I was very busy this morning work-wise but now I'm slacking off with a bit of Nina Simone and will take the dog for a spin by the river.

hey twinkle It has its challenges but it's also really rewarding. I can't imagine my life any other way now tbh and I feel rather lucky to be in the situation I'm in. However this is probably easier for me because like you, he was more "work" than support... and because I'm old my biological clock is all out of fucks batteries. You don't need "perspective" because everyone's journey is different and you don't need to feel you ought to feel a certain way or follow a certain path. Muddling along is how we all cope.

Thanks @ZigZagZombie I have felt like the responsible parent for the past 3 years. Because he has so many issues I had to be the grown up 24/7 now I feel free. Even though it is upsetting he has already moved on....... I realised today I still have his dirty boxers in my wash basket......that's how quick he moved on lol! But I have arranged a girls night out at the end of the month, first one in 2 years....I'm so excited to be me again and not some nagging control freak who is constantly on damage control.

Currently enjoying quiet cuddles with my DD on the sofa watching escape to the chateau, gym planned for when she is in bed. I have amazing grandparents who help out a lot. I'm actually very lucky....I just wished I picked someone different to have a baby with.....or done the sperm bank option so nice to have some more single mums to talk to xx

I really don't want to do anything today the flat is a tip I dont want to walk the dogs, make lunches, get them up, tell them to dress, wash, brush, do school bags, do the school run and get to work. Meh! Well I've stacked the dishwasher so far and I could pop the laundry on timer so it's done when I get home from work. Oh and I've got to pack a sleepover bag. All before doing the school run at 7 fucking 30.

@disneyspendingmoney hope you got it all done. It just feels never ending. Keep doing the same things every day. Hope you have some respite over the weekend

Yesterday I was very grumpy with the kids and lost my rag - they have been somewhat subdued (i.e., what I would classify as NORMAL from my POV, not theirs, this morning). 1. I got a message from school saying they'd been playing by the burn instead of going into school and 2. my NDN said they'd woken her up thundering up and down the stairs at 6:05am.

You'll do it disney because no other fucker is going to.

My NDN is angling for something... I bumped into her in town yesterday and she told me how "pretty" I looked (no stealth boasts here!) and how much she'd like to hang out... she has a streak of Cheeky Fuckery a mile wide so I'm waiting to see what she's after. It's usually childcare/cash/food/medicine/petrol/WiFi password - you get the gist... I find it exhausting. If she'd just knock on the door and say "Can I have your WiFi password?" I could say No, shut the door and continue with my day. But this protracted flattery and attempts to butter me up... ugh.

I ended up having a rant because all the juice had gone and no one said anything. I hate having a rant at them. It's not they're fault they are kids living through this shit too. Just one of those days, I've got a MH assessment this morning (more snark material for X), while I'm doing it, I'm supposed to be in a meeting where I'm the authority do I've got to delegate - I trust the person I'm delegating I just don't trust the bunch he'll be informing.

And I decided to de-complicate tonights sleepover, I'll pack the bag and schlep it over after work.

You know good knowing I'm not alone in this boat

disney the fact you are engaging with the MH team is something that should be viewed as a positive.

I was very worried that my ex would use my MH issues as ammo, but it would be more concerning if I had buried my head in the sand rather than ask for help from professionals.

What do you do for a job?

I have a cold so I'm on a go slow today, though I might go for a spin on the bike later (since the wind has died down).

Reported post from Oham

Don't patronise those of us who have chosen to support Disney.

I wasn't patronising. I thought this was a thread for single mums and today, on International Women's Day I spoke up to say I want to support other women, not men. There's no bar to starting a thread for single dads.

I’ve always read this thread as ‘single parents’.

Single parents, full time responsibility, different issues, same problems, all needing a place to rant, all needing a place to celebrate.

We could change the thread title to single parents? (With full time responsibility, and who don’t have partners who work long hours etc)

I like that Disney posts here. I'm not often a fan of men on MN because they generally come on to say "not all men are like that". But he's here as a single parent, and I welcome the view from the other side, as it were.

Glad I have found you. Sending love to those going through a tough time.

I am a LP to 3DC's aged 18, 11 and 10. H left late last year as I had had enough of being treated like an employee/skivvy. Now he lives by himself and still treats me like an employee. I have had to change my job because to add to the mix my DS2 has Autism and is currently school refusing which is fun. I now work 2 12 hour shifts a week which is easier to manage. Thought I would have loads of time to sort stuff out though but that has proven to be an over ambitious idea. I am always chasing my tail and never seem organised.

My Ex is currently sulking. He does pay maintenance and I know I am lucky in that but he tries to micro manage me with some crappy barbs thrown in for good measure (I trapped him, I wont find anyone else, I have an over-inflated opinion of myself if I think I can get better etc etc).

What are everyone's plans for Mothers Day?

I’m not often a fan of men generally, if I’m completely honest.

But I don’t think it’s right to exclude any single parent, living the same experience, because of their sex. Particularly when that parent is raising two daughters.

I hope we are here to support the parenting of our children as much as we are to support each other as individuals.

Of course, if a bloke came along and tried to take over/direct/give overbearing advice/belittle etc, I think we’d all tell him to fuck right off in an instant.

Welcome Gandolf. Sounds like you have things fairly sorted?

Mother’s Day? I shall be doing whatever the jolly fuck i please. I shall also insist my children (I also have the young adult variety) leave their rooms and join me. Because I can. 😉

Mother's Day will probably see me collecting DS1 from uni and having to take DS2 with me. This equals more than 6hrs of enforcing 'being with your Mum in the car' time. I get to choose the music and get all the black Wine Gums.

This experience will come close to the time I spent Mother's Day in A&E when someone trod on DS1's head with a rugby boot. We got the one on one time without the distraction of then toddler DS2, but it wasn't quite what I had in mind!

Actually if I can get someone to mind DS2 (hard on Mother's Day, no?) it will be lovely to have some one-to-one time with my older son.

I generally loathe all men... didn't even realise disney was a fella until last week - clue was his chat about boots - women don't generally wax lyrical about vibrams. So to that end - he's going through the same old shite the rest of us are too - and he hasn't manslplained his way through it all which I've seen on single parent FB groups.

Mothers day? I've just had to google it and x-reference the calendar - that's how important it is to me. sigh My DC appear to be with me and rather than receive more toiletries I never use I'm going to have to take them somewhere they can't fuck up, I'll bung them £20 and wait at the door. I'm thinking Godiva... I think I might buy myself a bottle of fizz and get quietly shit-faced.

Evening all.

I thought this was a lone parent thread regardless of gender. We are all facing the same struggles.

As for Mother's Day. I will be cooking for my own mother and the kids. I will take them next week and let them go wild in a shop and hope I get chocolate. Ex did nothing for my birthday or Christmas. So I'm not expecting him to help the kids. But of course I make sure they have a card and small something. As I don't want the children to feel bad.

Dd is at her dads tomorrow for her 24 hours. I'm glad she is happy to go. Ds is still refusing. And I don't see that changing. I have backed off now. And just let him know it's dads weekend if he has changed his mind that's ok. Blah blah blah.

I agree, this is a Lone Parent thread, for mums or dads. It's just been named Part 2 as it was a follow on thread. If @ZigZagZombie asks MNHQ I am sure they will edit it to "single parents".

As far as I am concerned, Disney is welcome as are other single dads. He is facing the same shit that we are.

Hi, mind if I join? I've been a single mum for about 2 years now to 2 DD's ages 4 and 6. They are currently having supervised contact with ex every 2 weeks, which only seems to be upsetting them. Glad it's friday and I don't have work tomorrow, I'm hoping to get a bit of a lie in but that's wishful thinking

I'm not going to ask MNHQ to update.

I believe there are inherent differences between men and women and the way we're treated in (and by) society - and that these are amplified by being a lone parent.

I am a massive feminist and I'm not going to be all happy-clappy inclusive - sorry.

I'm glad disney's here, but I'm not rolling out the red carpet for the menz.

I thought this was a support thread for single parents... period.

NOT solely for women or the odd man Zigzag deems worthy. Patronising doesn't even begin to cover your last comment.

Happy clappy? Menz?