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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

I'm going to get slaughtered for this, I bet

232 replies

satyricon · 02/07/2007 14:01

I'm brand new on the site. I'm not even sure why I'm here, in fact. But the message boards seem so friendly and supportive, so I thought I'd try my question. Bear in mind that I'm a guy and therefore clearly quite dim.

My partner and I split up about 6 months ago. She had miscarried a month or two before and after that, everything changed. She didn't want to be around me, didn't want support or company, just wanted to be alone. Finally she told me she was moving away and she didn't love me any more. It was a terrible experience, and it's taken me a while to come to terms with it. I suspect I might never see her again. Certainly, the last time we spoke, that was how she was feeling. I've tried very hard and I do understand that what she's doing is trying to do is to rub that part of her life out... and that means me.

OK, so that doesn't make me a lone parent. Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

This question's going to sound pretty humdrum after all the stuff I've just said, but her goes. How do you get back into dating and the whole scene? It's been a long time and I'm totally clueless. And what makes it worse is that I was a real social vulture before all this. Going back to the clubs and bars I used to hang out in just seems a little meaningless and dull. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Am I just a bit of a freak?

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 02/07/2007 14:43

post your pic you might not stay single for long

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 15:14

Ha! Maybe I should have called the thread "any bored ladies in the Highbury area".

OP posts:
littlelapin · 02/07/2007 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 15:19

I don't know. She won't talk to me, remember?

I'm sure she probably has. I've been desperately worried about her for... checks watch... nearly 8 months. As she doesn't want me, I've finally decided that I can't spend the rest of my youth, such as it is, chasing after her. I think I said that it had taken me a while to get past it. Now I think I need to move on.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 02/07/2007 15:21

A miscarriage is hard. Very Hard. Was it her first?

Carmenere · 02/07/2007 15:29

Hi and welcome Satyr, and don't worry as we 'rarely' slaughter someone on their first thread(unless they are trolling and you'd have to be a sick fuck to troll regarding miscarriage).

She sounds depressed and it also sounds like there isn't much you can do for her so getting on with your life probably is the best option. Do you have children at all or did she?

As for the socialising, there is a good chance that you have just grown out of the clubbing thing, they are generally dull unless you are there with a circle of mates. so try going out on the pull with some mates or else just resign yourself to a life of restaurants and dinner parties where you can get a comfy seat, decent food and drink and you can hear each other talk

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 15:29

Both her and my first.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 02/07/2007 15:31

I'm sure it was very hard for you to. How are you feeling about it now?

Carmenere · 02/07/2007 15:33

Socialising feeling pointless can also be a sign of depression btw. I mean for you.

paulaplumpbottom · 02/07/2007 15:35

I was thinking the same thing. I think people really focus on the woman when there is a miscarriage but the men suffer to.

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 15:42

I've spent a lot of time feeling miserable, but I've buried most of it because I was worried about the effect on her health and our relationship.

Now it's all over, I don't know. It doesn't keep me up at night. Having said that, I'll probably be having this conversation with a psychiatrist in 10 years (joke).

Thing is, I don't want to dwell on it. If I find myself having problems, I'll deal with it by talking to someone. But I don't... I feel ok. I feel as though I need to get back into things. I even... don't shout at me, please... I even feel as though I need to have a couple of silly flings, just to remind myself that life was once really really fun, and that you could go out and have a date or a drink with someone and not have the fate of the whole world resting on it. I can't be the only one thinking like this, surely.

OP posts:
stressteddy · 02/07/2007 15:44

or he might just want to meet someone new and not get into heavy stuff here
Welcome satyricon

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 16:08

Thanks. I hope that message didn't sound like I was trawling Mumsnet for eligible ladies.

Oh god. It didn't, didn't it? No one's ever going to speak to me again...

OP posts:
SurferRosa · 02/07/2007 16:12

Good place if you were, we're a lot of cool chicas

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 16:14

Not to mention a Pixies fan. That's their best album, by the way ;)

OP posts:
chopster · 02/07/2007 16:15

it's amazing how many people do meet online these days, especially if you have children and can't get out so easily. I met my dp in a chat room, 4.5 years ago!
I think though, it sounds liek you've been through a lot, and getting out a bit would do you good. I'd start getting in touch with some mates, and try to get out.

snowwonder · 02/07/2007 16:16

you just need to bite the bullet and go for it.......> you will be a long time dead....

have you been in internet dating?

would you be confident enough for speed dating?

it is a shame i dont take my own advice, i have been single for 2 years and i have done none of the above....

i would have been slightly intrested but when you mention highbury that could possibly make you an Arsenal fan > and i could'nt go there

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 16:18

Absolutely NOT a gooner.

OP posts:
SurferRosa · 02/07/2007 16:20

Have I pulled? Have I?

Sorry. My life is very very dull and nothing ever happens to me.

FlamingTomatoes · 02/07/2007 16:22

Run, run now, we'll eat you alive!

I can only think of 4 or 5 men on MN and non are single AFAIR

You'll be married by wednesday. And even if you don't want to go and hang out at the pubs you went to before you can hang around here until you feel up to it

SurferRosa · 02/07/2007 16:23

Sorry, being silly. I went on a bikers website a while ago, for dating etc. and was getting on well with a bloke there, but suddenly it all seemed bizarre and scary, I had no idea who he was and it's hard enough dating people you think you know...only to find they have a few dark secrets or aren't actually as nice as you thought. So I wouldn't recommend any sort of blind dating at all, maybe that's just me being a scaredy cat...
But I think getting out and meeting people is probably the only way. I walked past a party yesterday at a vague friend's house, and got chatted up outside...very nice as it made me see I might be attractive even if I have 2 small kids, no partner and never get to the pub any more!

Good luck Satyr.

Original poster
satyricon · 02/07/2007 16:25

I'm actually overwhelmed by how nice everyone seems to be. Can I be in your gang? Can I? Pur-lease...?

Seriously though... only a few guys? Whatever happened to men who really listened to what a woman has to say? I've buzzed through some of the threads and it strikes me that the feminine wisdom on here would come in extremely handy to the average clueless bloke.

Damn, I've just given myself away.

Snowwonder... uhm, speed and internet dating... well, I don't know. I've heard bad things. You heard any different?

OP posts:
mojosmum · 02/07/2007 16:37

its nice to have a man about to give a blokes opinion on things even if you do get slated at the time we will all come looking for you opinion again

i had a misscarriage 2 1/2 yrs ago & have nothing to do with the father we dont even speak because i couldnt deal with the fact that he seemed to not understand it not deviste him to it did me but now i understand he was trying to be strong for me & that he really was hurting as much as me but now i dont feel i can go back because it would mean going back to the stage i was at when i felt that i was dying inside [ not very good at explaining things but hope that makes sense to you]

i to at the age of 26 dont know how to go about dating again i wouldnt know what to say what to do [well i know what to do in that way if you know what i mean but i havent a clue on starting again so cant help there sorry

anyway welcome to mumsnet

jeremyvile · 02/07/2007 16:41

I have actually wondered whether men who come on MN have a distinct advantage over the rest.....hmm. Its a goldmine in terms of understanding what women think about.

Thank the lord you didn't join NetMums

You could have just taken a step in the right direction by joining.

BigGitDad · 02/07/2007 16:51

satyricon, from a man's point of view this site is excellent. It is very funny, informative and very educational. It is a good insight into how the female mind works with all the postings on here and I for one have learnt an awful lot about parenting and human relationships on this website. This site should be compulsory for a lot of men and maybe the world would be a better place.