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Original poster

He wants them for Christmas

231 replies

foreverdieting · 15/10/2014 10:29

Hi, my ex had an affair and left me and the kids (then 2 and 4) three years ago. Moved in with the other woman and they live just over an hour away. He has the children over night every other weekend and might have them for a week once a year. He's a good dad and even though they don't want to go initially they enjoy themselves once they are there. I've had them every Christmas since the break up as I feel that it was his decision to leave us and the kids should wake up in their home on Christmas morning.

Anyway he's saying he wants them Christmas eve and Christmas day. I've said that he could come and get them after lunch on Christmas day so we both get to see them. This isn't good enough for him. The thought of not seeing my children Christmas morning breaks my heart, I'm sitting here sobbing trying to ignore his text messages. I don't have any family nearby but do have a boyfriend now who will be here xmas day so I know I won't be on my own. What do I do???

OP posts:
3xcookedchips · 16/10/2014 16:39

Of course you do you're just resonating your own bitterness and applying your own experiences to a situation where you don't have the full picture.

OP, you have your validation - only you know your ex and if he will escalate should you choose not to allow the kids over to his.

Good luck.

BitchPeas · 16/10/2014 16:42

3xcooked I don't think it's anger, I think it's frustration.

He chooses to have them
Two nights a month.
Do you honestly think it's acceptable for someone to have almost zero day to day input then demand all the good bits for the Kodak moments and the glory?

That's not fair or best for the children.

It's best for the twat that demands it and that's it.

NickiFury · 16/10/2014 16:44

Nonsense. You don't even know my situation, I certainly haven't gone into detail here.

NickiFury · 16/10/2014 16:47

And stop going after me on this thread, you were wrong earlier on and didn't have the grace to acknowledge it. I was addressing chipping not you.

HeadDoctor · 16/10/2014 16:50

Christmas is not a parents reward for the graft and I think that's a pretty selfish point of view.

NickiFury · 16/10/2014 16:52

I don't think anyone has said that though. It's more about not swooping in for the good, enjoyable stuff when you don't do any of the hard work. OP and ex have a functioning arrangement. Why does he want to change it to leave her without her children for most of Christmas?

neverletgojack · 16/10/2014 16:58

OP I think if what you have arranged the past years has worked well for you and children then stick with it, Im sure its what they are expecting.

Do what's right for you and your brood, as he will only be doing what suits him I'm sure.

HeadDoctor · 16/10/2014 16:59

Because it isn't about her.

3xcookedchips · 16/10/2014 16:59

Not going after you, merely challenging your point of view, and others I feel are being holier than thou/sanctimonious - if you choose to take a passive-aggressive attitude, so be it...

HeadDoctor · 16/10/2014 17:04

As the daughter of a man who had an affair and left, and the ex wife of a man who had an affair and left and as a stepmother, I don't believe anyone can say what's best. We all do what we think is right and hope it's the best thing. I never got to spend Christmas with my dad and I'm sad about that. If my mum told me as an adult that she had prevented it because he had an affair and he'd only bothered to see me 8 times that year, I'd be angry with her. Sadly it was just that my dad didn't fight for it.
And with my own children, yes I hate it. Why should they be switching families on Christmas Day, why should my ex get to play super dad when he spends half the year calling my children names? I don't do it for my ex, I do it because my children enjoy seeing their father. I deal with the pain, and it's still painful and this will be the seventh Christmas, in private, away from the children.

NickiFury · 16/10/2014 17:07

Where exactly have a taken a passive aggressive stance? In your opinion?

PrimalLass · 16/10/2014 17:50

Ah, all 3xcookedchips posts are along the same lines.

3xcookedchips · 16/10/2014 17:57

Yes, the cheap shot - whats in the interests of the children...

NickiFury · 16/10/2014 18:06

Is that to me? Because I didn't actually say that though do agree in the context that chipping describes.

DeepPurplish · 16/10/2014 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverStars · 16/10/2014 18:14

You say he has them 1 night in every 14, plus one full week out of 14. Is this his choice? If so en I would do the maths and say he can have them for Xmas when his night falls on Christmas itself.

If he wants them more in the week but does not get them that is different.

And if he has seen them every Xmas day since he left then if he has them that night you still have the same amount of time with them that he has always had?

JustShakeitoff · 16/10/2014 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alicemalice · 16/10/2014 18:23

I don't see why a nrp who opts to not have 50/50 care suddenly gets to have 50/50 care at xmas. Its cherrypicking.

My ex chooses to see our child about 5 days a month. I offered him more but he turned it down because of 'work commitments', god knows what that means.

So as far as i'm concerned he doesnt get an equal say about xmas.

UltraNumb · 16/10/2014 18:28

my dh and his ExW (she had an affair and left him) used to take it in turns. one had dsd xmas eve to xmas day post lunch, and the other post lunch/boxing day.

dh and i have our own kids, and i love it when dsd came to spend xmas eve/xmas morning with us, she is still our family and my kids older sister.

she's an adult now (21) and i still invite her every year.

clam · 16/10/2014 18:37

Haven't read all the responses (cardinal sin that annoys me in others. Blush )
But my gut reaction is, sod all the "you've got to be fair" nonsense and just say no.
All the "it's in the interests of the children" stuff is a bit Hmm to me too. Their home is with their mother. This is entirely due to the selfish actions of their father. He chooses to see them alternate weekends and one (ONE!!!) full week a year?!! He can f* off with the Christmas demands in my book. The children can still have a relationship with him (no thanks to his efforts), but that doesn't have to be all over Christmas.

clam · 16/10/2014 18:41

"I imagine the DH never imagined it either starlight Hmm plus he has to wake up most days and not see them."

Tough luck on him then. He should have thought of that before. If he was that devastated about not waking up most days and seeing his children, he could take a little more interest than 48 hours a month, couldn't he?

AlbaGuBrath · 16/10/2014 19:00

Still spouting the same old shite 3xcookedchips eh?

You go on and on about what's right for the children. How do you know that your one for one suggestion where holidays are concerned is what is right for the children? What's wrong with splitting the day between Mum and Dad?

You have brought up a couple of times on this thread about posters "anger". I don't really see much of that if I'm honest. What I do see is extremely passive aggressive comments coming from yourself yet again and posters questioning your very one sided view point. You seem to take any form of criticism as an angry response Confused

Correct me if I'm wrong but you are a NRP aren't you? It begs the question why you feel the need to troll the lone parents board to stick the boot in time and time again? Your opinion is neither required nor wanted by many lone parents on these boards so why don't you run along and play nicely elsewhere?

And for the record not angry Wink

alicemalice · 16/10/2014 19:05

Well I am angry about it and I don't mind admitting it. Anger is an entirely sane response to such a situation.

They opt out of all the difficult parenting stuff vast majority of the year, then pop back up demanding equal rights when it suits them.

To be clear, I'm not talking about NRPs who really want to spend more time with their kids. I'm talking about those who chose not to.

theendoftheendoftheend · 16/10/2014 19:14

3x you're hilarious, no one has sounded angry on this thread except you! Are you my ex? You sound just like him.

ChippingInLatteLover · 16/10/2014 19:22

3xcookedchips Thu 16-Oct-14 16:18:34
Bloody hell - such anger...

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