He wants them for Christmas

[foreverdieting]

Hi, my ex had an affair and left me and the kids (then 2 and 4) three years ago. Moved in with the other woman and they live just over an hour away. He has the children over night every other weekend and might have them for a week once a year. He's a good dad and even though they don't want to go initially they enjoy themselves once they are there. I've had them every Christmas since the break up as I feel that it was his decision to leave us and the kids should wake up in their home on Christmas morning.

Anyway he's saying he wants them Christmas eve and Christmas day. I've said that he could come and get them after lunch on Christmas day so we both get to see them. This isn't good enough for him. The thought of not seeing my children Christmas morning breaks my heart, I'm sitting here sobbing trying to ignore his text messages. I don't have any family nearby but do have a boyfriend now who will be here xmas day so I know I won't be on my own. What do I do???

Clearly very upsetting for you but it's about the children and them being able to see both their parents on Christmas Day. We split Christmas Day between us from the time DD was 7 until she was 16. One year she would wake up with me and would then would be with her father from 1pm on Christmas Day. The next year she would go to her father on Christmas Eve then be with me from 1pm on Christmas Day.

The drive was just over an hour. I spent half of almost every Christmas on my own (small family, a long way away). DD (20) spends every Christmas Day with me - her choice entirely as these days I could afford to go on an activity holiday which runs over Christmas. I didn't enjoy those days but told DD that I had a lovely time with favourite food, good books and films.

You can adjust to this and you will have your bf with you. Designate another day to be "your" Christmas Day when they are with you.

OP how did things go? did you manage to agree on anything for this year?

it's about the children and them being able to see both their parents on Christmas Day

Yes, I get that! But why can't they wake at dad's this year & go home later?

I don't think it is fair of mum to always have the best bits.

Absolutely not, you are right that they should wake up in their own home, he chose to leave so tough shit. If he wants to see them then suggest Boxing Day.

Hi, quick update.

After discusions last night where he said I could have them for most of Christmas eve then he would have them for the next 5 days (!!). We've agreed that I would have them as normal this year but next year as Christmas falls on a Friday he will have them from Christmas eve and through the weekend.

He is picking them up early boxing day morning this year. I did offer that he could have them in the end and I would get them around 3pm Christmas afternoon but he didn't want that.

Obviously I'm over the moon that I'll be spending Christmas with my little monkeys this year and it gives me a whole year to sort out and get my head around Christmas 2015.

I've also asked him when he would like the children throughout the year with regards to school holidays as I'm sure they'd like to spend time with him then too ;)

Thanks for all of your help.

Glad you have reached a compromise between you.