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Original poster

support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

821 replies

simpson · 16/11/2010 23:01

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase Blush Grin})

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself Sad

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself Sad

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Original poster
simpson · 21/12/2010 18:21

anothermum - get something yummy and special that you can eat for breakfast to treat yourself Smile

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anothermum92 · 21/12/2010 22:45

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Original poster
simpson · 22/12/2010 18:05

yay finally got out of the house Grin and took the DC sledging and managed to do some shopping while my mum watched them Smile

Am really looking forward to tomorrow as I have booked the DC onto a boat trip along canal with Santa popping aboard too Grin

My friend and her DS is coming too so will have a bit of adult company, always a bonus!!

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anothermum92 · 22/12/2010 19:38

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Original poster
simpson · 24/12/2010 16:21

How is everyone getting on today?

We have just had a nice day pottering around and the Dc have watched The Snowman & Polar Express Smile

About to start the reindeer food thingie and the Dc have to leave a key out for Santa (we don't have a chimney Grin)

Thank goodness I don't have to cook tomorrow Grin Grin

anothermum - hope tomorrow morning goes ok [amile]

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anothermum92 · 24/12/2010 17:21

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Original poster
simpson · 25/12/2010 21:08

Found an Xmas card from DS(5) dad under his pillow when i went to check on him last night

I knew card had come but not thst he had taken it to bed iyswim.

Sobbed on my mum's shoulder today Blush

Basically I stopped all contact with H about 5wks ago and he has not seen kids for about 3mths as the last time he got so drunk he was arrested at tube station (on way to airport home) he lives in Ireland, I am in London.

Basically my mum said that for DS's sake (and DD's) that basically contact may need to resume.

Him calling once a wk (as long as he is sober) which he has not been in the past which is why i called a halt to the calls.

And maybe if he can be sober when he visits for him to come over at easter time....

Am I mad to consider this?? basically every chance that he has been given to have contact with his Dcs he has blown. But finding that card under DS's pillow has really thrown me Sad

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happygolucky0 · 25/12/2010 21:26

just wanted to give you my abit of insight into how its been for my DS. You reminded so much of myself. My Ds Dad has come in and out of his life for 12 years until I stopped it finally 9 months ago. Before I have never been strong enough. I wanted them to have a relationship. However I now think that I was wrong to allow him to come in and out of DS life all these years, It has not had a good effect on my ds to have that rejection so many times thoughout his childhood, hence why now stopping contact. everyone's differant but I strongly believe that dc need to feel secure and men coming in and out their life do not provide that for them.

Original poster
simpson · 25/12/2010 22:11

It is just so hard Sad

TBH its me that is stopping contact. H would gladly ring and visit as much as he could but might be drunk while doing it Hmm

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happygolucky0 · 25/12/2010 23:11

maybe he should get some help to cut out the drink then start contact when sober enough if he cant stay off it long enough to visit his dc.

Original poster
simpson · 26/12/2010 09:42

that is what I said to him last when I stopped contact but he does not seem to be doing it

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happygolucky0 · 26/12/2010 09:54

supervized visits maybe? Not ideal but at least contact remains for your ds. Just remind him he needs to be responsible its part of the package!! Difficult if he has a drink problem and doesnt want to change it. or early morning visits?

Original poster
simpson · 26/12/2010 10:35

I think supervised visits may be the way to go.

My mum has said they can use her house (from Easter if he behaves himself till then!!) which would be much better than a contact centre.

His mother would come over as well (A whole different story!!! She is horrible) but she will at least make sure he does not drink iyswim.

A 43yr old man being babysat by his mother to come and see his kids, a great role model for my children!!! Hmm Angry

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anothermum92 · 26/12/2010 16:12

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happygolucky0 · 27/12/2010 14:54

Hope you manage to make it work, good luck.

ManateeEquineOhara · 27/12/2010 15:04

Hi all. I have been single for 4 years today :s

Simpson I would recommend you only allow supervised visits - in a contact centre. You can't trust him based on his previous behaviour and if it is in your Mum's house, or with his mum - it is not neutral, which is what you need.

But don't feel your children NEED to see him, if he is a fuckwit they would be better of not seeing him at all.

anothermum92 · 27/12/2010 17:51

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ManateeEquineOhara · 27/12/2010 21:00

Well, yes there is, the harm that a drunk can do in one day is a lot, and it is so much better to have a neutral person there, not the grandparents. If he really does want to see his children he will be happy to use a contact centre.

Original poster
simpson · 28/12/2010 17:21

I don't have to make a decision until april thank goodness Smile

I think DS(5) might find a contact centre quite traumatic Sad

Also the problem is where H would stay as he would fly from Irelend and is not working Hmm so B&B out of the question

Oh well, I have had a lovely day today Smileall to myself!!

DCs went to stay at my mums overnight last night and DS has been taken to see a panto today & DD went to McD's with my dad.

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ManateeEquineOhara · 28/12/2010 19:10

I would suggest that where he would stay is not your problem. If he wants to see his children he needs to arrange it himself.

Have a look at a contact centre before you say that it would be traumatic...it would be far less traumatic than if he behaves like a drunken idiot on a visit.

emmaneezerscrooge · 29/12/2010 16:12

Just sending sympathies to all who need them frm the sidelines..

I'll not get too close, ds2 has shared his flu with me.. and I wouldn't wantt o pass it on to y'all Smile

Original poster
simpson · 30/12/2010 22:43

Hope you feel better soon...

I hope everybody has a good night tomorrow Smile

I might even manage to get out Shock

My mum is having kids

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emmakneesupmotherbrown · 31/12/2010 14:30

simpson - if you do et out, have a good night!

and an early 'appy new year to y'all.. our 'anti-party' has been postponed.. so it'll be my third new year sat in with a bottle of gin on my billy (considering starting a folk group if I get better on my mandolin - 'billy and the no mates' Grin) but hey ho, heres to as new year, fresh starts and new memories to make eh..

ilovethesea · 01/01/2011 00:04

hi,it seems that the thead maybe be dwindling - not sure if I should start a new one but will try to revive this one!

it's NY Eve. Where did my life go!

firstly, it's pretty amazing that the LPs on here all feel pretty much the same. For me, life is often chaotic, frustrating and sad. That't the word I feel a lot of the time, just sad. Sad that I'm on my own with my DD. As I am very pessimnistic about someone taking me and a troublesome DD 2yo on (who doesn't sleep) I've oftne thought about setting up some kind of organisaiton where us LPs could help each other out more. I wouldn't mind meeting someone with similar intersts - holidays are not as fun when alone with kid. i suppose I have a drive in me that wants to make some changes here - why should (and sorry, but it is mostly women) women suffer so much? I know I'm tlaking a bit gibberish here -the wine hasn't helped. But, is just pisses me off. I know the anger and frustration that a lot of women on here say they feel - it's jsut not right for men not to contribute to raising children. ANd, the fact that many of them can just carry on with their free and easy life. How I would love to have a bath nevermind a night out. that's my rant over with. just annoyed with the state of the world. And yes, I've become a bitter man-hating self-pitying woman too!

Jellykat · 01/01/2011 00:17

Happy New Year to all on here!Am sitting here in tears.. Not one single New Years text received,have been doing this singlemum thing for 22 years, when will it change?