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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

support thread for people who find it hard as LPs...

821 replies

simpson · 16/11/2010 23:01

just wondering if this has been done before...

I have 2 Dcs (2 & 5) and am bringing them up by myself (H allowed to have phone contact only due to his fuck wittery {I love that phrase Blush Grin})

Sometimes its soooo hard doing it by myself Sad

DS had parents evening today and although his comments from teachers were fab most all of the other parents were couples.

Sometimes it hits me that I have to do everything myself Sad

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Meglet · 16/11/2010 23:19

It's rotten isn't it. I look on in awe of lone parents who cope well.

I went back to work after mat leave a year ago and was on here worrying about how on earth I would get a 1yo and 3yo ready for nursery and out the door on time, loads of (lovely) people said it was do-able and they managed it. Despite being super organised (GF at 2 months in this house, clothes out the night before, bags packed etc) I cracked up after a few weeks Sad. Now my mum comes round on the days I work so I can get to work on time and she takes the dc's to nursery Blush.

The dc's don't see their dad which doesn't help as I never get a break or a decent nights sleep. I think I would be happier if I had some peace and quiet and a social life Hmm.

I need to tidy the kitchen up and get to bed actually!

DollyTwat · 16/11/2010 23:23

Can I join in!

I wish I had someone u could hand over to when ds1 is being hard to handle. I wish I could discuss just everyday stuff with.

All Christmas present lists are for me as if no-one else could possibly buy anything.

The mundane drudgery seems worse in the winter doesn't it

FeelingOld · 17/11/2010 10:46

Hi everyone.

I have dd 15 and ds 10, they may be older but things dont get easier!! Ds sees his dad 1 night at the weekend but dd doesnt (her choice) so I dont get much 'me' time either. I also work full-time and am also the main carer for my disabled parents.

I find i am constantly tired and just dont have enough hours in the day to get everything done hence the downstairs of my house is usually clean and tidy but cant say the same for upstairs which gets neglected and where everything ia dumped to make downstairs tidier!!

Its hard work being a LP but when you have no choice you just have to get on with it!!

Meglet · 17/11/2010 21:02

feelingold Same here, you should see one side of my bedroom Blush. Toys and clutter in bin bags waiting to be sorted out.

Original poster
simpson · 17/11/2010 21:21

Meglet - my bedroom is like a toy shop as I have all of Dcs Christmas presents in there waiting to be wrapped.

Luckily the know they are not allowed in my room as its the only kid free space I have!!

OP posts:
ninah · 17/11/2010 21:25

simpson you have bought your xmas presents already? Shock you are WAY ahead of me
sounds like you are doing bloody fantastic!

Original poster
simpson · 17/11/2010 21:31

I start buying them on Oct Blush as otherwise I would not have the £££.

Dcs dad said he has no money so looks like Dcs are getting nothing from him this yr Sad

OP posts:
VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 17/11/2010 21:34

Also struggling with being a LP. I've been a LP for years and exH useless father swans around enjoying a very free life.....

I have some really :( days

I wish I could feel like it was all worth it but some days I just feel totally unappreciated

Original poster
simpson · 17/11/2010 22:18

I know...

I sent H (we are not divorced yet) a text because Dcs were supposed to ring him toinght but I forgot Blush

Anyway text said that DD was not well & went to bed early & DS was at a friends for tea & got back too tired.

he texted back saying he was out watching footie with his mates Shock

Did not ask how DD was and if he has £££ to go out then why can't he buy them a Xmas pressie Angry

OP posts:
debbie251 · 23/11/2010 22:47

late post but i wanna join this club !!
i a full time working single mum of 2 dds 9 and 7 whos dad doesnt work.. and tbh a total waste of space!! ..
i spoke to him breifly tonight to be told he too skint to think about xmas ... their boxing day (extra xmas day) should be fun then when he has promised them the world !!!
now at the point they only see him if i drive them there (hour and half in car) and pay petrol extra ... really getting me down now !!!

AMAZINWOMAN · 24/11/2010 17:16

It is the exhaustion and relentlessness that I find hard. I cope really, really well but there are times, today being one, I just want to run away from it all.

I'm overworked and underpaid 24/7 with no support. It's no wonder I feel crap sometimes.

On a bad day like today, I think if I knew what it was like to be a single parent then I would never have had kids. If i could turn back the clock I'm not so sure I would have had kids.

Luckliy the good days outweigh the bad, and the kids keep me going.

Hannispan · 24/11/2010 20:38

Can I join in? My two are 9 months and 2 yrs and i'm at home full time (at least until the baby finally eats solids) and what i hate is having no adult interaction. Today, the only adult i spoke to was a waitress in a cafe. Sometimes i think i will go mad :-)

I also hate xp attitude to his kids - he actually said to me that being at home with them meant i had no responsibility or stress in my day Hmm. And he was moaning the other night that the DC don't 'miss hom enough'. How the feck do you neasure that in a child under2?

Sheila · 24/11/2010 21:19

What a great idea! I have one lovely 10yo DS who sees his dad for a few hours on Saturdays so no time to myself as I work full time. Like many on here I get worn down by having to do everything, including all the worrying and decision-making.

I don't have a great social life as have to get a babysitter before I can leave the house after dark, so life is pretty lonely, and lately I'm worrying I may never have sex again..

Original poster
simpson · 25/11/2010 18:17

sheila - I know what you mean about worrying when you will ever get any nooky again

Grin Blush

Have now decided to stop all contact between Dcs & their dad as when I rang him on wed (as arranged) he was drunk Angry

Although I was upset at the time, tbh now at least I know where I stand iyswim and won't have any of the sinking feeling on wed/fri eves when kids call him wondering if he is sober etc....

OP posts:
TheConstantGardener · 04/12/2010 13:14

Hannispan, I agree about the lack of adult interaction. That combined with never getting a moment is quite a combo isnt it!

x

FreakoidOrganisoid · 04/12/2010 13:21

It's the loneliness I find hard. Evening after evening stuck in the house on your own. Especially when I ask friends if they fancy coming over for a drink/natter and they all say they are busy or spending time with their dp's.

Original poster
simpson · 04/12/2010 13:27

TBH I don't mind the evenings/nights but I think thats because when I was with H he worked shifts anyway and sometimes did not get home till midnight.

But the lack of adult interaction in the day (at the w/ends) is tough especially when I have refereed yet another row between Dcs or sang "twinkle little star" for the 100th time

OP posts:
FreakoidOrganisoid · 04/12/2010 13:39

Actually Simpson that's a good point, the loneliness isn't exclusive to being single. When I was with H he was either at the pub or sat in another room with headphones on so it's nothing new for me to spend evenings alone.

Still find it hard though.

emmaneezerscrooge · 04/12/2010 17:50

Late comer, but joining anyway Grin

2 years into this malarky, and sometiesm it just feels neverending, relentless.. if i don't do it, it doesn't gt done, even if I'm ill.. at times I'd sell my soul or a kidney, if someine would just make me a cuppa or do the washing up... and sometimes, no msatter how much of a brave face I put on spending endless evenings alone, knitting or batch cooking for the freezer are f**king boring and soul destroying..

however... it ain't all bad... and often i wouldn't change it for all the world.

emmaneezerscrooge · 04/12/2010 17:51

another downside, is no one knows where I put my glasses yesterday, so 'scuse tehtyping!

TheConstantGardener · 04/12/2010 18:08

I like my solitude at times, but this permanence is very different for me, a couple of nights a week it's be good to get some company. I need to manage it better I guess and ask people!

Food for one just doesnt work does it? Meals are defo a social thing for me.

Grrr.

x

emmaneezerscrooge · 04/12/2010 18:31

It would, I suspect be very very easy to slip into a life of hermitude.. join hermits reunited and meet up every ten years and swap stories about caves...

(I'll award points to anyone who knows what in the hell I'm on about there)

TheConstantGardener · 04/12/2010 19:42

I like my solitude at times, but this permanence is very different for me, a couple of nights a week it's be good to get some company. I need to manage it better I guess and ask people!

Food for one just doesnt work does it? Meals are defo a social thing for me.

Grrr.

x

iwillmakeit · 04/12/2010 20:23

Oooh! I get points please "emma".
Sometimes it wld be so nice to share... DS1 party today, took 10 under 7s to the pics and pizza, had a friend with me and my dear dad to drive.
But then everyone left and I was knackered but still had to referee and make tea and bath and stories and dry tears etc etc for my 3 on my own.
And my god after 2 snow days I really need time out. But tomorrow (when ex has them) I need to clean the house and manhandle the huge tree out of the loft and sort that and decs out instead, arghh.

Oh well

Ps "Constant" am not far from you in essex nr Harlow (I saw your other thread) if you want a chat x

emmaneezerscrooge · 04/12/2010 20:53

10 points and a gold star to iwillmakeit who understands what fun is, if your a hermit

I'm sick of bloody snow - ds1's school has been closed all week, ds2's closed on tuesday... the heating all but packed up entirely on tuesday night- pumps dying - and the council have yet to actually fix it... the shops are pretty much bare, deliveries haven't been getting through.. and my children, love hem dearly as I do.. are starting to get on my nerves.. I'm hoping for a thaw soon, I've seen the shining and know how these things can end Wink