UK or US life: homesickness, family ties and where to settle

[MichelleRodriguezxx]

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have lived in both the UK and the US, or who've faced a similar decision.
I'm originally from Essex, UK, but now live in Ohio for 3 years with my American husband. I'm really struggling to work out whether my feelings are just homesickness or whether I'm genuinely better suited to life in the UK.
UK (Essex)

• £50k WFH job (Canary Wharf office if needed)
• Family and lifelong friends nearby
• 3-bed detached house in a village
• Walkable pub, Friday fish & chip van (a genuine highlight!)
• Near the coast
• Easy access to London, Europe and weekend breaks

USA (Ohio)

• $90k WFH job
• Healthcare comes out of my salary
• Groceries feel significantly more expensive
• No office, fully remote
• No family or close friends here (only my husband's family/friends)
• 3-bed detached house with a decent amount of land
• Need to drive everywhere
• About 30 minutes from the nearest beach
• Beautiful Metroparks nearby, which I walk in almost daily

My honest experience after living here is that money disappears much faster than I expected. The higher salary hasn't translated into feeling wealthier once healthcare, groceries, travel and other costs are factored in.
I've travelled around the US (Colorado, North Carolina, New York, Las Vegas, Savannah, Tennessee) and while there are some incredible places and stunning national parks, I often feel like so much of everyday America is built around chain restaurants, retail and driving. The national parks have genuinely been one of the things that have kept me going mentally.
One thing I really appreciate is the healthcare. When you need it, it's been fast, reliable and excellent.
What I've struggled with most is the sense of community. This is obviously just my experience, but interactions often feel friendly yet quite surface-level. People are polite, but I rarely feel those interactions develop into genuine connections. In England, I felt there was more banter, humour and community spirit, and neighbours were more likely to know each other.
Life here also feels much more car-dependent and individualistic. In England I loved being able to spontaneously book weekends away, visit different villages, drive to the coast or jump on a cheap flight to Europe. Here, holidays feel like they require much more planning, time off work and money. Domestic flights are also far more expensive than I'm used to.
At the same time, I'm aware the UK has its own problems right now—cost of living, the NHS, politics and general decline that people often talk about. I do wonder whether living in a village would shield me from some of that, as I genuinely loved my community there.
The hardest part has been family. Since moving I've lost two grandparents and missed both funerals. My parents are getting older, and my nephew now lives just 10 minutes from my old house. That's becoming increasingly difficult emotionally. His family have been VERY UNWELCOMING and want everything their own way. I am merely my husbands wife to them. We don’t see them a lot. They hate me. Think I’m using him and are just mean girl attitude.
I don't hate America at all, and I know experiences vary hugely by state. Ohio may not represent the whole country. There are definitely things I love here, especially the parks, the space and the quality of healthcare. The parks have stopped me from becoming depressed. Every day rolls into one here - I wake up - work - watch tv - sleep - in there big house - big car- I feel like that might suit some people but I can’t help but feel like I want a little more out of life. My husband says most people here are miserable that’s why they aren’t very nice or care about anyone deeply. Christmas in the UK is special, spas, pubs, everywhere is decorated and we get so much time off work. Here you’re lucky to get two days off. I honestly believe some Americans would talk to you in a supermarket, and if you got run over 5 minutes later they’d drive around you - nothing feels genuine here. Us Brit’s bond on humor. They don’t.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I miss the humour, the sense of belonging, the spontaneity and feeling part of a community.
Has anyone else moved from the UK to the US (or vice versa) and felt this way? Did it get better with time, or did you eventually realise one country simply suited your personality better? I'm really interested in hearing honest experience from people who've lived both lives. I’m running out of time to have children in either country.

Having supportive family around is really important once you have kids. If you stay in the US, you will be stuck with the in laws.

I really wouldn't stay in the US right now - far too unstable.

Good point about the promised support not materialising. I think in OPs case, however, pleasantly useless family would be far preferable to the nastiness with the in laws.

How do you feel about raising children there? Do the schools feel safe? I’d be making some serious decisions before having children as if you have them there you’re potentially stuck. Especially given the situation with your husbands family.

I've been in the US for about 15 years, same situation to you with an American DH. As others have advised, DO NOT have children until you've made a decision about where you want to bring them up long-term as it'll be a huge battle to bring them to the UK if your DH doesn't agree.

I took about five years to settle here. I met my first friends through work, and I wonder whether looking for something hybrid might be a good idea? Seeing colleagues in person can help you build friendships.

I've also always lived in either large or medium-sized cities with strong international populations. I don't know much about Cleveland, but surely it has some nice neighborhoods with decent schools? City living is certainly more expensive, but we like to be able to walk to things, plus I think it's easier to meet people. I'd never live rurally or in the suburbs.

My DH's family are nice but very scattered so we don't have any support from them. It sounds as if you might want to consider moving further away from your DH's family, they sound toxic.

Overall, I do think the British way of life is easier though and if your DH is up for it, start looking into the visa process as it'll take a while. You may need to move back to the UK first and start working there in order to sponsor him, for example.
That's another reason NOT to start a family yet.

I love living in the US but then again, I live in New York City so very different circumstances to you. We have no plans to move back to the UK (though never say never). I do enjoy going back to see family but realise that’s a holiday when everyone makes an effort to see each other and do things together and in real
life, it wouldn’t be like that all the time.

Honestly, this sounds like a husband problem rather than a location one. Why is he letting his family treat you that way? And does he know how unhappy you are? Is he receptive to moving to the UK? Would you consider going back without him?

You must feel incredibly lonely, OP. Lots of love to you