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Original poster

UK or US life: homesickness, family ties and where to settle

158 replies

MichelleRodriguezxx · 23/07/2026 17:31

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have lived in both the UK and the US, or who've faced a similar decision.
I'm originally from Essex, UK, but now live in Ohio for 3 years with my American husband. I'm really struggling to work out whether my feelings are just homesickness or whether I'm genuinely better suited to life in the UK.
UK (Essex)

  • £50k WFH job (Canary Wharf office if needed)
  • Family and lifelong friends nearby
  • 3-bed detached house in a village
  • Walkable pub, Friday fish & chip van (a genuine highlight!)
  • Near the coast
  • Easy access to London, Europe and weekend breaks

USA (Ohio)

  • $90k WFH job
  • Healthcare comes out of my salary
  • Groceries feel significantly more expensive
  • No office, fully remote
  • No family or close friends here (only my husband's family/friends)
  • 3-bed detached house with a decent amount of land
  • Need to drive everywhere
  • About 30 minutes from the nearest beach
  • Beautiful Metroparks nearby, which I walk in almost daily

My honest experience after living here is that money disappears much faster than I expected. The higher salary hasn't translated into feeling wealthier once healthcare, groceries, travel and other costs are factored in.
I've travelled around the US (Colorado, North Carolina, New York, Las Vegas, Savannah, Tennessee) and while there are some incredible places and stunning national parks, I often feel like so much of everyday America is built around chain restaurants, retail and driving. The national parks have genuinely been one of the things that have kept me going mentally.
One thing I really appreciate is the healthcare. When you need it, it's been fast, reliable and excellent.
What I've struggled with most is the sense of community. This is obviously just my experience, but interactions often feel friendly yet quite surface-level. People are polite, but I rarely feel those interactions develop into genuine connections. In England, I felt there was more banter, humour and community spirit, and neighbours were more likely to know each other.
Life here also feels much more car-dependent and individualistic. In England I loved being able to spontaneously book weekends away, visit different villages, drive to the coast or jump on a cheap flight to Europe. Here, holidays feel like they require much more planning, time off work and money. Domestic flights are also far more expensive than I'm used to.
At the same time, I'm aware the UK has its own problems right now—cost of living, the NHS, politics and general decline that people often talk about. I do wonder whether living in a village would shield me from some of that, as I genuinely loved my community there.
The hardest part has been family. Since moving I've lost two grandparents and missed both funerals. My parents are getting older, and my nephew now lives just 10 minutes from my old house. That's becoming increasingly difficult emotionally. His family have been VERY UNWELCOMING and want everything their own way. I am merely my husbands wife to them. We don’t see them a lot. They hate me. Think I’m using him and are just mean girl attitude.
I don't hate America at all, and I know experiences vary hugely by state. Ohio may not represent the whole country. There are definitely things I love here, especially the parks, the space and the quality of healthcare. The parks have stopped me from becoming depressed. Every day rolls into one here - I wake up - work - watch tv - sleep - in there big house - big car- I feel like that might suit some people but I can’t help but feel like I want a little more out of life. My husband says most people here are miserable that’s why they aren’t very nice or care about anyone deeply. Christmas in the UK is special, spas, pubs, everywhere is decorated and we get so much time off work. Here you’re lucky to get two days off. I honestly believe some Americans would talk to you in a supermarket, and if you got run over 5 minutes later they’d drive around you - nothing feels genuine here. Us Brit’s bond on humor. They don’t.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I miss the humour, the sense of belonging, the spontaneity and feeling part of a community.
Has anyone else moved from the UK to the US (or vice versa) and felt this way? Did it get better with time, or did you eventually realise one country simply suited your personality better? I'm really interested in hearing honest experience from people who've lived both lives. I’m running out of time to have children in either country.

OP posts:
Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:36

VeryQuaintIrene · 24/07/2026 14:16

That's a really good point, @expatme My US partner is always really surprised and quite envious in some ways that I have a close friendship group from college some 40 years ago and another slightly looser one from my London school where there are a couple of women that I have known for more than 50 years.

It’s amazing and an achievement to stay friends for such a long time living overseas. Im
really struggling. Specially with the time
difference. Friends take hours if not days to reply now because everyone has their own life’s and schedules.

OP posts:
Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:38

expatme · 24/07/2026 11:06

I haven't lived in Ohio, but one set of grandparents lived in Cleveland, so I spent time there. And in answer to your question, no, I didn't find British people more genuine. In fact, I found it to be an almost impenetrable circle of tight bonds of family and people who had been friends since nursery, who had been friends since their grandparents were at the same boarding school, who had been at university together, etc., and who weren't remotely interested in including any outsiders. I sometimes joke that the only people who spoke to me for two years were people I was buying things from.

But I persevered. The thing about trying to break in as an expat is that the effort has to come from you. We did have children, so I joined the PA, and took them to sports and activities, I volunteered, I did hobbies, I had coffees with friends of friends, I took some courses, I joined the Kensington & Chelsea Women's Club. DH was working in an office, so we got invited to some things through that. I would say it took about 3 years before we had a real social circle, and it tends to be pretty international - most of the couples we're friends with have at least one non-Brit.

All of that said, I agree with the pps that your husband's family sounds toxic and I suspect that's problem number 1. I wonder if you would be happier living somewhere away from them? Other than cutting contact with one sister, how supportive is he? Does he have friends he's introduced you to and do they include you in things? Would he be willing to move to the UK?

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He’s quite supportive as in includes me with his friends but he won’t do any activities I enjoy like walk the dog, go to the gym, go food shopping. He dislikes all of that. I find Americans mainly just eat out and drink. That’s their idea of fun. From my experience anyway. Or his friendship group. I do all of that stuff above alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:40

CeramicRoses · 24/07/2026 06:42

It seems a bit like the question you’ve asked is the wrong one. It seems the question could be, should I move back to the Uk as my husband’s family in Ohio hate me? A lot of people move to be near family and friends, but a big element of this is missing for you, he has family who could have welcomed you making life easier, but they’re actively hostile towards you. Otherwise I suspect you’d feel a lot less isolated. What’s the situation with his friends? Americans living here I know often look forward to going home as they have a network of childhood and/or unI friends they miss. Does his social circle not provide potential friendships? Do you know why his family is so hostile? Is there any hope of this changing? Because if you have children with him there, aside from potentially being trapped there, you may come under pressure to spend more time with relatives who want to see the kids but are horrible to you.

honestly, in your shoes, I’d move. But there’s some key practicalities you haven’t responded to questions about. A key one being can your husband get a similar role here? Will he consider moving? Or maybe you are so unhappy you’re considering moving back without him?

For what it’s worth, I like the uk, some of the culture, UK sense of humour being key, but hate the weather (summer is approx 3 months, rest of year, for me who hates the cold, awful.) And I have dual citizenship with another European country and am seriously considering moving due to the healthcare here. The fact I am in inner city London will have some bearing on this, waiting times to see an NHS consultant are awful. A and E is a nightmare, although when you are seen with a life threatening emergency that is when the NHS is really good. Unless you have private insurance through work (I’m freelance) it can be inaccessible as if you use it they simply claw their money back by hiking your premiums at renewal. A lot of people end up paying out of pocket for consultations, drugs, procedures as they can’t take the pain or discomfort due to the waits. I have many times. If you do move back check the waiting times and standards of care in hospitals in the area, chat gpt will help with this. I think area can make quite a difference.

yes living in inner London would not interest me for the fact that it’s over crowded and the same reasons you mention nhs wait times. I live by the coast and you could get a same day appointment. It makes a huge difference so I feel Your pain as I’m originally from east London. Maybe you could try a coastal town before jumping countries?

OP posts:
Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:42

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 25/07/2026 06:18

@MichelleRodriguezxx and @expatme I think some communities in Ohio, like any state, can be good and bad.

@MichelleRodriguezxx --your inlaws sound ugly all the way to the bone! Does your DH stick up for you? Edited to add: I read he finally has stood up for you a bit. He needs to do it always!
No idea what suburb you are in, but maybe see what you can join there or nearby. A gym? A book club? A womans group? Community outreach?

I also think Ohio City and University Circle are lovely!

I also like the areas along the lake, especially a few to the west of Cleveland. Lakewood has many walkable areas and parks and is in Cuyahoga County.
I'm in Lorain County and live in a relatively"poor" suburb but there are some really amazing ones along the lake. Vermilion, Ohio, for one, is a place I'd love to live. A beautiful downtown shopping center, great boat docks, small restaurants, activities and golf cart friendly.

OTOH, I could not see me in the "true country" part of any state or many of the frou-frou suburbs that are for the rich and competitive. LOL!

As for the abundance of chain restaurants? Yes, there ARE a lot in the USA. BUT, even in this area of Ohio, there are dozens upon dozens of wonderful small restaurants that are not part of a chain. Actual, probably hundreds.

As to living expenses. Yes, the USA has seen price jumps that boggle the mind. It was so much cheaper before COVID.

And I totally get the travel costs being outrageous! I am jealous at the prices the UK citizens pay for most flights. I couldn't fly to Chicago (325 miles away) for the price UK citizens pay to fly to Germany and many other places.

Edited
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ill check out vermillion thank you even if it’s for a day!! What brought you to Ohio? Are you from the UK? And plan to stay here?

OP posts:
CalmDownAndChill · 26/07/2026 20:09

I lived in the US as an expat for a number of years and had 2 of my kids there. You OP rang a bell with me. I was surprised at how foreign the US felt compared with the U.K. We lived on the outskirts of LA which you would think would be a cosmopolitan sort of place but we found it very small town. People were friendly but it always felt very superficial. I ended up making friends with other expats. I also lived in Austrailia, South Africa and Canada where I felt much more at home. It was always the US that felt the most foreign. I don’t know why, in a country that can produce such amazing comedy series, that no one I met seemed to get humour.
I did absolutely love the national parks though. (And also the Mexican food)
I always knew we would return to the UK and I’m so glad I did. I feel at home here and I really love the sense of community, I love the arts, the history and I love how friendly people are. I love that you can go anywhere and find footpaths to interesting places. I think the UK is a great place to live. I know it’s far from perfect but I still prefer living here to the other places we lived.

OP, if you husband is smoking weed every day and doesn’t show you any emotion or affection then surely you need to leave him. You shouldn’t have a kid with him even if you loved his family and where you were living. You can’t inflict a person like that on a child. One of the most important things you can do for your child is to choose their father carefully.

If you picture yourself leaving him and returning to the U.K. how does that are you feel?

PithyBeaker · 26/07/2026 20:25

MichelleRodriguezxx · 23/07/2026 17:31

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have lived in both the UK and the US, or who've faced a similar decision.
I'm originally from Essex, UK, but now live in Ohio for 3 years with my American husband. I'm really struggling to work out whether my feelings are just homesickness or whether I'm genuinely better suited to life in the UK.
UK (Essex)

  • £50k WFH job (Canary Wharf office if needed)
  • Family and lifelong friends nearby
  • 3-bed detached house in a village
  • Walkable pub, Friday fish & chip van (a genuine highlight!)
  • Near the coast
  • Easy access to London, Europe and weekend breaks

USA (Ohio)

  • $90k WFH job
  • Healthcare comes out of my salary
  • Groceries feel significantly more expensive
  • No office, fully remote
  • No family or close friends here (only my husband's family/friends)
  • 3-bed detached house with a decent amount of land
  • Need to drive everywhere
  • About 30 minutes from the nearest beach
  • Beautiful Metroparks nearby, which I walk in almost daily

My honest experience after living here is that money disappears much faster than I expected. The higher salary hasn't translated into feeling wealthier once healthcare, groceries, travel and other costs are factored in.
I've travelled around the US (Colorado, North Carolina, New York, Las Vegas, Savannah, Tennessee) and while there are some incredible places and stunning national parks, I often feel like so much of everyday America is built around chain restaurants, retail and driving. The national parks have genuinely been one of the things that have kept me going mentally.
One thing I really appreciate is the healthcare. When you need it, it's been fast, reliable and excellent.
What I've struggled with most is the sense of community. This is obviously just my experience, but interactions often feel friendly yet quite surface-level. People are polite, but I rarely feel those interactions develop into genuine connections. In England, I felt there was more banter, humour and community spirit, and neighbours were more likely to know each other.
Life here also feels much more car-dependent and individualistic. In England I loved being able to spontaneously book weekends away, visit different villages, drive to the coast or jump on a cheap flight to Europe. Here, holidays feel like they require much more planning, time off work and money. Domestic flights are also far more expensive than I'm used to.
At the same time, I'm aware the UK has its own problems right now—cost of living, the NHS, politics and general decline that people often talk about. I do wonder whether living in a village would shield me from some of that, as I genuinely loved my community there.
The hardest part has been family. Since moving I've lost two grandparents and missed both funerals. My parents are getting older, and my nephew now lives just 10 minutes from my old house. That's becoming increasingly difficult emotionally. His family have been VERY UNWELCOMING and want everything their own way. I am merely my husbands wife to them. We don’t see them a lot. They hate me. Think I’m using him and are just mean girl attitude.
I don't hate America at all, and I know experiences vary hugely by state. Ohio may not represent the whole country. There are definitely things I love here, especially the parks, the space and the quality of healthcare. The parks have stopped me from becoming depressed. Every day rolls into one here - I wake up - work - watch tv - sleep - in there big house - big car- I feel like that might suit some people but I can’t help but feel like I want a little more out of life. My husband says most people here are miserable that’s why they aren’t very nice or care about anyone deeply. Christmas in the UK is special, spas, pubs, everywhere is decorated and we get so much time off work. Here you’re lucky to get two days off. I honestly believe some Americans would talk to you in a supermarket, and if you got run over 5 minutes later they’d drive around you - nothing feels genuine here. Us Brit’s bond on humor. They don’t.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I miss the humour, the sense of belonging, the spontaneity and feeling part of a community.
Has anyone else moved from the UK to the US (or vice versa) and felt this way? Did it get better with time, or did you eventually realise one country simply suited your personality better? I'm really interested in hearing honest experience from people who've lived both lives. I’m running out of time to have children in either country.

Hello darlin. I don’t often post but felt compelled to respond to your post as a (half) American who has lived many years on both sides of the Atlantic. I was born in the US, lived there until secondary school then moved over here. Went back to the US for a few years after university but last there in 2010 so expect it has changed quite a bit. My honest answer is that quality of life here is better in almost all ways. I would never consider moving back to the states. I have school age DC and the quality of education here is so much better, not to mention no “live shooter” drills. 😔 Agree that everything in the states is worse and more expensive. Expectation that everyone lives to work there is completely normal. Food is TERRIBLE, so processed and artificial. I can’t bear to eat meat and dairy when I visit, it’s vile. Sorry, just being honest. I live in a small village here, for DC there is a school bus. We have a pub (or two) in walking distance and there is a fish and chip van. And I have friends in the village. If I had to provide some balance: the weather sucks in the winter, cold and grey, but you know that. And the trains get delayed a lot, and are pricey. There are (fewer and less spectacular) national parks - but the ones here are closer, no matter where you are. Also Europe... But you know all that. Good luck making a decision. I occasionally miss the US (I still have family there) but it is mostly nostalgia for 90s childhood there. If I didn’t have that (as I assume you don’t), I don’t think I would miss it at all.

Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 20:32

CalmDownAndChill · 26/07/2026 20:09

I lived in the US as an expat for a number of years and had 2 of my kids there. You OP rang a bell with me. I was surprised at how foreign the US felt compared with the U.K. We lived on the outskirts of LA which you would think would be a cosmopolitan sort of place but we found it very small town. People were friendly but it always felt very superficial. I ended up making friends with other expats. I also lived in Austrailia, South Africa and Canada where I felt much more at home. It was always the US that felt the most foreign. I don’t know why, in a country that can produce such amazing comedy series, that no one I met seemed to get humour.
I did absolutely love the national parks though. (And also the Mexican food)
I always knew we would return to the UK and I’m so glad I did. I feel at home here and I really love the sense of community, I love the arts, the history and I love how friendly people are. I love that you can go anywhere and find footpaths to interesting places. I think the UK is a great place to live. I know it’s far from perfect but I still prefer living here to the other places we lived.

OP, if you husband is smoking weed every day and doesn’t show you any emotion or affection then surely you need to leave him. You shouldn’t have a kid with him even if you loved his family and where you were living. You can’t inflict a person like that on a child. One of the most important things you can do for your child is to choose their father carefully.

If you picture yourself leaving him and returning to the U.K. how does that are you feel?

It’s odd isn’t it. I thought the 2 countries had a lot in common. I’ve been told it’s just Ohio but hearing your version makes me think maybe it isn’t. I do have a cousin who lives a few hours away and at my wedding she told me “I would cry but I haven’t felt any emotion since 2017 since I started zolof” (an anti depressant) I think America may push anti depressants / pills a lot more so I think a lot of them self medicate (daily weed). Weed is legal now in Ohio and one of the issues my husbands family had with me is because I tried to reduce/stop him smoking weed apparently I was trying to change him. You’d think a mother would be happy her son had someone to encourage him not to to drugs but no she told him to get rid of me.

It’s a scary feeling thinking of leaving. I’ll DM you.

OP posts:
Namechangee11 · 26/07/2026 20:32

One way that answer this is what would you tell your sister or another woman you loved to do if she asked your advice. You see, absolutely everyone here can see this isn't an Ohio or UK problem as such, this is a marriage that isn't working that just happens to be in America. I'm aware you are asking this so.you can get a kind of pros and cons list about the places but the problem is the marriage not the place. Your husband is smoking a load of weed and his family hate you. You cannot meet any friends (and I agree about the superficiality) and the only way to do so is have a child (with very little maternity leave and no family support...and you think your lonely now) with a man who has a drug habit and a family who hate you and if you do that you will be forced to stay in America forever or leave your child/children. It is very simple. Add to that the loss of your own family, which only really hits home after you've actually left. Come home and have an extended 'holiday' and bring anything important with you. Do not leave anything there that you aren't prepared to lose. If necessary, post some boxes ahead of you arriving because you should assume you will not be spared when his family gets back in there. Him throwing you the crumbs off his table and eventually doing the bare minimum isn't good enough and you should not accept that. Remember, what would you say to a woman you loved, and do that. You would never allow that woman to be treated like this and you shouldn't allow it for yourself.

Enrichetta · 26/07/2026 20:50

MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:19

What was your experience in living In both countries , and which parts?

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My specific experience is irrelevant, other than I just never settled - despite living in a lovely little town. There was nothing wrong with my American life, but it simply wasn’t for me. But YOU have to decide based on YOUR own experience.

Do so sooner rather than later though. Definitely do not have children until you’re sure because you would be stuck.

@ClawsandEffect - your Green Card may have expired but your status hasn’t. Unless you file I-407 you are still a Permanent US Resident, with all the responsibilities associated with this status.

PithyBeaker · 26/07/2026 20:59

MichelleRodriguezxx · 25/07/2026 18:04

Should probably add (although i don’t want much judgement) that husband smokes weed pretty much daily so it disconnects him from reality and I feel even more disconnected from him.

Oh dear just read this. Honey, you sound really unhappy. Having kids with a disassociated father and hostile in-laws in a foreign country where you already feel kind of lost? No. This will not get better if you add kids. I’m really sorry to say this but I bet you’d be happier if you moved home. I think you probably already know this but maybe just need to hear someone else say it?

PithyBeaker · 26/07/2026 21:05

Namechangee11 · 26/07/2026 20:32

One way that answer this is what would you tell your sister or another woman you loved to do if she asked your advice. You see, absolutely everyone here can see this isn't an Ohio or UK problem as such, this is a marriage that isn't working that just happens to be in America. I'm aware you are asking this so.you can get a kind of pros and cons list about the places but the problem is the marriage not the place. Your husband is smoking a load of weed and his family hate you. You cannot meet any friends (and I agree about the superficiality) and the only way to do so is have a child (with very little maternity leave and no family support...and you think your lonely now) with a man who has a drug habit and a family who hate you and if you do that you will be forced to stay in America forever or leave your child/children. It is very simple. Add to that the loss of your own family, which only really hits home after you've actually left. Come home and have an extended 'holiday' and bring anything important with you. Do not leave anything there that you aren't prepared to lose. If necessary, post some boxes ahead of you arriving because you should assume you will not be spared when his family gets back in there. Him throwing you the crumbs off his table and eventually doing the bare minimum isn't good enough and you should not accept that. Remember, what would you say to a woman you loved, and do that. You would never allow that woman to be treated like this and you shouldn't allow it for yourself.

“Come home and have an extended 'holiday' and bring anything important with you. Do not leave anything there that you aren't prepared to lose. If necessary, post some boxes ahead of you arriving”

this is very good advice. FWIW, I recently had to make a really difficult decision about a relationship. I knew in my gut what I should do but it was so hard and the easy (passive) thing was to do nothing. I posted on MN bc I think I needed to hear (hundreds of) anonymous people online tell me what I already knew deep down I had to do. So, perhaps that is also what you are doing now sub-consciously. Anyway, if you want to talk more or need support, feel free to DM me.

Original poster
MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 21:10

Enrichetta · 26/07/2026 20:50

My specific experience is irrelevant, other than I just never settled - despite living in a lovely little town. There was nothing wrong with my American life, but it simply wasn’t for me. But YOU have to decide based on YOUR own experience.

Do so sooner rather than later though. Definitely do not have children until you’re sure because you would be stuck.

@ClawsandEffect - your Green Card may have expired but your status hasn’t. Unless you file I-407 you are still a Permanent US Resident, with all the responsibilities associated with this status.

Show quote history

Is that true for me also? If my green card expires I am still a Perm Resident?

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 26/07/2026 21:14

Yes of course. You’d have to renounce or continue to file taxes on your worldwide income. Better read up on what being a PR entails.

Viz, Boris Johnson’s experience…

impartialusername · 26/07/2026 21:15

Although I haven’t lived in the US I once lived abroad and travelled a lot to US in my 20s.
i too after around 6 years felt more and more homesick. Really missed the banter and people. I was lucky that my travel meant I could pop back to the UK often. For me I knew I wanted to raise a family in UK. I was so happy when I moved back and appreciated it so much more than I did before! It’s been 7 years back in the UK with no regrets and no desire to be anywhere else!

parachutegirl · 26/07/2026 21:38

It doesn’t sound like the US has anything going for it whatsoever. Horrible in laws/friends, no community, nowhere decent to visit for short breaks, no social life. Move back home before you have kids.

SENsupportplease · 26/07/2026 21:57

Can you come back for an extended holiday and see how you feel here?

also, if you took a snapshot of your life now and it was still the same in 20 years, how would you feel? What choices would you make now to make future you happy?

Funkylights · 26/07/2026 22:09

OP what is your age difference too? Is that a factor. What did you have in common when you met?
as I said before the US culture is more different than people realise IME.
The sense of humour is very different and banter / laughing at self and others isn’t a thing. You have to drive everywhere.
Even when in towns it was the same. Only in NY and Boston did anyone walk anywhere.

knitnerd90 · 26/07/2026 23:12

the more you post, the more I don’t think you have a US problem; you have a husband problem.

BruFord · 27/07/2026 01:58

He’s quite supportive as in includes me with his friends but he won’t do any activities I enjoy like walk the dog, go to the gym, go food shopping

@MichelleRodriguezxx What do you have in common? You need a few shared interests.

Xanhi · 27/07/2026 05:40

I am from the UK but have lived in quite a few different countries including briefly in the USA. I live in the UK at the moment and love it, but the place I least liked living in was also the UK. 20 years ago spent 2 years living in the suburbs and it was not for me at all as it was dull and isolating even though I was travelling to work every day. The US takes suburban living to the next level and I know I couldn't do that for long.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 27/07/2026 16:43

MichelleRodriguezxx · 26/07/2026 19:42

ill check out vermillion thank you even if it’s for a day!! What brought you to Ohio? Are you from the UK? And plan to stay here?

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I was born and bred in Ohio. Lived a couple of years in Chicago but I am just an Ohio girl.

You will love Vermilion. It's right on the lake, there are several really nice individual restaurants and shops. There are actually several towns that are small and homey, but most are in central/southern Ohio.

FlappicusSmith · 27/07/2026 22:19

Another one who is slightly confused by your response the responses here.

This is so clearly a relationship issue, not a location issue. The issue with your 'D'H and his (quite frankly weird) sounding family is definitely being exacerbated by you being so isolated in a crap-sounding location, but maybe that's a blessing in a way as it's shining a very bright light on all that's wrong in the marriage?

You don't really talk about why you're with him or whether you've spoken honestly to him about your feelings about staying or coming back to the UK. If you're not able to talk to him about this then that's another massive warning sign.

Btw, I lived in the US for 7 years in my late 20s/30s in a really desirable city that loads of people want to live in, and I had family there, but I still felt like a foreigner and wanted to come home. In fact, the longer I was there the more I felt that way because the more I noticed the subtle cultural differences or the fact that I didn't have that shared history with friends even though I got on really well with them. I'm really glad we came back when we did and we had our kids in the UK and we were here when parents became elderly, unwell, passed away, that I've got to see my friends kids growing up and be a part of their lives, etc.

I think you know that the answer is coming home OP and also that might mean the end of your marriage. And that's incredibly hard to face up to. But better to do it now, while you've got time to make a life for yourself in the UK again.

AND DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM OUT THERE. Otherwise you will be stuck there forever with toxic in-laws who will have a lot of influence over your children and your life.

VeryQuaintIrene · 28/07/2026 15:02

@MichelleRodriguezxx Sorry for the delayed reply - a colonoscopy yesterday knocked me out for a bit! I was only able to retain all those connections because I went back several times a year (I'm an only child with a mum who needed a lot of practical and emotional support). Can you scrape up the time and money to do that? People have their own lives and it is a bit "out of sight, out of mind" when you are away, but coming back regularly makes you a novelty and old friends would probably be welcoming and make time for you. But I agree with a lot of posters that the awful in-laws and the weed-smoking husband are at least as much a problem as Ohio is.

Dozer · 28/07/2026 18:39

I too don’t understand your approach to your problems.

If you have DC where you are you will likely have to live there until DC are adults.

Your H also has addiction issues.

Better to move back to the UK.

Rugrats100 · 28/07/2026 21:50

God, OP, it gets worse everytime you post. Your marriage sounds awful, seriously, without meaning to be unkind….what are you doing?!!

Life is too short, please pack a couple of suitcases, tell him you want to come home for a few weeks and then tell him you want a divorce once you’re back over here.

You're wasting time with this man when you could be back here, with your family and friends, meeting the future father of your children.

p.s, I’m from Norfolk in the UK, it’s an amazing place to live/ bring up children Grin