I wish we’d never moved

[IJumpedAboardAPirateShip]

I am so so homesick and have been for a while, I just want to move back to the U.K. we’ve been in the stages for 8+ years and DH has always been anti a return back but the intention was never to stay forever. We are at a total stalemate even being able to talk about it so we’re going to couples therapy to try to navigate our way through.

We’ve had a good life here but now it’s tarnished by me feeling totally trapped and I just want out. I honestly wish we’d never come in the first place.

Most likely SE. My work centres around London, my parents are in Sussex and all my friends are still in London or on the outskirts. I would ideally love to Brighton but DH doesn’t want to be in a town/city so we’re working on that too but would also ultimately depend where he would get work. Most jobs are London but a lot are remote working flexible and some companies in his industry are based in places like Guildford. I don’t want him to move and have a horrid commute and also there seems little point in moving back and living so far from my parents we’d have to stay over whenever we see them. Having said that, having lived in CA we now don’t blink at driving 2 hours for a day trip 😆

Thought I’d give a bit of an update. We’ve had a breakthrough and have decided to go home. We have to wait for naturalisation to come through (it’s taking up to a year at the moment so I have all my fingers crossed for next summer) otherwise I think we’d be looking to go over the next couple of months.

Therapy has really helped us discuss this together. I think we were both baulking at the “foreverness” of staying here for me or going home for DH. We discussed the fact that if things aren’t going well for whatever reason, 2023 we actually have an opportunity to move back should we think we need to, in terms of DC education as eldest would be transitioning from middle to high school and youngest from elementary to middle school and rather than another new big move they would be going back to somewhere we know.

We are both trusting each other to do this properly, DH has said he will give it his all to make the move a success and I have promised not to just refuse a move back if we genuinely think it would be better for our family, and I think we trust each other on this. In theory if we want to stay for longer there are other dates further down the road that we can reconsider hence getting citizenship to keep our options open.

I really do wish we could just go now but this gives us time to plan and get everything in order and for DH to either find a new job or look into the potentials of moving home with his current company.

I think we both feel really positive mainly about how we’ve managed to totally turn around how we communicate with each other on these huge issues and realise we really don’t want to be in that situation again, so continuing with therapy for now

Wow that's amazing, what a shift in a short period of time. Therapy was a great move and has obviously really helped. Sounds like you have come to an equally supportive place for you both. It sounds very fair on both your parts. I feel chuffed for you!

We have also made some big decisions, first that we are returning to the UK. Next steps are deciding on schooling and location. I think the bit by bit approach has helped. I know I'm going to feel a sense of loss about our lifestyle here as will my DH. Moving back in the long term though really feels like the right choice. Like you we are discussing ideas of how we can keep our lives open rather than feeling like we are closing everything down.

Congrats on your progress so far!

Wow that's amazing, what a shift in a short period of time. Therapy was a great move and has obviously really helped. Sounds like you have come to an equally supportive place for you both. It sounds very fair on both your parts. I feel chuffed for you!

We have also made some big decisions, first that we are returning to the UK. Next steps are deciding on schooling and location. I think the bit by bit approach has helped. I know I'm going to feel a sense of loss about our lifestyle here as will my DH. Moving back in the long term though really feels like the right choice. Like you we are discussing ideas of how we can keep our lives open rather than feeling like we are closing everything down.

Congrats on your progress so far!

Oh wow congrats on making a decision too @Canihaveafairygodmotherpls

It’s a grit amount of time since starting the thread but realistically it’s been 8.5yrs of living here, 5yrs longer than we originally intended to, 4 years of ever increasingly fraught conversations and a year of being in a shorty place totally unable to discuss it so, you know!

What’s your plan for when you think you’ll return? Schools and location is next for us but also job dependant for DH, he gets a long term employee bonus in March which will help with our repatriation costs and covering living expenses For a while if things go tits up but I don’t see us getting citizenship before then anyway.

Good luck with your endeavours - I see someone has set up a “moving back to the U.K.” support thread I might join but will keep this going too as I imagine we will have bumps along the way.

I’m on the beach for the 3rd time in as many days and that’s def something I’m already mourning the loss of!!

Grit? Short!

That is fantastic news! Glad you and DH have worked it out.

Now it's all about the planning. And since you have kids, timing is so important. You would want them to be back in UK for a good start on GCSE, but there are other options, like IB, etc.

What do your DC think of the idea? Are they happy to move back?

The vague plan is to head back next summer. Honestly I think we’d be looking g to go now but have to wait for naturalisation and just hoping against hope it won’t take longer than a year.

DC don’t know yet, we’re going to wait to bring it up for a bit I think. Lots of little things need to be done to the house, lots of sorting out of general stuff. I think if we’re on track around Christmas that’s when we’ll bring it up with them.

If we manage it for next summer, DS will be starting year 8

I’m reading this because i want to relocate
To
Somewhere in the U.K.
Three hours from here
I’ve always wanted to live by the sea, even as a child, only thing holding us back is family and friends
I have a 13 year old and a 6 year old
And the 13 year old is up for it and so is dh
And I’m worried if we wait we might miss the chance of all going together

@Lardlizard where do you currently live?
Go for it!
I'm stuck in my husbands country. Working on finding the exit.

Hey! I have just found this thread and i'm left wondering what happened?? Did it all work out for you???
I am desperate to moved back to the U.K from northern europe and partner doesn't- so found some similarities in our stories!
Would love an update and ultimately hope everyone is settled and happy!