Morning everyone. Well, I had quite a pretty painful night to be honest, but I’m not surprised as yesterday really took it right out of me. I was apparently extremely dehydrated when I arrived and needed 3 bags of fluid and heart rate refused to go below about 140- which is not uncommon lately. I have been drinking loads but have had a constant dry mouth, so not really surprised, and maybe it’s also all the insane sweating? Maybe just the blooming cancer. Anyway, fluid has brought my levels to a somewhat better state overnight, still tachycardic, but now need a couple of bags of blood as also anaemic. Getting those soon. Never had a blood transfusion before. Only time before this horror I’d ever been in hospital was to have a whopping 9lb Jacob!
The pain, pressure and sweating overnight was not fun, not going to lie, I missed my comfy ‘nest’ in the sunroom at home, but so glad to be here. Earlier in the evening I’d had to lie flat for about 15 mins (total nightmare, can’t tolerate for more than a couple of mins on my back without extreme pain) for the CT scans and then again for an ECG which took forever as the printing paper was stuck. So, I’m not surprised that it had a knock on effect on pain. I did sleep from about 1.30am - 6am, so not too bad! Poor Kerr got a mattress on the floor and didn’t really sleep, he’s an emotional wreck this morning, he’s so overcome by the care and attention I’m getting here that I think it’s just all a bit much. Love him so much, he’s the absolute best.
Just had breakfast (porridge with honey, and a wee bit of sourdough toast) and that’s the last thing I can eat as I ‘may’ be having the surgery today. Won’t be until later this afternoon though and the surgeon will come and speak to me at some point this morning. Shitting myself about it, never actually had an operation before, but hell what’s he options?! Tons more scared of not having it or not it not being viable. Either way, Just going to have faith and trust.
They are also going to take more biopsies as frankly they don’t trust Belfast to send them the original, and it will be quicker this way. They are universally appalled at my story, but I’m not going to go over that again as I’m all for positivity and healing moving ahead now, just not getting stuck in dwelling and negativity of past failings. There may be a time for that, it’s not now.
Just got moved to a bigger room so Kerr can have an actual bed beside me. Brighter too, facing out on to the street so a bit of buzz, but windows don’t open very far and I really need a breeze right now, but gosh I’m not complaining. I feel extremely lucky to be here, I feel like maybe some of my prayers are really being answered.
I honestly believe that all your good thoughts, prayers and support are having an actual influence on the universe, I truly do have faith in that sort of energy having a collective effect. I’m here on the wings of all the love I have around me, including here on Mumsnet, and I’m so truly grateful, I don’t want to sound like a stuck record, but I am.
Having my blood transfusion now and feeling a little bit ropey so going to sign off for now and will update later on. Jacob and mum have been in touch this morning and I’m going to FT them in a wee while!