Morning everyone. Well, I lived to tell the tale. Feeling absolutely wiped out beyond belief. It is all a bit hazy, and I’m still on morphine so who knows what I’m actually writing here - the sign i’m the wall keeps looking like it’s sliding down the wall, very weird and not sure I like it, does not take away all the pain either, frustratingly as I thought morphine basically took everything away. It’s oramorph, I don’t know if that makes a difference. I’ve had 17.5mg since 10pm last night, is that a lot? Also keep falling asleep and am semi drifting while writing this. Also haven’t eaten a thing since Wednesday dinner won’t be helping. All drugs and no food - would not recommend.
The op (finally) was done. The stress of waiting from 1.30pm to 6.30pm, with the inherent fear that it wouldn’t happen, was pretty shit. I’d have even pacing the floor if I physically could. But happen it finally did. I have zero clue what went away until I was wheeled back into Kerr about 9.45pm. I now have an ascetic drain for the fluid on my abdomen (they collected loads of that, like a couple of litres already and it’s still going strong), and the biliary duct drain. It’s not collecting so much which is kind of freaking me out and I’m a bit obsessed by it. They did a duct at the back, the only really viable one, so we will see if it’s at all affecting. I don’t know what we do if it isn’t and I’m still as yellow as ever today, keep looking at my eyes. Kerr is very reassuring that all will be ok and if can’t possibly all disappear so quickly, but I’m scared and hoped it would better almost immediately and it’s not. Truth be told I feel worse, but I’ve been through quite traumatic surgery and I’m knackered.
The bad news is this. My right lung (have mets there) has partially collapsed and has some fluid but low level. My sats have been low the day or so (92-93), but it was put down to me wearing gel polish and the machine not reading it well, and just me being me. During the op apparently my sats went super low (don’t know what) and there was a bit of a mad panic. So I had YET another CT scan after the op, about 10.30pm that was so painful, had to be transferred back and forth from bed to stretcher to CT machine and back, and that was so so bloody painful, I was basically shouting for morphine which is not me at all.
I’m now on those oxygen bud things up my nose which have brought sats up to 95-96, but I’m seriously worried that the new lung issues is yet another factor on which they rule out chemo. Prof B is coming to see us this morning and I don’t know if that’s a bad omen or I’m just suffering from ptsd about everything so far and I’m assuming the worst.
So, first operation complete. Feeling really crap so far, but early days. Oh, also had to use a bed pan (one of those egg carton type affairs) in the middle of the night as I’m hooked up to so many drains and infusions and weak as a kitten that I couldn’t even think about a mission to the loo. So that was incredibly undignified, these nurses truly do see it all, incredible people they are. Kind of need again not sure what to do.