I’m on the plane writing this. I did it!
Won’t be able to post until I land at London City. It’s been a frantic day of packing, panicking, tearful goodbyes to mum and Jacob and sheer willpower to move myself from the house.
I’m so very scared I won’t see them again, but I’m trying not to get overwrought. The plan is for them to come to London in a few days - will sort the logistics of that when we have some time to think, it’s all been such a mad whirl. This time yesterday I was basically accepting death at home.
Didn’t get confirmation of a bed in the private hospital until early afternoon, so then it was a total panic to book the first flight we could - we are on British Airways at frankly insane cost, but that’s the last thing we care about in the great scheme.
In some ways I wish Jacob had come too, but he’s with my mum and she needs support as well, they will look after each other and maybe it’s best I get the next couple of days past to see where I am at and then we can plan. I will FaceTime them all the time, until they are fed up seeing my rather wizened and jaundiced face. I wore sunglasses in the wheelchair through the airport - felt ridiculous but my eyes are practically luminous and I just didn’t want anyone to see me like that, it’s quite scary.
I remember days when I really looked forward to going to London, enjoyed the flight, maybe had a wee drink en route and was ready for a weekend, maybe going to a nice restaurant with Kerr, a show, catching up with friends, taking Jacob to the Harry Potter exhibition or just sightseeing, a concert at the O2 (went to more than a handful of Prince’s 21 Nites at the 02 in the summer of 2007 - huge fan). Amazing memories, and just time for the fun stuff in life. Gosh, we should always do things like that if we can, not put them off, not think there will always be a next time.
I finally posted about my situation to my friends on Facebook today. Thought long and hard about that as (despite this) I’m usually a private person and really don’t enjoy attention or spectacle. The replies have been upsetting (in a nice way) and comforting too. Didn’t want to pop my clogs and not to have said anything at all apart from to family and very close friends.
Landing soon so going to save and post when I can. Thank you for the messages, the lit candles, the prayers, the support. You all lift me up and I feel the love and the kindness, I really do.
Just landed, absolutely exhausted but posting now!