Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

@HeadPain it's desperately sad that we are all here.
@Cocolapew my dad finally got to see her yesterday. Apparently she's lost loads of weight. She's having another lung drain. We are not allowed to take her home just yet but hopefully something this week. I spoke to her yesterday and she is a little confused. But it was so lovely to hear her voice.
@buckeejit is that right that they can limit food intake?? Omg That's shocked me.
I'm hoping to visit her today.

Oh I'm glad to hear that @Milkshake01. Here's hoping she's out soon.
I'm awake because mum phoned st 5.15 to say Dad had been stuck on the commode for half an hour, why she didn't phone sooner I don't know.
Me and Dh got him back into bed but he really isn't well. He was shaking so badly DH had to put the paracetamol in his mouth for him. I cleaned the basin and Dad had said it was only wee in it, but it was bright red.
I'm phoning for a GP home visit when the lines open.

Cocolapew, buckeejit and milkshake, sounds like you're all having a pretty grim time. I'm really sorry.

My mum's now halfway through her course of chemo. I know I should be grateful she's strong enough to have it, but I'm already starting to get nervous about the scan (which I presume will be in Nov) and what will happen if it hasn't managed to shrink the tumours. It feels like all the results so far have been bad, and I'm just expecting more of the same. It's a while off yet, so I know I need to not think about that yet.

I hope the scans are good news, try not to think about atm, though thats easier said than done.
GP came and said dad was retaining urine and probably had a uti. He got catheterised and 2 and a half litres came out!
It's still in so he has to stay in bed thankfully.
She was going to do blood tests but we've decided not to, if it shows kidney failure he would have to be offered treatment so by not doing them he will just continue with palliative care. Every time a Dr mentions hospital he thinks he has to agree to it even though he doesn't want to go.

My mum is sadly loosing her battle 💔
We are now allowed in to be with her ❤️

@Millshake01 I’m so sorry. Sending you love and strength

@Millshake01 sending you lots of love. Hang in there.

Hope everyone else is holding up as best as you all can.

I’m very sorry to hear that @Millshake01
Glad you can see and see her.
💐

I'm very sorry @Milkshake01, sending you hugs and strength ❤️

Millshake. I'm really sorry and thinking of you.

Thinking of you all on this thread who's parents are near the end.

My mum is in the hospice for palliative care and likely to get out later in the week. Now her pain in under control she is talking about how she is "fine" and can look after herself, we are to leave her alone, stop calling over all the time and she can make her own dinners etc. We are playing along for the time being but I think this is a form of denial as she is now in less pain. Even though last week she was fully accepting that her cancer was quickly getting worse.

She is having a scan next week, I'm expecting it to be bad news, that she'll get some kind of timeline and we can plan. She is also starting immunotherapy but it seems like a bit of a shot in the dark. Although of course, have to be hopeful that they are only doing it if there might be some benefit.

In relation to the post below about cutting back on food, I'm by no means an expert but have been listening to a few death and dying podcast which say that once the body starts to shut down, food (and later water) is no longer necessary. It is desperately sad and God knows how you are all coping.

I know it's ahead for us too - this terrible rollercoaster that you can't get off. Cancer is just so shit.

Mum very sadly left us early this evening. We are all absolutely heartbroken 💔
We were finally allowed onto the ward. Fucking covid. Prevented us to see her for her last few days. When she was awake and we could have a chat with her. I'm so fucking cross we didn't get this chance to be with her.
I was holding her hand when she left.
My son was holding her other hand. She went peacefully.
I wish you & your loved ones well and thank you for the support & kind words ❤️ xx

I'm so very sorry Milkshake, I'm glad you were able to be with your Mum at the end and it was peaceful for her ❤️

hello. I'm happy to have found this thread. my lovely old mum is on end of life care. she has lung cancer that has spread to her bones and is in a lot of pain and she has got very immobile in the last week - there are four of us children and we are all caring for her at home as best we can but with jobs/families/ travelling to her home its exhausting . I feel so sad and helpless. She's really grumpy too - I don't blame her but its hard going. Bastard disease

Thinking of you and your family Milkshake
I’m glad you got to see her, spend some time with her and it was peaceful at the end. 💐❤️

Take care @Millshake01 xxx

Sincere condolences @Millshake01 hope it was a comfort to be with her at the end & so glad for you all that it was peaceful

@Cocolapew it's a relief of some sort when they have to stay in bed but another desperately sad stage too.

Mum isn't really asking for much food/drink now-nurse said if the body doesn't want it, then don't give it. I had read about much less food & drink too @Focalpoint but it was still a shock for that to happen so suddenly. Was like someone had flicked a switch. I'm on duty to make tea tonight & think I will just take make pasta for everyone else & offer a little custard or yogurt or something for mum. She's sleeping a lot more again now.

@Member869894 welcome & sorry to see you here. You'd think 4 children would you do be enough to share the load but it is still relentless & both emotionally & physically exhausting. Hope your mum gets meds to get pain under control soon. Do push the care team to review it.

@Focalpoint hoping your mum maybe just needs a little space to process what's happening & allows you all to support some more again soon.

I've been thinking the last few days, although it's all so awful for us just now, how when I spoke to the neuro nurse a few months ago & said that I wanted mum to have a good death & my wish would be that she would stay calm, comfortable & pain free. We're so lucky that so far she's been all of those things, she hasn't even taken a pain killer yet. I know things could be so much worse & if she was angry or complaining it would be a lot harder on the family as she was never that way in her life

@Millshake01

Mum very sadly left us early this evening. We are all absolutely heartbroken 💔 We were finally allowed onto the ward. Fucking covid. Prevented us to see her for her last few days. When she was awake and we could have a chat with her. I'm so fucking cross we didn't get this chance to be with her. I was holding her hand when she left. My son was holding her other hand. She went peacefully. I wish you & your loved ones well and thank you for the support & kind words ❤️ xx

I'm so sorry.

Yes, COVID/COVID rules have added more trouble and pain to already awful situations. I'm sorry. You have every right to be cross.

I'm glad you and your son were there holding her hand when she left, and that it was peaceful. Lots of love 💜💜

I wish none of us were going through this.

@Millshake01 lots of love to you. Lovely that you and your son could hold her hands at the end but awful that your last days with her were taken away.

Has anyone got any weird stress symptoms?
Apart from the usual sore head/neck, I've had a whooshing noise in my ears since Dad was told he had only a few months. It feels like my head is filling up sometimes.
How has everyone been today? We've had a terrible day. Dad is very, very confused, lots of hallucinations. Me and DH went round this morning to try to lift him further up the bed to eat but it was impossible.
Thankfully the district nurse came to change his bag. He a big bloke so the 2 of them managed. Mum and Dad eventually agreed to get a hospital bed. We've emptied their small room for it coming in the next few days.
I had a migraine so went to bed and got a phone call after 30 minutes to say he was out off bed, he was halfway out when we got there with mum desperately trying to hold him up.
If DH hadn't been off today we would have been stuck, I don't know how Dad managed to get where he was he can't even roll over by himself.

Hi all,
I've been reading this thread the past few days and working up the courage to join.
My father in law found out he has Lung cancer and a day later was told it has already spread to his Liver.
Macmillan nurses have been really lovely and we are guessing we have a few weeks left. Very fortunate to have lots of family about but it's still a mental and emotional toll.
Im scared for my husband as he seems to be burying his head in the sand about it all as are his sisters.
For now we are counting every day as a bonus and have told our kids who are struggling with the news too.
Sending hugs to all of you going through this. It's so tough we are grieving, in shock and trying to put on brave faces but it's so so tough.

@Cocolapew -I found it so hard when it became physically difficult for us to move dm about. Check if it's a airflow mattress that's coming with the hospital bed-they are really good. In terms of stress, I just had a bit of twitching, bad sleep & completely disproportionate rage at things.

@Rollercoasteremotion I'm so sorry to hear about your shocking news. It's hard to accept how quickly you all even have to process that information. Is your fil mobile & cognitive? I'm so glad we had a few family get togethers in the last few months while dm could be involved-she loved everyone together. As strange at is may seem, this short time is a strange sort of gift while you're going through 'anticipatory grief'.

I sort of did an impromptu photo shoot with my parents a couple of weeks after mum's diagnosis, (although my dm was given 3 months), with all the grandchildren & I'm so glad I have those photos. My dm hasn't really talked about what is happening & doesn't complain so it's hard to have a direction for your emotions. There's a short section at the end of the book grief works I think that offers a summary of thoughts or things to consider. It's a good book but as a whole, might be a bit much to fit in your potential short time. If you want me to send a photo sample, let me know

It is an air flow, all we have to do is work out how we're going to get him from one room to another 😣

@Cocolapew call your district nurse & ask for a steady

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iEaFaQVmShw

Thanks @buckeejit, I'm not sure that would work, he can't stand at all and has no power in his hands and arms to hold on.
The nurse asked us today how we would move him and didn't mention one of these.
We do have a wheelchair that was my Grans and I've been thinking we should be able to pull him down the bed with a slip sheet and if the back of the chair is down, lift him into it.
I've worked in special care for nearly 30 years so I'm used to moving people, it's just seems worse when its your Dad