Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

So sorry to hear that @Munchies123
Thinking of you all

Hello to all the new people who've joined the thread.

Munchies, I'm so sorry, and thinking of you and your family.

Thankyou for your kind thoughts. My lovely mum died this afternoon, less than an hour after my post. My sister and I stepped out for 5 mins to give carers some space and she took her last breath. I feel quite numb

@Munchies123 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's overwhelming.

Since my mum's recent diagnosis I have been listening to grief cast which is a podcast with people, often comedians who have lost over ones. Many times it has been said that the patient waits for people, especially their children to leave the room before dying. I have founds listening to this podcast strangely comforting at this difficult time.

My mum is in dire need of a hospital bed which they couldn't bring on Friday. Meanwhile my lovely uncle in hospital was due to be discharged & get a hospital bed. Uncle is a hoarder & aunt already in a hospital bed in next room & immobile. Cousins couldn't get the space made for the bed so asked them to wait, (while we're desperate for one 10 miles down the road!). Lovely uncle died yesterday afternoon.

I'm struggling with the inadequacies of the NHS

Munchies, I'm so sorry. I'm not surprised you feel numb, you must be exhausted. I had the same thought as buckeejit, that it sounds like your mum waited for you to go before she passed.

Buckeejit, I'm very sorry about your uncle. Life is shit at times.

Please may I join? My brother has secondary peritoneal cancer (after bowel cancer last year). It's not my parents but I don't feel I can be posting on the partner's thread either and I would love somewhere to talk.

@Munchies123 I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing ok. @buckeejit that sounds really frustrating and I’m sorry about your uncle. What a hard time you are having. Lots of love to everyone

NoYOUbekind, of course you can, and I'm very sorry about your brother.

@Fhortu

NoYOUbekind, of course you can, and I'm very sorry about your brother.

Thanks @Fhortu We just lost our mum last month (though not to cancer) so I am really struggling with it all.

@Munchies123 I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you want to tell us a little bit about your mum, would that help? No worries if not! Did you manage to get any rest last night?

Very sorry to hear about your Mum @Munchies123 💐

@Munchies123 I am so sorry about your Mum. 💐

Mum has stage 4 and we have got her home after being in hospital for the last week. She has gone from being mobile to completely dependent on us. She hardly talks and is barely eating. We don't have the right equipment at home so worried about falling out of bed. Chasing different teams over bank holiday weekend and not getting anywhere. Dad is in shock with how quickly mum has declined. This is such a cruel disease

@momentsofmagic I'm so sorry-we have beeen struggling with sudden severely impaired mobility & it's awful.

Could you check on local Facebook/gumtree/eBay for a couple of grab rails that go under the mattress or child's rail in the interim? I bought a slide sheet from Amazon that was here next day which has been really important for moving in the bed

Munchies

My DM has peritoneal cancer and is coming up to 5 years post diagnosis. She is doing ok but it's palliative care and chemo.

DDad is in remission from prostate cancer.

NoYOUbekind
That sounds incredibly tough with losing your mum so recently as well. Life really can be cruel.

momentsofmagic It really is brutal. My dad is also in shock, I think, over how quickly everyday life has been turned upside down. It's almost as bad seeing the toll mum's illness has taken on him as on her.

itsgettingwierd

Hello everyone.
I’m so sorry we’re all here, and sorry to hear about your mum @Munchies123 and your uncle @buckeejit.

My dad’s not well at all- diagnosed in January/ Feb time and had an unsuccessful op and now unsuccessful chemo… the cancer has spread but we haven’t heard much from the consultants on that. I’m guessing because he’s also had a couple of infections that they’re dealing with first. Thankfully he’s on a ward where he can have a visitor each day.

I keep thinking about him in past tense- it’s so upsetting. He’s still here but every time we chat I think to myself ‘you’d best remember this’, or he starts reminiscing and I just want to howl. He hates it when I cry and I try really hard not to, it’s only happened a couple of times but bloody hell, it’s difficult.

Thankyou so much everyone.
@momentsogmagic. This sounds very similar to our tale. Just having your mum home is so important. It's bloody hard, I won't lie, but cherish every single second. Big hugs all round

52buckeejit can I ask how bad your DM's symptoms were at point of diagnosis of the brain tumour?

My DM is waiting on results from MRI. CT showed something on the brain.. she has breast cancer with bone mets.

My mum is my best friend. I can't believe my little girl won't get to grow up with her around. My world is about to become even smaller and it feels so lonely.

Thinking of you all and hoping everyone has a support network of some kind.

So sorry to hear this @WeebleGirl it's such an anxious time.

My mum had a few confused episodes & saw GP about 28th May. She's amazing with remembering details & knows dates of her friends' grandchildren's birthdays. GP asked her a few questions incl. 100-7 & she answered 8 thousand..... from my limited knowledge if there's already a cancer there e.g . Breast, (they thought there was something in mum's breast but then scanned & said no), it's possible that a brain tumour could be a secondary cancer feeding from the primary tumour in the breast & potentially easier to treat. Like o say no expert but may be worth reading up on.

She had looked more tired in recent months but I put it down to getting older as she'd never complain & was never ill. When she got some steroids on that first day, within hours she was looking & feeling better than she had in years. She was given maybe 3 months at diagnosis - that was 9th June & she was physically good until 2-3 weeks ago & we've done our best to enjoy that time. In the last week we've had a sharp shock & barely comfortable with 3 people. My advice if you get a diagnosis with potential sharp deterioration is to request equipment ASAP. Waiting for equipment is very difficult.

I'd really recommend taking some nice photos With your mum & daughter if you can have everyone comfortable with it. And griefcast.

My mum has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which has spread to quite a few other organs. Really struggling.

Thank you for all the advice. Reading on and off. Have managed to order the sheet to help move patients. Hopefully will arrive today. Now that bank holiday weekend is done am able to speak to people more. Nurse from hospice will come around. She is horrified that the hospital released Mum without proper care in place at home. She is going to chase for the bed rails and various other things. Am home for a rest while my brother is there but will be back later. My body is in agony from all the lifting and from lack of sleep. Hoping to have a camper bed in living room with Mum tonight rather than on the sofa. And need to find emergency adult nappies aa we are running out what we have at home. Just until my online order arrives or district nurse supplies some.

@Winterfairy23 so sorry to hear this. We are here for you if you want to talk about it.

My mum has stage 4 breast cancer and is on palliative care . She was diagnosed 2.5 years ago but has really gone downhill since Christmas. My dad who's 80 is her primary carer and then I go there every afternoon to help. Its a horrible situation, it really is, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My mum has severe health anxiety too which really impacts her treatment and its just so wearing mentally. My husband has MS so its not like my home life is stress free either, although he a great support to me, I couldn't ask for better. Its got to the stage now where she has no quality of life, none at all, its so unfair . The palliative care team are lovely but very understaffed and under resourced so we hardly see them. My only brother is useless, he has opted out entirely so it's just me. I'm feeling so worn out mentally by it all but there's no solution I know.

@Winterfairy23

My mum has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which has spread to quite a few other organs. Really struggling.

So sorry to hear this @Winterfairy23 We didn’t get a stage re my Dad. But they says it was advanced and it has spread. Treatment has started. But they’re looking at 12-24 months. Stating the obvious here - but it’s all shit isn’t it.

@ElizabethTudor it really is. I feel like a child again and can’t stop thinking how it’s not fair.

We have an appointment this week where they should be able to give us a timescale. Dreading it but I need to be able to mentally prepare.