Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

My dad did have calcium issues, I requested his medical records and his levels at the end weren't right

Pressed send too soon!
I'm finding things a little more bearable I'm not sobbing at every thought of him. It will be 12 weeks next week and it seems so long ago. I asked for all my Dads
Records as over the last year he had numerous scans, blood tests for other unrelated things and I do not believe there was no evidence of any cancer then. I cannot get my head around how someone can pass away only 3 weeks after diagnosis.

As @Badger1970 said do not be afraid of the hospice. They did wonders for my Dad in his last few days. The staff were incredibly supportive and they made what was becoming an awful time for us more bearable. My Dad also got treat with such dignity and respect. I can never thank them enough for making his passing gentle for him and not traumatic.

I'm glad things are a bit easier @Bluemat. I'm very sorry you are having to join this sad thread @fancynancy123.
Feeling very down tonight, my mum had a very sad visit with my dad today, he was slightly more alert but is very emotional and adamant that he doesn't want to go on any longer.
He's 75 and I feel angry when I see sprightly 80 year olds walking around. Which is silly, I know.
We're not afraid of him going into a hospice, I know what good places they are, I'm just afraid of how much longer he (and us) might have to suffer.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I'm so sorry you're so sad. I haven't quite read through the full thread yet, I started but it got me in to a bit of a panic if I'm honest so I've had to stop for a bit.

I totally get what you mean by feeling angry seeing healthy older people though. My dad is 70, and I was watching the coronation earlier thinking how unfair it was that King Charles is well enough at 75 to become our king!

@fancynancy123 well, it sounds like there is every chance that your dad can be successfully treated and go on for many more years, so stay positive

Thank you.

I hope your Dad has a more peaceful day today, and any visits are less distressing.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream so sorry to hear your update about your dad, hopefully they can stabilise him so that he’s not in distress.

@fancynancy123 - it must be so frustrating for you and your father. We’re a couple of months down the line with my dad, in the middle of chemo pre-surgery for bowel cancer. We’ve found out that lots of niggly symptoms ( hip pain, cough etc) that had been investigated have gone with the chemo, so were probably cancer related. He’s stage 4, so an earlier diagnosis would have made a big difference. I hope your dad’s is limited to just the polyp and it can be successfully treated, it seems likely that they’d have seen anything bigger during his previous surgery/investigations.

Thanks @cathyandclare, after my dads previous surgery he was left with abdominal discomfort and unusual bowel habits after the stoma reversal and the previous resection. So it's hard to know if he has any other symptoms.

After his last surgery the consultant said he was very reluctant to operate on him again because his body did not cope well with surgery. So I'm just keeping everything crossed that there is something they can do for him that isn't too risky.

@cathyandclare I forgot to say that I also hope your dad is doing well on his treatment. X

My dad died this morning. He deteriorated yesterday and was no longer lucid at all and needed oxygen. A doctor was bleeped as it was Sunday and we waited 2 hours for him to arrive. My dad was really agitated and kept trying to get out of bed and uncover himself, really distressing for us to witness, but at least we knew he was no longer really aware or suffering.
When the doctor arrived he agreed to transfer him immediately to end of life care only and start him on sedatives/morphine, which frustratingly we still had to wait over an hour to be set up.
When he was given the Midazolam it did seem to knock him out straight away. When we left for the night the night nurse promised to call if his condition deteriorated but I think he probably just slipped away quietly in between nurse checks in the early hours/ early this morning.
My Mum is upset she wasn't there at the end but I'm just numb and relieved it's over the moment.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I'm so sorry for your loss. Xx

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I'm so very sorry.

So very sorry for your loss @InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I'm so sorry for your loss x

Thanks all xx

It's really common to just feel numb. It was the weirdest feeling to come home and think that's it, it's over when your sole focus for weeks/months was your Dad.

Look after yourself for the next few days and drink lots even if you can't eat

Is it normal to start to feel irrationally angry with the other parent when one dies??
My mum hasn't really coped that well with the stress ever since my dad's diagnosis, despite them never having had a very good marriage. I've had to take on a disproportionate amount of the arrangements and running around, and my mum has also been very irritable with my dad and not very good at all at dealing with him. Now that he has died she is incredibly upset, blaming hospital staff for not checking on him often enough (they did), pretty much going to pieces saying she was hoping he would get better (?) and acting like she can't live without him.
I know this is very early days and I sound incredibly unsympathetic, but this is a rational, sensible, 69 year old whose husband had terminal cancer. I was really hoping she would be brave and strong for us, now I just feel I have to move straight from looking after my dad to looking after her, and quite frankly, I can't.
Am I being a complete cow?

Not at all. I chat to someone whose Dad died 2 years ago and she feels that she's never been allowed to grieve for him properly because it's all been about her Mum's loss and how she's not coping. I felt incredibly sorry for her - they had to arrange everything in the first months, help her move and she's very demanding on her time. She says it was as if she'd lost her Mum as well because all the help and support she used to get with her DC just disappeared too.

You're allowed to grieve for your loss as well as support your Mum see if she has other family/friends that can help out and be company for her so you get some time and space for you to process it as well.

My dad has his colonoscopy this morning. Does anyone know how much he's likely to be told from this?
They've said they will look at biopsies/Ct scan/colonoscopy results all together at a meeting, but surely they wouldn't just send him off with a report if they were to find anything awful?

My dad was told they thought he had cancer at his colonoscopy, then it took over a week to get more details and have it confirmed. Then they arranged CT, MRI etc. It was always more than a week to get investigation results because of the wait for the weekly multidisciplinary meeting.

Thinking of you and your Dad today, I hope it goes ok.

He has already had his CT scan last Sunday. It just seems so cruel to give that news and then send people on their way with no other info

So the colonoscopy didn't reveal anything More thank goodness. The consultant today said this 'mass' needs to come out definitely, but they don't yet have the results of the biopsies or CT.
It is apparently in a good place, and in a normal person it would be a straightforward op, but dads history makes it more complicated. Hoping I'll be able to make the appointment when it comes through to discuss directly with the consultant.

We still don't know anything. We finally have an appointment cor the 1st June. The wait feels so so long.

Can I join? Had my mums small cell lung cancer confirmed today and I'm struggling. She's the only parent I have left and I work in Education so feel like I can't be around as much as I should. She's handling it well atm but know treatment will be really difficult for her and feel guilty.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mums diagnosis. I don't know much about it. What is the plan for her?