Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Ach, that's hard @Cocolapew Agree it's way worse when it's your own parent. My mum could just manage to get pulled up & at least had her arms in the right place to help with balance on the steady & it was great for just a couple of weeks but harder as the day went on & energy dwindled. It sounds like perhaps your dad might be better in the bed though, or did they mention the option of a hoist if you thought it was suitable? It's a difficult adjustment for everyone introducing anything new. It got to the stage where we couldn't take the risk anymore as we're worried about falls & her ending up in hospital without us.

How is everyone today?
Dad has completely lost any lucid moments, he's totally confused, he just lies in bed talking to invisible people and singing.
The bed is coming tomorrow.
Thinking of you all

Really sorry to hear that @Cocolapew, it is so hard. My father became incoherent and delirious in his last couple of days, I think because of the morphine he was on - he died of a very sudden and aggressive lymphoma. I wished so much now that I had asked more questions at the time about what was happening, it felt chaotic and confused and as if nobody had a clue what was going on.
Hope you can get some good support from medical staff

Thank you @LarkRize, I'm sory for your loss, we're not sure if its the infection or the disease has spread to the brain. He's on a low dose of morphine so I don't think its that unless he's got morphine toxicity.
I can't fault the support from everyone concerned with his care, it's really been marvellous. I know we've been lucky in that respect.
I did get a laugh today. I went in to see him and he had the covers off. I asked him if he was too hot and he said no too cold. So I pulled them back up and relaised he had lifted my mums nightie of her pillow and had put it on 🤦.
I'm hoping he's near the end, I'm finding this deterioration so very hard. My heart goes out to anyone looking after a parent or partner with dementia. At least we know this will end.

Glad to find this thread. My dad has advanced prostate cancer that has spread. Only a couple of months ago he was still going to work, now he's mostly in bed, not really eating or drinking, it's so sad to see, and he's declining every week. I'm not sure how long he has, but I don't really want to ask either. 🙁 it's sort of reassuring to read everyone's posts and understand this is a normal, but awful, process of decline.

@Cocolapew sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad you're able to find a smidgen of humour through this though. It's so hard-feels like my parents consistently happy & positive house has been turned upside down.

Mum seems to have come round a bit again - she's on antibiotics for a kidney infection. Wish I hadn't bothered telling my mindee's parents that I thought she was near the end as they keep checking in now & what the hell do I know?!

Preacher brother seems keen to have someone on the phone praying with her. I'm concerned I will end up biting my tongue in half but keep taking deep breaths!

I installed a bird table & feeding station just outside her room last week. Although she can't really see anymore, I thought it would be a nice distraction for dad & any of us sitting with her. Of course no bloody birds came for ages & thought it was a lost cause but then my dad said last night that there were some visitors yesterday. Well this morning there was loads-a great variety & they were close to the window & it was really nice to see them & have something to talk about! Small mercies & all that.

That is a lovely idea to put up a bird feeder, buckeejit. I sympathise about the preacher brother - again harking back to when my father was terminally ill, people were constantly turning up to pray with/at him. He may well have found it comforting - I hope so - but it set my teeth on edge, and I too did a lot of biting of my tongue!

Update: MIL's scan went ahead, and then there was a little wait before a F2F appointment for results. And no malignancies were found

Yes, there's going to be other investigations to try to work out what is going on, but cancer has been ruled out.

So I shall wave you all 'goodbye', with huge gratitude for the kind words earlier in the thread. Thank you

That's good news @Ethleswith, I hope they get to the bottom of what's causing the problems soon

Dad had a driver put in this morning and we were told he has only a few days left.
I'm going to stay with mum but I'm really scared because I've never seen a dead body before.
The nurses are trying to get a MacMillan nurse who will sit with him through the night.
Hoping everyone has a peaceful weekend x

We just lost dm a couple of weeks ago to lung cancer and DF is in hospital with leukaemia having treatment - he refused to have us go to his appointment with him so we don't really know what his prognosis is. I'm scared that he's keeping it from us after what's happened to dm. I feel guilty that I'm not grieving - my focus is all on my df at the moment.

@Ethelswith that's great news, what a relief. Hope you get to the root of the problem soon

@Cocolapew I'm so sorry-hopefully the driver keeps his pain under control. There's nothing frightening about a dead body-the thought of it is worse. My granny who lived with us, died when I was at primary school. Her body was in the house-in her bedroom & I was asked if I wanted to see her after she died. I said no thanks but was curious so got up out of my bed in the middle of the night to go look by myself & shook her & poked her a bit. I know how awful that sounds but I was just a curious child. It didn't leave any lasting impression on me - apart from maybe how odd I was.

@tranquillitybase don't feel guilty-grief isn't linear so the grieving will come. You've just been launched into another stressful situation so have had to postpone most of grieving for your dm. Hope things go ok for your dad

Millshake. Really sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you're all doing okay, or as okay as you can be in these circumstances.

Hello to the new people who've joined the thread. Sorry that you have to be here too.

Cocolapew and buckeejit, I hope you're both bearing up.

Between the lack of fuel and a covid scare, I've not seen my mum for a little while. It's silly but I always get nervous just before I see her. I think I'm scared she'll be really noticeably changed and in a bad way. At some point, I suppose that's going to happen. I just hope it's not yet.

@tranquillitybase

We just lost dm a couple of weeks ago to lung cancer and DF is in hospital with leukaemia having treatment - he refused to have us go to his appointment with him so we don't really know what his prognosis is. I'm scared that he's keeping it from us after what's happened to dm. I feel guilty that I'm not grieving - my focus is all on my df at the moment.

I'm sorry you lost your mum also. My mum also had lung cancer. She then caught Covid. And your dad is unwell. That's hard. Hugs to you xx

@Fhortu

Millshake. Really sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you're all doing okay, or as okay as you can be in these circumstances.

Hello to the new people who've joined the thread. Sorry that you have to be here too.

Cocolapew and buckeejit, I hope you're both bearing up.

Between the lack of fuel and a covid scare, I've not seen my mum for a little while. It's silly but I always get nervous just before I see her. I think I'm scared she'll be really noticeably changed and in a bad way. At some point, I suppose that's going to happen. I just hope it's not yet.

Absolutely heartbroken 💔

He's doing ok the last couple of days - whatever the important blood count is, it's rising daily which means he should be out of hospital soon. He will only be out for about ten days then has to go in for round two.

Dad is still clinging on, I'm not sure whats keeping him alive. I've been staying here since Friday and my brother arrived yesterday until Sunday evening.
He had a surge of energy yesterday so I'm hoping he will go soon, he's just existing now and its horrible. He's in terrible pain. I'm heartbroken watching it.

I lost my mum last night. She was only diagnosed 7 weeks ago.

@Cocolapew my mum had her burst of energy on Saturday and I completely empathise with how you’re feeling.

Love to you all.

@Winterfairy23 I'm so sorry. Hugs to you ❤️

I'm so sorry @Winterfairy23 ❤️

Dads meds in his driver has been significantly increased so I hope he is able to sleep away peacefully.
Thinking of you all

Winterfairy, I'm so sorry. 7 weeks is so shockingly quick. I'm thinking of you

@Winterfairy23 so sorry for your sad news. Sending love

Dad died early this morning.
Thank you for all your support, I'll be thinking of you all ❤️

Oh @Cocolapew I’m so sorry. Sending you lots of love