Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

A thread I didn’t want to join. My kind and lovely mum has been diagnosed with bowel cancer which unfortunately has spread. Waiting to hear about chemo and next steps. I’m in the randomly bursting into tears stage.
I don’t live nearby, although I’m home at the moment, and struggling with the thought of not being close.
It just doesn’t feel real.

@PeachTea1 I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Everyone's experience is so different. Sadly cancer has taken some quickly. For me my dad is still with us. We were told last summer he had lung cancer and a brain tumor. The brain tumor was removed and he had 3 lots of chemo. They have stopped that now and he is palliative but is home up and about and at the moment doing ok. I know the next few months he will be needing a lot more care but we are so thankful for each day. Look after yourself. Take time off work if you have too and be with your mum. She needs you to be strong. I found being practical helped and ensure all affairs were in order etc.

@PeachTea1 So sorry to read of your news.
Take time to be with your mum and take care of yourself.
My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in the summer of last year and passed away in January.
It will feel surreal. You will have a lot of information so the being practical as unicornsarereal72 suggested might help.
Love to you and your family.

@PeachTea1 So sorry to read of your news.
Take time to be with your mum and take care of yourself.
My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in the summer of last year and passed away in January.
It will feel surreal. You will have a lot of information so the being practical as unicornsarereal72 suggested might help.
Love to you and your family.

Thanks both. Surreal is the right word, I look at her and she looks well!
Treatment plan pending, keeping everything crossed. My work are amazing so hoping to spend more time at my parents but also aware I need some form of “normal” and need to adapt? I think once we know next steps I’ll be able to formulate my plan - keen to be practical and positive.
Thank you for sharing your stories, I’m sorry that we’re all hanging out on this thread.

Mind if I join? My 75 yr old dad suddenly became really unwell several weeks ago and has been diagnosed with advanced liver cancer, he has deteriorated really quickly. He is barely eating and we are still waiting for full biopsy results. Seems doubtful any treatment will be offered and I wouldn't be surprised if he only has weeks to live. I am slightly past the 'keep bursting into tears' stage but it still all feels surreal.
Had to tell my 14 year old that her grandad is dying yesterday.
It's shit.

Hugs to you @InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream.
Shit is the right word.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream my Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer last September and he died in January. I won't lie, it was brutal on him and I'd really encourage you to be as pro-active as possible in getting good palliative care support on board. The system isn't easy to navigate, and there are gaping cracks that are all too easy to fall through.

He stopped eating quite early on, his mobility also went very quickly. The British Liver Trust is a good source of information. livercanceruk.org/ I'm so sorry for you to be in this place, it's a dark one

Thank you both. @Badger1970 I'm so sorry for what you and your Dad went through and what you're going through now @PeachTea1 .

Feeling grim today. Had lunch at my mum and dads today for mother's day. Didn't see my dad as he hasn't been out of bed for the last few days. My mum said he hasn't eaten all day and is now refusing most of the Ensure drinks. My mum isn't really coping with the stress very well and I don't think he's quite getting the level of care he should be, and I can hardly heap more on my poor mum by criticizing her.
She asked the CNS nurse on the phone last week if he can be referred to palliative care and she uhmmed and ahhed because the full biopsy results aren't back yet, but said she'd speak to them, but my mum hasn't heard anything.
I might call Macmillan direct myself in the morning. I'm not even sure how my dad's coping with washing/ even if he is washing etc. My mum really isn't the best at that sort of care and I don't feel I can really pry and ask all the ins and outs.
Ugh it's all such a mess.

Could I join please? My step dad was diagnosed with bowl cancer in 2018, had an op to remove it but was told it had spread slightly to other parts but there were only tiny bits dotted around and not to worry too much as it was very slow growing. He was doing well on monthly injections but now he has been told the cancer has grown, he's becoming weaker and is now suffering form back pain & can hardly eat much, I'm terrified this is the beginning of the end.

If this helps, my Dad declined so quickly that in desperation, I rang the Oncology department to chase along the palliative care referral. I got the nicest receptionist, burst into tears and within 2 days, we'd got the palliative support nurse on board and she'd visited Dad.

You need to be really proactive to get support on board, much more so than I'd ever have imagined. If he has a good GP, get in touch with them too and ask for help even if it's via the nursing team. I can't tell you how many hours I spent on the phone chasing help. It's a thankless but sadly unavoidable task.

Thanks @Badger1970, I was afraid you'd say something like that

Sending you all lots of love and strengthen. This is the part of life we really don't want to face. I hate it. And I know how fortunate I am my dad is still plodding along. I know what's to come. I don't want it to happen at all but the limbo is painful.

Call your gp. Oncology. Palliative team. And hospice for help until something happens @InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream your dad needs a package of care. Some one to do personal care tasks. He made need a hospital bed to prevent sores etc. your mum is dealing with her own grief and needs other people to do some of the practical things. That person is not you. There are professionals to do that. I would spend sometime making sure practical things are in Order. Does your mum know how to pay the bills. Log in details etc ( we discovered in a panic my dads wife had no idea of any of these things). So we now have a file with everything in so we all know where the information is. It's a good distraction and will help further down the road.

Thank you @unicornsarereal72. I rang the Macmillan support line today who said his GP should be reassessing him based on my description of his symptoms. I phoned the GP and asked them to call my mum. They did, and recommended my dad be admitted to hospital for symptom control as he is not eating and is now not drinking enough. We are now waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream my Dad had a few masssive dips like this, and in fact when he went into the hospice, they said he was close to dying from malnutrition. Once he'd got the right medication he was able to start taking fluid in, and improved dramatically.

The liver plays all sorts of nasty tricks... it goes rigid and pushes into the stomach making it really hard to eat/drink due to the nausea and feeling full sensation. I hope that his symptoms can be improved, thinking of you

@Purpledaisies4 how are things with you? I'm sorry to hear that your stepdad is so poorly.

@Badger1970 thanks for asking. All OK thanks, will be seeing my step dad tomorrow, we'll go out somewhere for the morning, he gets tired quicker now so he will go home and lie down for a few hours after.
The only person I've ever lost really close to me was my nan 18 years ago, she was 92 & died of old age, no long drawn out illness so this is all a bit new to me. Hope your well x

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream glad to hear your dad is in the right place. I hope they can get thing stable for him and back home with the right support in place for you all

Thanks @unicornsarereal72 and @Badger1970 .
Well that was a fun evening-not. The ambulance took 4 hours to arrive which was stressful as we had got my dad out of bed and downstairs and he was feeling really uncomfortable sitting in the chair, and as it didn't arrive till 10pm all he wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep so was being moody and difficult.
When the crew arrived they found his systolic BP was 67 (!!) which is dangerously low and they couldn't transport him in that condition and didn't have the kit to give him IV fluids so we had to wait for another crew to do that. The paramedics were fab as ever though.
In hospital they reported that they were still struggling to raise his BP and suspect he has an infection or even sepsis so have started IV antibiotics. Didn't get to sleep till 3.45am and have to work today.
And my poor mum started having random stomach gripes in the ambulance with my dad and had 5 episodes of the runs while he was resus.
Let's see what delights today brings shall we?

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream if you can stay off work for a few days I would. I know not everyone can but you don't need that in top of everything else. Your poor mum obviously stressed. Fab your dad is now getting the treatment he needs. Fingers crossed a plan comes together over the next few days. Please look after yourself. X

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream oh gosh what an ordeal for you all. I hope things are calmer this afternoon - try to get your Mum (and yourself) to rest while your Dad is being looked after.

Haven't been on here for a while but mum's chemo didn't work and the cancer is growing in her brain by the day. I'm going up to stay for a week as I don't live nearby, it's likely mum has a matter of weeks if that. I always thought there'd be some other treatment option but I guess sometimes the cancer is just too strong. It terrifies me that any of us could get it at any time, it's all so random

@Cantaloupeisland so sorry to hear that your mum is struggling. I hope you can take all the time you can to be with her now xx

I just wanted to send love to all who are still posting here.

It's one month tomorrow since my dad passed away and I think it's only now that it's hitting me properly. My heart aches for him and all the stress he went through in his last weeks, I just want my Dad.