Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Sorry you are struggling @Bluemat . I read all your posts with great sadness and your dad's situation sounded very similar to my dad's current one.
My dad's had two nights in hospital now getting fluids and antibiotics and has picked up a bit. Not much. His BP is still low and kidneys still struggling. He had a second CT yesterday and the final biopsy results are now in, so the doctor was able to tell us that his primary cancer is actually pancreas/bile duct, spread to liver and lungs. He will now be referred immediately to palliative care. He just wants to go home to die. Sounds quite simple but I know it won't be

@bluemat it's truly horrible. I can't even look at photos of Dad still, it's too hard.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I'm so sorry, that's an awful diagnosis for your poor Dad. Don't accept him coming home without a full care package including nursing staff... community care can be incredibly hit and miss. If you have a local hospice, ask for a referral to them too. It's a much nicer environment than hospital and you've got medical staff on hand.

I so sorry, I found out after Dad had gone he text someone to say it was pancreatic even though we were of the belief it was lung with liver secondaries. I think he was told things he never told us.

I send you all my love everything my dad went through is fresh in my head and I can't bear to think of anyone else being in that same boat .

I have photos of Dad everywhere and have something of his on me wherever I go. I just can't accept he's gone and not here anymore I have so much I need to tell him. He was just taken away from us all so suddenly, no one gave us any time frame it was so sudden. I wish I could have spent his last weeks loving him and caring for him instead of fighting a battle he was never going to win.

Hi, I dropped off this thread ages ago, think I was even using a different username. Might join back though. Got yet more bad news about DM from a recent scan. Been doing some research and it seems the 5 yr survival rate now is around 20 per cent. Just don't even know what to do with all this information. I feel like I've started grieving already and it could still be years yet. I'm devastated for my kids especially.

@WeightoftheWorld try to just go day by day

We have had the palliative nurse in today after dad coping well for the past 8 month we are now looking at hospice care or hospice at home. I knew it was coming but still so upsetting to hear.

I'm sorry for all of you going through this. Sitting here next to my poor DDad waiting... I've spent the last 2 years knowing this was coming and now it's finally here. I hope he goes soon. Love him so much but his life has been a misery for some time now and just want him to be free of it.

How is everyone?
My dad has improved a bit (temporarily) in hospital. They've decided he has has an infection/sepsis so is staying on IV antibiotics for a couple more days and he kidney function is now improving and he feels a bit better.
The palliative team have been round and confirmed that a) he will qualify for the highest level of home palliative care and will get hospital bed and equipment at home and up to 4 Macmillan nurse visits a day if needed. And
b) as they feel his cancer is cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct) in origin it is very aggressive and I don't think they feel he will live very long. Which, although awful, and it's indescribable seeing him waste away before our very eyes, might be a blessing, although judging by the previous posters I know full well how this is going to go. I can only hope he can die peacefully.

I'm sorry for everyone going through this ordeal of watching your parent end their days in such a cruel way. I'm not sure there is much in the way of peace the other side, but there is the huge relief that comes with seeing their pain end.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream that sounds amazing in terms of support for your Dad. And I'm glad he's improved a little, even if temporary.

DMum has stage 4 lung cancer. She had treatment last year only to find it has spread to her to her ribs and is now having chemo for that. Saw her today and she looks awful, she struggled to walk even a few steps.

How do I know when the end is near? I want to be with her

DMum has stage 4 lung cancer. She had treatment last year only to find it has spread to her to her ribs and is now having chemo for that. Saw her today and she looks awful, she struggled to walk

How do I know when the end is near? I want to be with her

DMum has stage 4 lung cancer. She had treatment last year only to find it has spread to her to her ribs and is now having chemo for that. Saw her today and she looks awful, she struggled to walk

How do I know when the end is near? I want to be with her

DMum has stage 4 lung cancer. She had treatment last year only to find it has spread to her to her ribs and is now having chemo for that. Saw her today and she looks awful, she struggled to walk

How do I know when the end is near? I want to be with her.

DMum has stage 4 lung cancer. She had treatment last year only to find it has spread to her to her ribs and is now having chemo for that. Saw her today and she looks awful, she struggled to walk. How do I know when the end is near? I want to be with her.

@sandwiches77 you will know. They will be able to do less and less have no appetite sleep day/night become confused. And maybe in need of pain relief. My dad had his diagnosis last summer. He too has stage 4 lung cancer and a brain tumour. The tumour was removed. And he slowly been able to do less and less. We are now being referred to the local hospice for support at home and they will take him when he is 'actively' dying. For some it happens quickly. My dad has slowly been able to do less over the past 9 months

I'm back with mum, she's in bed all day and is having regular care visits. She's able to talk sometimes but other times seems quite muddled and confused, it's horrible to see her like this. I don't know when the end will come but I imagine it'll be weeks. I can't stay here long term as I live hours away so it's really difficult. I'm getting married later this year and knowing she won't be there breaks my heart

How's everyone doing today?
My dad has been discharged home now, but not under palliative care as I thought, but under fast-track continuing healthcare. They got him a hospital bed and commode sorted before he was discharged and have now rung my mum to say he will be getting two care visits a day (I think this is all he needs at the moment) and a free lifeline pendant/alarm thingy. He did pick up quite a bit once they got the infection sorted and is now eating and drinking well and is able to get himself up to use the commode etc. I'm not really sure why it's CHC rather than palliative care, I suppose he's not necessarily actually 'dying' at this moment in time.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream chc will do an assessment of your dads needs and arrange the care going forward. The palliative services is a clinical services from the hospital they will give advice about his clinical needs. Chc will do a holistic assessment and provide the care and support he needs at home. Good to hear he has picked up and got home. Hopefully things will fall into place and you get the help he needs to be comfortable

Thanks for that explanation @unicornsarereal72 👍

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream CHC funding is a great bonus as it means you're on the fast track level of financing, and usually that's for palliative cases. Means that any applications ie equipment and care don't get bogged down in approval. It really helped with my Dad especially when he went into the hospice/nursing home.

Palliative care is a healthcare service, and they can be a bit slow getting off the ground due to number of referrals but once in place, are a godsend.

Thanks @Badger1970 . I know the NHS gets a bad press and is horribly underfunded by the bastard tories (apologies to any Tory voters) and we've had to do a bit of chasing around, but I thank my lucky stars every day for our wonderful NHS.

Oh, and for anyone that needs a little light relief- my dad decided to use the commode in the living room yesterday with the curtains open while my mum was out. Unfortunately a delivery man knocked on the door, and when he didn't receive a reply, decided to pop along and knock on the living room window, would you believe, and received the rather nasty shock of seeing a skeletal 75 year old half naked man sitting on a commode angrily waving him away. 😣
When my mum and sister arrived back a few minutes later the tale had them howling with laughter so there is some light in the darkness.

OMG... your poor Dad 😂

A half good, half depressing update.
My dad has now been home from hospital for about 5 days and is doing quite well, no sign of infection returning, eating and drinking well, mobilising, chatting, talking of being bored. No carers coming in yet, my mum is still waiting on a letter confirming the arrangements.
The depressing part is the palliative care registrar warned my mum that the CT scan he had in hospital showed that the cancer is now in his pancreas as well- the CT from 4 weeks ago showed no sign of it in the pancreas, now its taking up more than 50% of his liver and is showing in the pancreas (as well as being cholangiocarcinoma in origin) so they have warned it is obviously very aggressive so basically not to expect him to remain well for very long, which is extremely sobering.
So we are finding it a bit difficult to be cheery at the moment.

My Dad's liver cancer was incredibly quick to progress, although honestly I don't think I could have bared to see him struggling for months more with it than he did. I think you just have to make the most of every good moment, because truthfully they get fewer. I will never forget one lovely afternoon sat quietly with Dad and he asked me to find some sport on the TV - there was horse racing on and he was trying to get me to download a betting app on my phone! Then he told me to ring DD's BF as he knew he had one. We sat for nearly 2 hours just watching the horses and Dad remembering the ones we'd had in the past. This was about 2 weeks before he died, and is my last good memory of him before his liver completely failed and he lost all ability to communicate with us.

There can be good moments in among the horror