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Original poster

Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

974 replies

Fhortu · 25/08/2021 13:50

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 29/11/2022 13:30

Hospital bed is now in, and we've set a TV up for him. He's now getting 4 care visits a day, 2 carers per time as he's more or less unable to mobilise and his liver is like a rock inside his tummy. Palliative care have said weeks now at most Sad GP came yesterday and was as much help as a chocolate teapot.

And my sister is continuing to try and force feed him Complan and greek yogurt as it's the not eating making him weak apparently ... nothing to do with the cancer and the fact his liver is pushing into his stomach. I've taken lots of deep breaths and counted to 10 this weekend. I'd honestly be insane if it was for the PC nurse keeping me going.

unicornsarereal72 · 30/11/2022 15:13

@Badger1970 what a truly difficult time for you and your family. Send you lots of love and strength. Just go day by day is all you can do. Make sure you rest and eat too. Do you have some support either through the hospice or cancer team?

Badger1970 · 30/11/2022 19:11

@unicornsarereal72 thank you. No hospice support as Dad falls into a black boundary hole between two.

I'm having a night at home tonight, and will be in bed very early.

stravagante · 30/11/2022 22:31

@Badger1970 that is so tough. Your poor dad. I know I am a stranger but I am thinking of you.

unicornsarereal72 · 01/12/2022 06:04

@Badger1970 hope you had a restful night. Just know you are doing all you can and I am sure it is appreciated.

Badger1970 · 03/12/2022 18:56

Dad went into a hospice today. It was a horrific journey for him, as it took an hour and he was really distressed when he got there, but they were just amazing. I stayed for 6 hours to settle him and then they sent me home! Said I need the rest as much as Dad does.

It wasn't what Dad wanted but it is what he needs. I rang palliative care on Friday morning and said he's not safe at home. My sister isn't happy about any of it, but Dad's safety comes before everything else. I feel so strange sitting here tonight. I'm equally relieved and heartbroken I think.

unicornsarereal72 · 03/12/2022 20:11

Sending you lots of loves d hugs you have done the right thing he will be looked after there and be comfortable. I am sure you can come and go as you wish. And you can sleep a little better knowing he is in good hands

ButnotforLola · 03/12/2022 22:43

@Badger1970 I'm thinking of you and your family. I hope your dad is comfortable. You are doing all you can.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 05/12/2022 13:10

@Badger1970 I volunteer in a hospice and can hand on heart say I'm sure your dad will soon feel more comfortable and safer for being there. They are the most marvellous places and he will get the care he needs. Just as importantly, you will get the support you need. Flowers

Badger1970 · 06/12/2022 21:32

Thank you. It's been a rough few days but finally Dad has been started on some new medications, and he's much much calmer and settled in. Still trying to talk to a Doctor to see if they can give us any indication of time scales they're expecting... it would be nice to know if it's days or weeks so we can plan Christmas a little better.

Haven't put any decorations up - it just feels wrong somehow. But I know I should for the grandchildren if not myself. Feeling horribly weepy and prone to bursting into tears at inappropriate moments. What a rollercoaster.

unicornsarereal72 · 07/12/2022 07:15

So pleased to hear your dad is more settled. I hope you are taking some time for yourself. Do get support from the hospice staff and your GP. I'm currently signed off work (I also work in palliative care). As I just need some time to rest.

Badger1970 · 07/12/2022 09:27

DH and I our run our own business so time off is an impossibillity. It's our busiest time of year and there's literally no one to cover me. The only advantage to Dad being in the hospice is that it's in the town where we work, so visiting is really easy. I spent nearly 2 hours there at lunchtime yesterday and that then allows my sister to visit in the early evenings. Thankfully we've made the decision to close the business down over Christmas and New Year which means we've got 2 weeks off. I'm hoping that Dad may (?) still be here then so I can spend lots of time with him but I'm not so sure he will be. The old bugger has always been as awkward as possible Grin

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 07/12/2022 11:06

Oh @Badger1970, nothing to add except you're in my thoughts.

Badger1970 · 08/12/2022 15:32

So Dad is having the last laugh. He's still not eating but is having sips of water/Fortesips and they've got him on Gabapentin to control his itching, Haloperidol for confusion/agitation, and Morphine patches for pain as well as top ups of Oramorph when needed. He still can't stand, can't toilet, and has no ability to self care whatsoever.

And they want to discharge him. I'm in bits.

unicornsarereal72 · 08/12/2022 18:37

Oh @Badger1970 time to stand firm. If he is coming home what does the package of care look like. Over nights is a must. Thinking of you all x

Badger1970 · 08/12/2022 21:31

I've refused for him to come home. I'm not having that worry 24.7 as he's just not safe. The Dr I spoke to agreed, and said their plan was a "high needs" nursing home that would take Dad's funding. I think they're going to have to sedate him to get him back in another ambulance Sad

unicornsarereal72 · 09/12/2022 07:14

@Badger1970 I'm so sorry this is all you need right now. It is good the doctors agrees returning home isn't suitable.

unicornsarereal72 · 10/12/2022 08:04

@Badger1970 how's things. I have been thinking of you x

Badger1970 · 10/12/2022 10:13

@unicornsarereal72 thank you. I had contact from the family support co-ordinator at the hospice yesterday, and have a meeting with them on Monday. She took great pains to reassure me that we will be fully involved in the process of finding Dad a nursing home and things may take a while to put into place. They have several homes in the area that they work closely with, and Dad will remain under the medical team at the hospice which is reassuring. Poor Dad managed to eat some solid food yesterday for the 1st time in 6 weeks, and then ended up having an explosive bowel but in some ways, it's a blessing as they haven't seen Dad with this so far and they felt it was under control.... He was exhausted after, and ended up in bed for the rest of the day.

mimosa1 · 19/12/2022 17:37

Hello all,

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post. I'm looking for some advice about my DF who has been diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus. He's fortunate to have private health insurance and could be treated in London at the Cromwell or the Marsden. If anyone has any experience they could share, I'd be so grateful.

I'm torn between the Cromwell who have all the comforts of a private hospital and will send a car to and from the radiation, especially given my dad lives alone, vs the Marden which has a great reputation. It's complicated by the fact that the Marsden seemingly wants to treat more aggressively though we are still waiting for test results to see what exactly the treatment plan will be.

We would be going through the private pathway at the Marsden if that makes any difference (it doesn't as far as I can tell).

Thank you,

Badger1970 · 19/12/2022 18:28

@mimosa1 I'm sorry about your Dad. I don't have any knowledge of these hospitals, but can share the pain of a Dad with cancer.

It's a horrible journey for everyone Flowers

mimosa1 · 19/12/2022 19:28

Thanks, @Badger1970 - I appreciate the kind words. It's awful waiting to get treatment started when he's had trouble swallowing for months and we've known for a few weeks it's cancer now but all the tests and logistics over the holiday to get treatment going is awful.

AnxietyLevelMax · 19/12/2022 23:48

My dad has an appointment tomorrow. Year ago, just before Christmas we found out about terminal cancer. Few chemos etc and three months ago he got some good news, it wasn’t spreading at a time so break from treatment. I am so so scared. He is changing so much, looks 20 years older, moves like 20 years older person, very slim, but he was keep going. Its a terminal, rare cancer, bad news are coming sooner than later. My 2 year old boy loves him so much, never wants to talk to anyone or be around anyone but my dad…it’s heartbreaking. Please pray for him

unicornsarereal72 · 20/12/2022 08:27

Thinking of you all at the difficult time. I hope Christmas can bring a small bit of joy to everyone. Cancer sucks. Seeing the ones we love slowly slip away is sad but I try to remember I'm fortunate to have this time with my dad and just be with him.

ButnotforLola · 28/12/2022 20:53

Hello everyone,

I've not been on for a while but have been trying to keep up with you all. You're all in my thoughts.

Dad had his radiotherapy and was really ill afterwards. Thankfully I had a week off work so I was able to take him up the hospital as he needed to go on a drip and steroids.

He then seemed to turn a corner and was due to have his scheduled treatment on Christmas Eve. He usually feels ok for a day or two so he would come to us for Christmas Day like normal. He's been coming for lunch for 20 years so it's part of the routine.
Sadly, he had infection markers in his blood tests so they wouldn't do it which is understandable.
He was then so poorly and still is.
Hospital says today that he doesn't have infection so we are a bit confused.

Encouraging him to speak to his named nurse tomorrow as he just seems to have worsened so much.

A lot to take in at the moment. Love to all.