Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Sorry everyone going through this. 💐💐

I can’t believe my dad died 3 months ago. The last year has been awful but I’m so relieved that he’s no longer suffering.

I too remember the crying in the car & pulling myself together just as I reached home.

@Badger1970 we were given a palliative night sitter towards the end, is that an maybe an option if your dad doesn’t want to go in a hospice?

Can I just say how much I've appreciated the wisdom and perspective on this thread. I've just read it through it.

My Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer today. He's only 73 but he had a major stroke in Jan 2020 which left him with aphasia and right sided weakness.

He was a heavy smoker for years as well. But I'm just so gutted for him and my Mum. I feel a bit useless.

@stravagante it's such a shock isn't it? My mum is still having palliative chemo for her mesothelioma, but definitely deteriorating. I am now in shock from a totally unexpected diagnosis of incurable blood cancer in my gorgeous husband. By the end of next week of tests/scans we will have a clear picture of stage and spread. Don't actually know how much more I can bear.

@DwightShrutesgirlfriend oh what a shock for you. I'm so sorry.

We knew there was bad news coming but I hadn't thought it would be quite so bad.

I will be going up to see him at the weekend. He's alone in hospital tonight and I can't call him because he can't use his phone very well. Mum and hopefully my brother will go and see him tomorrow as well.

@DwightShrutesgirlfriend I'm so sorry, that's horrific. It's hard enough watching a parent go through this, let alone your husband.

We've had a hallelujah moment this week, after Dad's had another week of awful symptoms. He's agreed to the hospice respite stay for symptom management, and the amazing amazing palliative care nurse has managed to get Dad a care package for 2 visits a day (morning and evening) so he can have a really good wash twice a day (the sweating and itching is really getting him down). He's been surprisingly accepting of it all (I think he feels a lot poorlier than he's showing us). My sister had the audacity to say that she didn't think he needed it and she was worried about him having so many people in the house due to Covid... to which I exploded and said catching Covid would be a kindness if it hastened his journey through this horror still taking lots of deep breaths.....

@Badger1970 that is great your dad has agreed to some respite and some help. I'm sure your sister comment came from a good place. I'm from a large family and I'm sure we have all said stupid things at some point. Hope all goes smoothly for you all and you can make the most of some much needed time for yourself.

@Badger1970 that sounds like such a good package.

My Dad came home on Friday evening and we all went up there to spend the day yesterday. He was on very good form bless him.

Multi-disciplinary team will meet on Friday to discuss the way forward.

Dad is going to have radiotherapy next week. Mon - Fri and then his immunotherapy and chemos on Sat.
God knows how he'll feel at the end of all that.
He popped over this morning. He is really struggling with the pain. He has morphine now which helps.
Feeling a bit numb about it all at the moment.

Love to all who are going through this at this time.

@ButnotforLola hope all goes as well as it can for your dad this week

After some advice if anyone has any. Went and had lunch with my dad today and all I could do was cry. I want to be brave and adult. He needs me to but it's all to much and too real now. I get its grief but I need to work. Parent and I want to be there for my dad and his wife and I'm being a burden.

@unicornsarereal72 it's so hard to keep being strong - and I think it's OK to have moments where you just can't be. It's think it's the start of the grieving - you're anticipating it and everything inside your head is screaming NO.

It is such a roller coaster. Dad is back in hospital. I can cope in those moments. You go into practical mode. It's the emotional moments he wants to reminisce which is important but hard. Just going day by day.

Dad's declining quickly on his journey. He's barely eating, and the palliative care team think a move to a hospice even for symptom management is likely to overwhelm him - it could also bugger up his care funding so that now looks like a no go. He's getting 2 care visits daily but isn't really happy about it as it's different carers each time and understandably they're rushing but it's unsettling him really more than it's benefitting.

Meeting the specialist nurse tomorrow.

@Badger1970 sounds very difficult time for you all. I hope your dad is as comfortable as he can be. Good the professionals are in place. You are in my thoughts x

Thank you @unicornsarereal72. We had a meeting with the specialist nurse, and she was very kind. She sorted out the RESPECT form for him as he specified not to be rescuscitated or go into hospital but he did agree to a hospice if needed. She also arranged for "injectables" to be in the house - anti nausea and pain relief etc, for the nurses/paramedics to use if needs be.

I think Dad is tired, has had enough and he's giving up - and I can't blame him for that or resent it. He's had such a horrid few months. He's not eaten or had a drink at all today and my sister now feels it's the time to argue that it's a medication he's on and that she didn't agree with him having. Give me strength.

@Waterfalls39 I'm so sorry to hear of the emotional time you are having right now. We have this idyllic view of end of life that we are all sat holding hands with our loved one.

Grief is a shity thing and drawn out with an illness like cancer. I hope you can have your peaceful moment with your dad. And have the strength to get through this difficult time.

I would only say be kind to yourselves, it's so tough. I'm navigating my Mum's deterioration and my husband's new diagnosis of an incurable cancer, although his consultant is confident he can keep him here for a good amount of time with treatment. I truly feel like I'm walking through treacle and this is all a bad dream, I'm just waiting to wake up

💐💐to you all.

All I can say it was so hard to see my dad deteriorate but an absolute honour to be with him during that time & at the end.

He couldn’t really understand towards the end & had delirium but it was lovely just being able to hold his hand.

My two older daughters and I went over last night and put a small christmas tree up for Dad in his living room - he was most confused by the lights being battery operated and was worried how he'd unplug it at night, but it really cheered him up having us there. Just snatching odd moments now of happiness.

Bastarding cancer. It's so horrendous that others are going through this too but I'm incredibly glad to have found this board

I've had a name change fail btw ...

Dad is really struggling.
He had his radiotherapy followed by his normal immunotherapy and chemos. He's now really ill. Can't keep anything in him. I've never heard him like this. No strength.
Hate this. At a loss of what to say or do.
Sorry, no real point to this post, but helps to get it out.

@ButnotforLola I'm sorry to hear this. It's just so horrible to have to stand back and watch because the reality is that you can't take any of it away for them.

Dad's now progressed onto Oramorph which is helping; he's not eating or drinking, and he's incredibly weak. He fell yesterday and was on the floor for nearly an hour because he won't wear his bloody lifeline. I cried on the way home when I left him earlier

Oh Badger. Love to you and your family.

Thank you for replying.
You're right. I can't take it away and I'm not used to that.

@ButnotforLola and @Badger1970 thinking of you both. You are doing all you can. Just being there with them is the most important thing right now.

Another tough day yesterday. Dad had another fall, and I phoned 999 as he was vomitting/dizzy. None available for 6 hours I was told and the operator was bordering on rude as I couldn't specify if he had any injuries. I couldn't tell as he was prone on the floor and moaning in agony. No harm done, other than shock but he's terrified now of trying to walk around. Palliative care are now sorting him a hospital bed, so it should be easier for him to get in and out of and I've ordered him a tv box for his bedroom so he can watch the football in bed.

I hate seeing him suffer. Bastarding bastard cancer.

Sorry to hear your dad is struggling. Seeing your parents being vulnerable is so hard. Hope your dad is comfortable now