Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Thank you for all your lovely suggestions, I did find some things for her in the end, but felt incredibly emotional shopping for what is likely to be her last birthday. Nearly cried all over the shop assistant in M&S! We had a very quiet day, but the main thing was she spoke to all her grandchildren (by various means, FaceTime, etc) and that made her day.

Mum's taken a turn for the worst quite quickly.

She's agreed she doesn't want palliative chemo (which exists but they won't give to her unless she gets stronger and she's going the other way) and this week hopes to move onto home hospice care.

She is very weak, seriously jaundiced, and needs help for the commode. She can no longer go upstairs. She has a wheeled walker but I suspect she would find it hard to use.

Hopefully a hospital bed will come on Monday to make sure she is comfortable and has access to the bells and whistles it has.

Her speech is slow. She's not confused, which is good.

Difficult times.

I'm so sorry, Kezzie. It's a bastard of an illness. Thinking of you and your mum.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend, I'm glad she had a good birthday. It's really upsetting going through Christmas, Mothers' Day and birthdays and knowing these are likely to be the last.

Just wanted to join this thread for some support. My mum was recently diagnosed with bowel cancer. She had a bowel perforation (though we’re not sure if the colonoscopy caused that or the cancer itself) and had emergency surgery to remove the tumour, which was large. It’s been so hard to get proper information. We know it’s gone to the local nodes. The surgeon said they’re going down the curative route but there were some “suspicious” distant lymph nodes elsewhere and if it turns out it has spread to there then it’s going to be palliative…

She’s only 64 and has recently become a grandma to my little boy, who is nearly 5 months old. My first. This should be such an exciting chapter of her life. She’s usually so fit.

We’re due to see oncologist on Thursday who will probably be more frank about things with the 5 year survival rate etc…. I just feel sick all the time.

I can’t imagine a world without my mum. The worst part is seeing her so scared. So up and down. My dad doesn’t help, he is in denial and just thinks she’s absolutely fine and doesn’t understand why she will start crying etc. Makes me so angry.

Sorry for wittering on, just needed somewhere to vent…

Vent away @Jenhen89, I'm so sorry you need to be here

My Mum deteriorated rapidly and died yesterday. Thankfully we were able to care for her at home where she wanted to be and she died peacefully.

I'm so, so sorry, Kezzie.

So sorry @Kezzie200. I'm glad she had a peaceful death and in the place she wanted to be.

My mum has lung cancer. She already has had chemo, radio and immune therapy. scan a few months ago showed a second tumor which was slowly growing and oncologist advised DM will need chemo again in the Autumn. She had another scan a few weeks ago and was due to have a phone appointment on Friday but the hospital have just contacted her to say that her oncologist wants DM to go in and see him instead. Obviously she and I are worried. Any experience or advice anyone?

My mum has lung cancer. She already has had chemo, radio and immune therapy. scan a few months ago showed a second tumor which was slowly growing and oncologist advised DM will need chemo again in the Autumn. She had another scan a few weeks ago and was due to have a phone appointment on Friday but the hospital have just contacted her to say that her oncologist wants DM to go in and see him instead. Obviously she and I are worried

Hello,
I hope you don’t mind me joining you
My lovely mum has today been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Not sure of the specifics, but it looks like it has minimally localised spread from CT

Proposed treatment at the mo is surgery, plus likely chemo to mop up any remaining cancer cells. Consultant said that they were looking at complete surgical clearance and seemed fairly positive

Mum is 76, but super fit, only presented with abdo pain, she has endless energy and walks for miles, apparently she’s a good candidate for surgery.

Mum lives with us, I’m an only child, have a a DP who is amazing but who works away fairly often. I also have a 9yo DD, who adores her Nana

I’m just worried how to manage keeping on working, childcare, plus driving mum to appts. We have no close family, my dad died a few years ago

We have had a recently, sudden and traumatic family bereavement, so we’re all struggling with that too, it’s been a crap year overall!

I’m sorry you are so worried.

From my experience (I work in a related field) there isn’t necessarily a relationship between people being called in vs phone consults and “bad news”

I know of so many patients who have been called into clinic fearing the worst , when it was just that there was an appt available/the Dr wanted to see them or hadn’t seen them for a while.

I wish that communication could be better/more reassuring at times

and I hope that the appt goes well. Sending love x

Thanks worriedmillie back from the oncologist and he said exactly that, he just thought it would be best to see DM rather than a phone call. But having said that he did say that her cancer has spread again to her bones and the other tumors are growing quicker now. So in short, he did think she could wait until the Autumn to start treatment but has brought that forward to her starting within the next few weeks.

Of course you're welcome to post. I'm sorry about your mum, though it sounds like the doctors are being positive about it and it's great that your mum is in good shape for recovering.

Hope it’s ok to post here. Thinking of you all going through these challenging times

My Dad lives abroad and I’ve not seen him for 2 years because of COVID. Sadly he’s now got less than a month left to live. I’m telling my young children later.

My plan was to visit if he was doing better (combination of covid and treatment side effects), but my children understandably find the process of loved ones dying incredibly difficult; I really don’t think it would be the best thing for them. I’m so torn because dad wants to see them and me but understands why it’s not best for the children. It feels like every option is the wrong one.

Is there an option to go alone @Squeezed ?

Hi...
After a recent spell in hospital after symptoms of what she thought was cystitis, an appointment with a gyne surgeon today is hinting that my mum, who is 86, may have ovarian cancer. A CT scan shows a cyst that is 18cm x 13cm. She is booked for a full hysterectomy on June 9th. They are reluctant to do a biopsy before surgery incase the cyst bursts in the process. Mum has a lot of the late stage symptoms, although the blood test used as a marker for ovarian cancer is only 10 (it seems a result of over 40 is a concern) so right now this is a good sign, hopefully.
mum is quite independent and usually in good health. Fortunately we live on the same street, and I am lucky enough to be able to work part time. My dad died 12yrs ago- he was ill for a few years. I think the suddenness of the possibility of mum being seriously ill has come as quite a shock... although I am trying to stay positive until we know more

Starbucks, welcome, but I am sorry you have had to join us. We’re going through similar with my mum, she’s just waiting for a date for surgery, but the CT scan indicates there has been some local spread, so she will also need chemo. Her ca125 was 98, but it’s a bit of a random and non specific marker (although less so in post menopausal women). Some women seem to have readings in the thousands!

At the point of mum’s diagnosis, I just felt full of doom, but the outcome for OC is improving all the time and I have heard of women in their 70s and 80s (my mum is 76) being successfully treated surgically and going on to have chemo, then maintenance therapy to keep the cancer at bay

I’m in a useful Facebook group called Ovarian Cancer Community- I think there’s a group specifically for patients, then one for family members too

Hope everyone is bearing up. We had our father’s funeral last Friday. He chose all the service and had everyone in bits. Can’t believe this time last year both parents were here and looking healthy. Then both taken in the last 5 months! Been trying not to think about it too much but then I catch COVID at the funeral so Giving me lots of thinking time instead of work. I do find myself saying I must tell my parents about the grandkids and then I remember! Sad times! Spend what time you can and enjoy! Even though I only had my dad 5 months since we found out the cancer was terminal we had some good days! The last think he said to my brother was “are all the lights out” which he assured him it was!

@WorriedMillie thank you. We've been waiting fir a surgery date since Feb and since then the cyst has grown a centimetre all round. The whole situation has knocked her confidence about doing stuff. Think we just need to get the operation done now, so we know what will come next, depending on what they find.. hope your mum gets a date for surgery soon

I'm arranging mums funeral. It is really quite difficult trying to choose for her, especially as she wasn't religious. Hopefully we are getting there and will do her proud with some beautiful civil music and a few touches to the traditional (like all things bright and beautiful). Basically it will be a compendium of stuff I think she'd like with friends relating memories and music chosen by my daughter, who was so close to her.

When Mum found out she was terminally ill, she hoped to make the Jubilee, so this weekend isn't easy. Especially as I remember the 25th so vividly too, as she had a big part in organising our street party. I would have been 10 at the time.

I've a week off now to see me through the funeral - and my own 30th wedding anniversary. A card arrived today from my in laws. More tears knowing I won't get one from Mum :(

Mind you, I have my birthday rose growing! She bought that early for me :)

Such hard times for you @Kezzie200, sending you strength. Mum has finished chemo and feeling better physically, but psychologically I feel like she is just waiting for the end. She doesn’t want to do anything

💐 Kezzie, and thinking of you.
We had baddish news from scans a couple of weeks ago and this bout of chemo has made her so, so ill.

Sending love to those struggling ❤️❤️❤️

Mum's funeral tomorrow. Despite having arranged it all (with FD and Celebrant help) I just don't want it to happen. No idea why I suddenly feel like this. Until yesterday I felt ready. Now I feel a mess again. But it's a different emotion with fewer tears.

Dad was really brave yesterday and asked me to take him to the solicitors and all her banks. Each took about 30 minutes, but it was a good job done. Whether that started this, I don't know.

I should probably be moving threads now too :(