Thread for those who have a parent with cancer?

[Fhortu]

I'm just wondering if there is a general one that I've missed, or, if not, if there's any interest in making one?
(I know there's Still the storm for people who have partners with terminal cancer.)

My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and I'm sure there are other people here struggling with a parent's diagnosis.

Not posted on here for a while; so sorry to all of us going through this and to those who have lost a loved one.
My dad, who has advanced metastatic cancer, is slowly deteriorating.
I'm very grateful he's not in pain but it's so sad to see how exhausted and fatigued he is.
He has a chest infection at the moment and I feel I'm nagging all the time to try to get him to eat and drink as he has no appetite.
At least the McMillan nurse has been fab and persuaded him to have a daily carer to try to help with getting washed and dressed so that he's not so knackered.

Thank you for the welcome.

So sorry to hear your news Lotsofpots, my condolences . Thinking of you at this difficult time.

Sorry to hear that your DF is deteriorating littlemefi. It sounds like he is getting some good care which hopefully is of some little comfort? It must be a very difficult time for you to see him getting so unwell.

My DM had a covid booster vaccine about a week ago and has had a high temperature ever since. The side effects of her immunotherapy are also starting to increase in intensity. She had to go to the hospital yesterday for blood tests and review and she was put on antibiotics on the assumption that she had an infection, however her bloods came back ok, so not sure what that is about. I thought vaccine side effects would only last a couple of days but she tells me they can cause a high temp for up to 6 days?

Maybe it's an interreaction. I know a youngster who has a Moderna first jab (ages ago now, obviously) and felt awful for four days. Hot and sweaty. And itchy.

We have taken a house near my parents for a week and have just arrived. My adult children have joined us. My daughter will see her Nan tomorrow morning on her own, whilst my son and I go shopping, then we will all go around later. So long as covid tests are negative, of course.

I was brought up in this town and have treated ourselves to a nice big place, of the sort I've always wanted to live in if we ever moved back (which we wont). Hilariously, despite wanting one for over 40 years, all I can think of is the dreadful cost to heat it!

I will enjoy it while I can!

Can I join, my dad was diagnosed with a lymphoma in his spine last Friday after months of being told it was sciatic pain. He started chemo last Saturday. He will now get chemo every 3 weeks.

What I’m finding hard is even though my brother & I are 40+ they still try to protect us and I’m not sure we are hearing the full story. I can’t push for info as it upsets mum.

What’s even sadder is I get married in 9 weeks but now obviously don’t know if they will come as don’t know if he will be well enough but also they are terrified of covid. I feel selfish worrying about this!

@Doidontimmm that's not selfish at all it's your parents and your wedding, that's a big deal!

It's really difficult when you don't have the full information, even though it's very hard knowing. I do think it's better but I also understand you can't push it. I'm so sorry that sounds really tough.

Definitely not selfish about your wedding at all, so sorry you're going through this. I know a bit how you feel about the lack of info, I naively believed my DM was bring transparent with us in the beginning but it turned out she was not. As she later told me something that contradicted what she had told me awhile before, as in she later admitted the severity of her illness was somewhat worse than she first admitted to. So now though she does keep me updated I have the additional worry of not trusting what she's saying and I don't know how worried to be because I don't know how much of what's she saying is true. For all I know she could be much worse/have much poorer odds than she's making out, I really don't know. This is all a worry in itself isn't it?

Hi all - bad day here and it's led me to this board. DM had been diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer which had spread to her abdomen, but a recent CT scan has found a 4cm tumour in her lung.

No treatment yet as they originally biopsied the stomach tumour to see what chemo to do. Now the tumour in her lungs needs to be biopsied to see if it's the same cancer which has spread, or a separate cancer.

It's all just surreal and unbelievable and seems to be getting worse.

I just have no idea what to do or how to react. I can't cry. I feel like I've emotionally shut down. DM doesn't like fuss so I'm never sure how much she's sharing with me. I'm 300 miles away. She's alone (my DF died of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma eight years ago).

Sorry for the brain dump. I just don't know what to do, how to react, how to 'be' with her.

Thanks all, my dad brought it up and said unless he is unwell he will be there even just to walk down the aisle and sit socially distanced from everyone, the hotel has offered a takeaway meal for them :)

On a plus note he is feeling ok and the pain much better. His first chemo went well.

@MintMe I’m just trying to be as normal as possible & helping with anything I can. It’s hard.

Hi all, new here so haven't managed to read the thread.

My mum was in remission from breast cancer when she was diagnosed with two chronic life limiting conditions, one of which was terminal.

On top of that at the beginning of the week we found out the cancer had come back but this time in the bones in her back, and yesterday we got news it was also in her liver. Very early days but wanted to check in, glad I found this thread

Hello I haven’t posted in a while. Sorry for those who have lost loved ones or seeing their loved ones suffer. My father has terminal pancreatic cancer (found out on day my mum died recently in December). He’s slowly been deteriorating and saying he needs 1 to 1 care. How quickly was that arranged for you? Macmillan said it could take a few weeks to arrange as covid is causing lots of staff absences. My husband went over for the night but has stayed for 3 because he’s so shaky on feet. My brother going tonight but not sure how we’ll manage past then. Have also tried private nursing but again 4 week wait list due to COVID. We don’t mind helping him but when he’s really immobile I don’t think be I’d know what to do! Macmillan nurse said it’s not hospice time. I don’t know how long he has so waiting a few weeks seems a long time to me!

Hello new and returning posters. So sorry to hear everyone's sad news. I don't have any practical advice but I am here reading and thinking of you all.

My DM has not been the same ever since she had her covid booster a few weeks ago. Assuming this is coincidence now given passage of time. I haven't seen her for a few weeks now either because I got a few illnesses and then we all got covid too, which I'm still unwell with on day 11 of symptoms. My DF came round briefly before and I asked him how my DM was doing and he couldn't talk and was crying. This is not like him to say the least and he is also an ex-medical doctor so if he's worried...I don't feel that I really know what is going on and nobody wants/is able to discuss it. She is awaiting a bunch of investigation results that she won't get back til next week apparently. I dunno what to do, it feels surreal that my life is just carrying on basically as normal and I have no idea whether DM may yet recover, or if she's going to die soon, or what. I don't know whether I should be doing something as if to prepare but how can you? I also don't know what to do about my soon-to-be-4-year old who has already mostly given up asking to see her (they were very close) and has recently grumbled "UGH, why is DGM always poorly?!". I didn't know what to say to that.

Checking in .... my mum is back in hospital, she had some kind of seizure and they want to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to her brain. Anyone want to run away from it all?

Yes! Regularly!

DM had her biopsy this week. She's pretty much decided she doesn't want any harsh palliative chemo, so I think the next stage will be with the palliative care team.

Had a bad day today. I knew Mum was hiding something, and today she's told me that she has collapsed twice whilst in the shower this week. She's now not showering for lack of confidence. So I guess next time she will, will be next Thursday when I go back up to see her. Poor Dad struggled to help her and she's black and blue.

I'm just a mess tonight. So many demands on me and I'm just feeling like bursting into tears.

Ah sorry all! Took my 13 yo to see my DF in hospice. I tried to prepare him but he struggled. DF has days left, said max a week but would not be surprised for phone call any minute.
difficult but first time I’d seen dad have a smile seeing his grandchild followed by a wee tear. V powerful and seemed to feign sleepiness as he could tell his grandson was in tears. Beautiful as think will help in healing process but sooooo sad. sigh

Sending you both strength @Kezzie200 and @Lushmetender.

Thx. DF passed away this morning at 540 am. Not sure it’s hit me yet!

Just checking in here, not really for any reason. I lost my Dad 4 weeks ago to cancer. It was secondary in the lungs but treatment was 'going well' then all of a sudden started with sickness, dizziness etc and we found out it had spread to his brain. He died quite suddenly, they said it would have been a huge stroke/haemorrhage. Still feel like I didn't get chance to say goodbye properly.

Sorry you are all going through this too.

💐lushmetender and unicorn

@Lushmetender and @Unicorn25

So, so sorry to hear your news.

I'm having a difficult time at the moment but hoping to spend next weekend with Mum and Dad, which is something to look forward to.

Sorry you're finding it tough at the moment, Kezzie. I hope you have a nice time with your parents.
We are waiting for more scan results.

Hello all. My love and condolences to those grieving a loss and my strength to those still holding on.

DM is much worse. From stage two in her ovaries and abdomen, it's now stage four and spread to her lungs. The lesion was 2cm middle of April and is now 8cm so growing aggressively. They were still planning on treating until Friday when she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and sepsis. She is very poorly, very weak and they've had to delay chemo again.

The conversation tonight with the consultant was about whether she would realistically be strong enough to start the chemo and, if not, it will be a case of making her comfortable.

I start a new job on Monday.

This is all just like a bad dream.

It's my mum's birthday soon and i'm looking for inspiration please. What do you buy someone who is terminally ill, doesn't want 'stuff' and doesn't feel up to going out for experiences? I'm stumped but I want to make her feel special.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend
It's all 'stuff', but does she like reading or doing puzzles? Are there any DVDs you think she'd enjoy? Or maybe a photo board of her family/friends?

@DwightShrutesgirlfriend

Does she feel the cold? Would a nice blanket be suitable or a plug in heated throw?

Could you organise a nice afternoon tea or restaurant lunch that could be had at home?

I also like the idea above of the photos.