STXH terminal cancer wants to move in

[Earlgrey19]

I’ve been separated about 4 months. My ex moved to a flat. The children have just got used to it. Tragically my ex has just found out he has a cancer recurrence and it’s terminal. Don’t know how long he’s got yet. Our children are age 3 and age 6. He wants to move in as he says that’s the only way he’ll see the children. He was having them 3 nights a week and doesn’t want to see them any less. I do want to facilitate him seeing the kids but I don’t feel I can cope with him moving in or that I can just erase the fact we are separated. There was emotional abuse. Even if he doesn’t move in he wants to be around here all the time — that’s his solution.
I know it’s so hard for him. Any ideas? I think we could probably afford to pay someone to help. Don’t know what to do.

Definitely a good mantra to set your boundaries.
Well done.
Hope for dc sake all is clear and you can move forward as separated parents.

I'm relieved for you.

Now is the time to plough on and make the separation legally binding and look for a divorce and the best outcome for your children, and get your shit hot lawyer on the case!

Keep strong @Earlgrey19!

Now that you have a reprieve of sorts, it is time to officially extricate yourself from any financial hold (and others) he may have over you.

He was abusive to you OP. He is a stbxh. You owe him no more than you really want to give. You are not duty bound.

Thinking of you and your kids

X post with look

Fucking hell - he is a colossal twat.

What a relief!! You’ve done well to stand firm and I hope there’s no more scares down the line.

At the same time I can’t believe what I’ve been through

I'm not surprised in the slightest, it has fed in very well to a pattern he started the first time he emotionally abused you

Hopefully you'll have the headspace now to get things sorted for you and your DC. I think seeing a solicitor would be a very wise move, knowledge is power for you.

Ha, he showed his hand too soon there.

I can imagine his thought process when he found the lump: "Good! Now this has happened she has to give me what I want!"

He may well have believed he was terminally ill: there could have been a kind of subconscious willing it to be so to "make you be nice to him" and in his mind, it would 'get him off' facing the consequences of his abuse.

He could on the other hand have known it was bullshit all along though. He will be trying it on again when his Dad arrives round the corner presumably. Stand firm! No hosting cosy family teas with grandad. Boundaries boundaries boundaries.

Good. I'm glad it's good news for him and also for you as you no longer have this dilemma.

However, bear in mind that if he is at high risk of recurrence this issue could come up again at any point. Therefore make sure your boundaries are well in place. He is not moving back in ever.
And proceed with the divorce so the finances can be sorted out asap.

Sounds like you've had a close shave. Yes definitely get your boundaries and divorce in order but not after you've recovered from this rollercoaster ride.

You've dodged a bullet there @Earlgrey19 he won't catch you on the back foot again.

@ihtwsf hoping you got your jab

@SquashMinusIsShit

Thank you for remembering me.
Yes, I actually managed to get my jab without any drama or panic. I was quite stressed but it never tipped over into panic at all.
In fact I didn't even feel the needle at all. I was so sure she hadn't done it I asked to see the empty syringe! However, I do know it was done as I have a nice bruise...
The best bit is I got the J&J (deliberately waited for it) so I don't need to go for a second one.

[quote ihtwsf]@SquashMinusIsShit

Thank you for remembering me.
Yes, I actually managed to get my jab without any drama or panic. I was quite stressed but it never tipped over into panic at all.
In fact I didn't even feel the needle at all. I was so sure she hadn't done it I asked to see the empty syringe! However, I do know it was done as I have a nice bruise...
The best bit is I got the J&J (deliberately waited for it) so I don't need to go for a second one.[/quote]
That's fab news, well done 🥳

Whew!!! That's a relief.

His poor dad. I hope he can get back to australia, given they halved the already low flight caps effective as of a few days ago. So they’ve cancelled half the people booked to fly to australia and need to find them another flight. Seats cost a bomb.

@Earlgrey19 Am mightily relieved for you and your children - and hope stbxh has learned something useful.
Painful week

What a week you’ve had.
His poor dad coming All this way

Sorry you have had to go through this OP. He really has had your emotions by the short and curlies. Wishing you well.

What a total wanker. Get your ducks in a row. Good luck

Some people with terminal cancer last only weeks, and no appetite is a key sign they are nearing the end. Let’s hope it was stress and not that.