Husband now terminal

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do . How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken

There are drinks called Ensure that are like milkshakes that can be useful as well. They might be available on prescription if needed (but not sure about that).

Thanks, the complan he likes are chocolate milkshake flavour and they actually taste okay. I think we could get them on prescription but I’m not sure if you can pick flavour/type.

When my aunt was in the same stage, we found McDonald's milkshake to be brill. She said the cold soothed her throat and they're full of calories.

I'm so very sorry. Cancer is so fucking cruel.

Niffler I just want to add my support, you are a truly amazing wife and so brave and strong. Warm wishes to you and your lovely husband. Thinking of you

I'm so sorry to read this

Cancer is such a cruel, cruel bastard.

I’m so sorry reading this, nothing I can say will help but I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of your and your DH

Yes Ensure is on prescription and with my mum she had the choice. Also when she got to the stage of not wanting much food she really fancied/had pineapple and ice cream, which the hospice nurse said was quite common.

Thinking of you both.

Nothing I can say, but I'm so sorry.

He’s already at the stage of not being able to eat. He hasn’t eaten today or yesterday. He’s eating a slice of toast if he can manage it. He’s always been someone who didn’t care what or how much he ate so I know it’s not him being fussy or anything.

So sorry Niffler - nothing I can say to help....but sending you hugs xxx

That could be the morphine if he's taking a big dose. Talk to his GP or nurse and ask if they can do anything. My aunt was given anti nausea drugs (I think) and they helped.

Niffler, so so sorry. Remember, because MN is international there is always someone to respond, even at 3 am which is the dreadful time of night.

I expect you’ve been told this or know all the following but just in case:

lips get very dry as does skin towards the end. We found the tiny sponges they supply v useful, also lip balm in nice tasting varieties. We also used loads of delicious smelling handcream.

The hospices I know have all let dogs in, to stay on the bed if the person concerned wants. Comfort is everything at this stage.

I also put lavender sachets under the pillow, or lavender and hops . Calming smells.

And hearing lasts a long time. We played soothing music. Touch appears to be the final sense to go; your loving hands will be what he wants.

Sending love and courage to you both.

Ps, carer’s Allowance can be backdated.

The hospice are hopefully arranging some complementary therapy for us both. They come to your house to do it. He had aromatherapy, massage and meditation whilst he was in hospital he found it very soothing and relaxing.

I think food wise it’s the cancer in his liver pressing against his stomach. His appetite has been dwindling before the morphine it’s just gotten worse now. It’s quite hard to see him losing all this weight but his stomach is getting bigger with the cancer. He’s always been a big guy very broad shoulders and a huge rib cage.

So sorry you are both going through this. It's horrendous and heartbreaking and seems so unfair.

If he is not eating, it will be important to keep his mouth feeling comfortable. Clean teeth and a moist mouth can make a big difference.

My heart is breaking for you both

Nifflerbowtruckle I don't know if anything I can type helps - for me just knowing people were responding to me reaching out meant a lot to me.

I hope the hospice can arrange things which bring you both some relief and comfort.

I don't know if your hospice provide a "hospice at home" service where someone would come and be in your home overnight, just to be there so that the carer could get some rest. It enabled me to get a nights sleep knowing they would call me if DH deteriorated. We had them for a couple of nights towards the end.

I'm do sorry for what you are both going through x

It does help chasing. It’s nice to have an outlet and a place to write down what I’m thinking without needing to actually talk to people.

The palliative care nurse gave us a hospice at Home leaflet. She’s coming again on 31st and she said that some of her colleagues would get in touch with us.

Yeah that's how I felt too, I basically just let thoughts flow on here.

Now months later I post on a thread with a few people who have been there since just before he died and that helps too.

I'm going to bed now, I hope you both manage to have a good night.

There really is nothing remotely useful I can offer except to say how very sad it is to read your thread. I am so sorry for what you are both having to endure, utterly tragic.

Wishing you both peace

Thinking of you both.

Hugs.

Thinking of you and your DH, Niffler

Aye. Been thinking about you both.

DH is steadily going downhill. He’s pretty sleepy at the moment. I’m hoping the nurse can sort something to enable him to lay down since it hurts so much to do so.

I’m putting off telling his parents that in his final moments he just wants myself and his brother there. He is happy for them to spend time with him and say goodbye but right at the end he just wants us two there and just quiet.

He’s starting to get a little upset at the thought of leaving. He wells up every time he sees the dog now.