Had paramedics out to dh this morning as he fell and i couldnt get him up safely. Hes now completely bedbound and slurring his words. I think he will be gone within the next week... im completely devastated as it is now sinking in that hes actually going to leave me. My head understood the terminal diagnosis but my heart never truly believed it.
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Life-limiting illness
Katiekatiekatiekay ·
05/12/2015 19:29
Oh how thoughtful of him re the mortgage 
love to you & your boys
Seawig ·
05/12/2015 19:41
So sorry for your awful loss, may comfort find you and your boys in time. 
inlectorecumbit ·
06/12/2015 08:10
I am so sorry for your loss Ludoole. I lost my mum on Wednesday 2nd December and the pain is almost unbearable.
Please take care of yourself and your lovely boys. Please feel free to PM me at any time as sleep is not my friend just now and l am up most of the nights just thinking.
[hugs]
ThumbWitchesAbroad ·
06/12/2015 10:40
What a total 
your DH was to do that for you Ludoole! Even in his state, he managed to think about what he could do to help you out afterwards, amazing. [thanks
So sorry for your loss too, inlecto - some of us are in forrin places so are here all through your night, if you have your own thread we can chat there if you want to - or here, if you prefer. to you too.
PunkrockerGirl ·
06/12/2015 11:07
Still thinking of you Ludoole
My db is terminally ill, being admitted to the hospice tomorrow. He almost certainly won't see Christmas 
Their ds1 is getting married on Saturday, this should be such a happy time.
Life is very cruel sometimes.
Sending to you and your family, Ludoole x
ThumbWitchesAbroad ·
06/12/2015 11:11
(((hugs))) to you too, Punkrocker - so sad for your brother, you and all your family. x
Ludoole ·
08/12/2015 00:10
Inlecto So sorry for your loss The pain is worse than i ever comprehended it would be, have you found that too?
Punkrocker Im so sorry
You have all kept me going these last few days, thank you all
I cant believe im a widow and not yet 40.
I cant believe he actually went....
He hated smoking with a passion so i have even stood in the back garden with a cigarette and told him to "come and stop me...." i think the neighbours think ive lost my mind!! Maybe i have 
OP posts:
echt ·
08/12/2015 06:52
at the garden nattering. Eminently sane, as I'm sure your neighbours understand.
SerendipityDooDah ·
08/12/2015 14:10
Thinking of you Ludoole -- so sorry you are having to bear this pain. It must be such a difficult thing to wrap your mind around. I think issuing garden challenges to your DH is quite reasonable under the circumstances! If nothing else, having a little chuckle at yourself may give you a moment or two of relief. for you and all the others on this thread who have faced or are facing their own losses.
inlectorecumbit ·
08/12/2015 23:24
Ludoole pain like l didn't believe existed. I am trying to hold on to the thought that the pain and suffering is all over for her now. It comforts me a wee bit but not for long.
I find myself talking to her, shouting at her. Sometimes l forget and find myself trying to phone her. Like you l wasn't ready to say goodbye.
My mum was a lot older than your DH -she had a good life, your DH was cut short in his prime. I feel very very sad for you.
Please let me hold your hand to help you through the next few days/weeks/months.
We will get there together.
Ludoole ·
09/12/2015 02:38
Inlect You can hold my hand if i can hold yours
A loss is a loss whatever age...
Im angry at dh today. Hugely, ragingly angry. He sorted nothing that he should have... and now i have to do everything... I cant grieve until everything is sorted but i feel guilty at being so angry. I still love him more than ever but i need to grieve and i cant yet because of the things he was meant to sort out but didn't 
OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad ·
09/12/2015 06:31
Ludoole - anger is all part of the grieving process, so be as angry as you need to. I don't know if you've heard of the 5 steps of bereavement, but if you haven't, then this is worth a read. However, it's important to realise that they are not 5 distinct linear steps - you can go between the 5 stages, forwards, backwards, have 2 or 3 at the same time - until you've worked through everything and that can take years, or for some it never gets completed.
There is no "right" timescale - everyone is different, everyone processes stuff at their own pace and that is ok. So long as you move between the stages, then all is well - it can become problematic if you get "stuck" in one phase, but that doesn't happen often.
for you and inlecto - it is hard, it does get easier, but it never goes away entirely (and in all honesty, you wouldn't want it to, as that would somehow mean you'd "forgotten" about them) - just becomes your new normal. x
echt ·
09/12/2015 08:17
Oh, Ludoole so very sorry you're in a welter of "stuff". Upthread you said he'd paid off the last bit of the mortgage on the house. Maybe that was what he could do, something at the end to offset all the things he was supposed to have done, and knew he was supposed to have done.
I don't pretend to know your situation but, if I'm not stepping out of line, hold on to that bit, the bit he did.
inlectorecumbit ·
09/12/2015 20:49
It's my birthday today-l can't see me ever celebrating it again My DF died on 11th of December 2000 so is not a good month.
Anger is good, it's a stage we have to go through (so DD tells me). Thanks for the link Thunb it makes sense, l am in the bargaining stage but have flashes of anger at everybody.
My DM's funeral is tomorrow l am dreading it but l hope to do her proud.
Ludoole how are you getting on with the arangements, i know you love your H, remember he would have sorted things if he could, he didn't want to go, he had no choice. Celebrate the things he did manage to do..
I'm here for you [hug]
ThumbWitchesAbroad ·
09/12/2015 23:08
I do kind of know how you feel about your birthday, inlecto. My mum died 2 weeks before my 40th birthday, and we had her funeral a few days prior to it. My 40th birthday in effect didn't happen (I didn't want or expect it to).
Our family have a habit of dying on or around other family's birthday - my great grandmother died the weekend of my sibling's birthday, we only found out because my grandmother, her daughter, went to collect her for the birthday tea at ours, and she was just sitting on the sofa, so of course they had to call people and we were just waiting and waiting, finally got a phonecall to explain. :( My grandfather (other side) also died just prior to a sibling's birthday. And then mum's dad died just after her birthday and so on and so on. I guess with lots of birthdays, it's actually hard to miss them all, isn't it.
Birthday love to you anyway - I won't say "happy" because that's inappropriate, but have some more , 
and 
anyway.
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