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Life-limiting illness

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Not long now. .

136 replies

Ludoole · 01/12/2015 11:28

Had paramedics out to dh this morning as he fell and i couldnt get him up safely. Hes now completely bedbound and slurring his words. I think he will be gone within the next week... im completely devastated as it is now sinking in that hes actually going to leave me. My head understood the terminal diagnosis but my heart never truly believed it.

OP posts:
OfficeGirl1969 · 03/12/2015 12:15

Ohhh lovely lady, I'm so sorry it's finally happened, but I guess at least he's peaceful now (that has been said to me a million times in the last year and I know it doesn't help but.....) Love to you all

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/12/2015 12:36

I'm so sorry Ludoole. I've never posted before but I have followed your story and been amazed by your strength and the love you clearly have for your husband.

Sending love to you and your family Flowers

Klaptout · 03/12/2015 14:35

So very sorry. Thinking of you and your boys.

NewLife4Me · 03/12/2015 14:46

I'm so sorry.
Sending love to you and your lovely boys. Thanks

whatisforteamum · 03/12/2015 16:42

So very sorry for your loss ludoole xx

Stuffofawesome · 03/12/2015 16:51

So sorry for your loss.

pinktransit · 03/12/2015 18:57

I'm so, so sorry.

Do, or don't do whatever feels right for you. Potter around, just sit, whatever.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, all you can do right now is just be.
My heart is with you and your sons, I wish I could say something to make it better.

Ludoole · 04/12/2015 17:44

Thank you all for your kind words Flowers

I made the funeral arrangements today and im keeping busy so i dont think too much. The house doesn't feel right anymore. I really ought to pack his medication and colostomy supplies up but its comforting seeing them in the usual places.
The boys both want to see him in the chapel of rest so we shall be doing that over the next week.
Ive had a request from one of his old female friends to ask if she can see him one last time and i dont know what to say. I know it sounds awful but he was so ravaged by his illness that he wasnt happy with his appearance at the end and if im honest i feel funny about another woman being in there alone with him especially as they used to be in a relationship. Ive told her i will discuss it with his sister to buy me some time. Tell me honestly, should i just get a grip and tell her its fine?

OP posts:
Lilybensmum1 · 04/12/2015 17:59

Hi Lu I followed all of your posts and was so struck by your amazing strength, I'm so so sorry for your loss, there are no words. Regarding the female friend you need to do what YOU think is right and at the moment it sounds like you should say no. I understand when you say you don't want her in the room alone with your dh I think I would feel the same.

However take some time to think it over and go with your gut. Take care I will be thinking about you and your boys.

Stinkyfeet · 04/12/2015 18:05

I'm sorry for your loss.

You must put your feelings and those of your boys first now. If you don't want his old friend to see him, then you must say no. Send the message via a third party if necessary and make sure the funeral directors know not to let anybody see him without your say so.

When our son died, he was able to stay in a room at the hospice and we specified that no one was to see him unless myself or his dad were also there (we were there every day).

Ingles2 · 04/12/2015 18:09

So sorry Flowers
With regards the female friend... I don't think you need to be worrying about this ag this time.. You have so much to deal with already..so just send a message saying, he wouldn't have wanted anyone to see him like this. Sending you strength x

timelytess · 04/12/2015 22:13

You must put your feelings and those of your boys first now. If you don't want his old friend to see him, then you must say no. Send the message via a third party if necessary and make sure the funeral directors know not to let anybody see him without your say so
As above.
I can understand that the woman might want to say goodbye but if you aren't comfortable with it, that's the end of the matter.

mineofuselessinformation · 04/12/2015 22:23

Sending you strength, Ludoole.
I lurked in your last thread and guessed the end was near.
Do whatever feels right.
Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry.

Heathcliff27 · 04/12/2015 22:33

So sorry for your loss Thanks

EskiDecaff · 04/12/2015 22:36

Love to you and your family. You've been heroic.

puddingisgood · 05/12/2015 08:31

Re the friend, go with your gut then whatever decision you make, put it out of your mind.
Be kind to yourself as well as your boys. I hope the love of your family and friends (irl and here on mn) surrounds you and remains with you for as long as you need it. Flowers

thesandwich · 05/12/2015 08:39

Put your needs and your dc first. And trust your instincts. Sending[ flowers] and let others like the funeral directors help protect you.
Thinking of you and your dc.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/12/2015 11:10

What an odd request for this old friend to make, at such a time too.
I don't think I would agree to it, but it's entirely up to you and your family whether or not you do - and as others have said, if it's not sitting comfortably with you, then say No. You don't have to do anything you don't feel right about, just now. So go with your gut feelings on this.

And yes, I recognise the bit about not wanting to put medications and colostomy stuff away - my Dad was the same when my Mum died. She wasn't supposed to, as far as we knew - she was going into hospital because she potentially had another blockage - well yes, she did: a massive tumour but we didn't know until a week before she died. They didn't tell us, possibly on her instruction, because I was getting married - but a week after we got married, she had a near miss and they moved her to ICU, and then they told us. Shocked us rigid. Dad wanted her to come home, but she couldn't. It took a while before we were able to start clearing away the stuff - and even now, much of her stuff (toiletries etc.) is still in the house, although all the meds and supplies are gone.

Remember there is no "right" time to do anything - some people do it immediately, some never do it - and whichever you choose is fine for you. One day you'll just start, and that may be soon or it may not be - and that's ok.

(((hugs))) for you Ludoole - you're still in shock now, so take even more care of yourself than you normally would. Thanks

Ludoole · 05/12/2015 14:32

Thank you all. I discussed it with his sister and she said to tell her it was just family.
To be fair she accepted what i said graciously but i will still have a word with the funeral director. Thank you all. X

OP posts:
thesandwich · 05/12/2015 14:46

Well done. A good call. How are you doing? You know there are people to listen here to whatever you need to say. And who send you support and strength

PestoSkiissimos · 05/12/2015 14:48

I think you made a sensible decision Ludoole.

Well done for staying calm in the horrible circumstances. I know what you are going through, having lost my DH 2 & 1/2 years ago when my DD's were 13 & 15.

Suzy4321 · 05/12/2015 14:55

Ludoole, I am very sorry for your loss.

Put your husbands things away when it's right for you and your children. It does no harm in having them around its been a normality for a long time. Adjust things when you are all ready.

It's an awful time but it's important to be selfish right now it's about you and your children.

Xx

Ludoole · 05/12/2015 19:11

Thesandwich We are not doing too badly at the moment, but i dont think its sunk in yet. Im trying not to think about things at the moment as i need to sort the practical things, like the bank and utilities, before the funeral as i suspect it will really hit then...
Turns out i wont have a job from Monday either as my dad is going into a care home, but on the plus side, my lovely husband apparently paid the rest of the mortgage off a couple of days before he died Smile

OP posts:
villainousbroodmare · 05/12/2015 19:18

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

LiquorsOnDeck · 05/12/2015 19:26

Sending you lots of love x