Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Lovely update Biscuits- and weebarra!

It's so easy to take home comforts for granted- enjoy being home again both of you.

weebarra are your children at school? Ask about a group run in school- may be called Rainbows- it's a means of peer and adult support when children are coping with stressful situations like bereavement, divorce etc. I certainly think it could apply to your situation.

Sounds like you are doing bloody brilliantly. The docs sound pleased and it all seems to be moving in the right direction... I guess sometimes its a case of playing the long game rather than a quick fix.

So great to hear your update - think of where you were a month ago and how far you have come - remission must be round the corner! Enjoy the sunshine and have a wonderful weekend with your family.

Another lurker who's been following from the start and just wanted to say so glad you're home and I think you're amazing. Hoping and praying you continue to do well.

Enjoy those baby snuggles! Xx

Hope you are having a lovely time with your family, biscuits, and congratulations on your progress so far. Remission can't be far away.

I love my life. Can I keep it please?

Lovely day. Doing home work with my eldest, walking with the baby in the sling, playing in thr garden and eating almost normal food.

Its hard not to let little things ruin it. We went shopping for individual portions of things for when my neutrophils drop again, ive repacked a suitcase to leave in the corner incase I have to go back in quickly. The reminders are painful so I space them out and there have been a few tears.

All the school uniform I ordered arrived so ive aorted it out so I can start labelling it. Trying to reduce how much mr biscuits has to do if im not here or too unwell. Both boys dressed up look so smart and ds2 (4) looks so proud.

What if I dont get to see him wear it for real?
Will I ever get to do the same with my daughter?

Biscuits I didn't want to read and run, but I pray you will. You deserve every moment of their future lives and I believe you will see all these moments x

So many prayers, good wishes and love winging their way to you. Hope you have a lovely evening with Mr. Biscuits - and that tomorrow is just the sort of family day you'd choose. xx

I truly believe you will see your children's first days at school biscuits. You will be bursting with pride and you'll most probably cry :) I shall look forward to your thread describing your PFB's first day at school!

Biscuits, I'm so hopeful that your life won't be taken from you or you taken from it. SO hopeful. I am praying hard & willing you to get better & survive this pesky knock-back. Try & derive more strength (for you already have it in abundance) from the collective support & well wishes you have both in RL and here on MN. Keep going lady! And keep enjoying those precious moments.

Those thoughts are heartbreaking Biscuits - wishing you all the very best. Stay strong & hope you're able to enjoy the sunshine.

Biscuits remember your superpowers with which you created these three beautiful children. Sending you all my hopes and thoughts that you will have many long years with them.

I even love waking at night for the baby although mr biscuits wont let me get up for night feeds yet at least I can soothe her while he gets stuff ready. Breastfeeding was so much lesa faff.

Thank you... yes I will do it.

Had an email tonight from someome I dont know very well but have met a few times at professional events. Her husband is 18m in remission with even more aggressive disease than I had at the start and also had a bone marrow transplant at the place I will go if I get into remission. Its very kind of her to write and gave me great encouragement.

Im getting school stuff ready to save me time later... its going to be me nagging them to get dressed on all the first days and the lasts.

Dear Biscuits,
I'm so glad you're home. Seemingly little things like sorting out clothes anchor us to our place in our family and I think you are settling yourself back into that. Of course you will be there to do that for all your DC's. You will experience that bittersweet moment when they go into school all grown up and you are proud and sad at the same time. Sleep well.

And may I just add a little hats off moment to mr biscuits and a hope that he's hanging in their too x

Morning Biscuits. So lovely to hear what happy times you're having with the other Biscuits. You have a very good egg (excuse the mixed culinary references) in Mr Biscuits, I hope he's doing OK.

That email must have been great to read, the more 'real life' stories of success you hear it must help you feel like a positive outcome can be a reality.

Hope you have another lovely day today.

:) still here, reading!
You're doing great! Enjoy today!

weebarra, how are you medear?

Morning Biscuits!

Yes, the bag needs to stay packed and the other concessions made- but only so that you can be the one labelling the kids uniforms for many years to come.

Have a lovely day x

the future can be scary. remember the mindfulness and stay in these lovely moments with your family as they unfold.

Glad to hear that all is well with you all biscuits.

Being organised in case of readmission is a good plan. It would make a stressful situation slightly less crazy. Being organised with school uniforms is a great plan - you'll be one step ahead of everyone else and breathing a sigh of relief when we're all posting in the run up to the new term in Septmber!

I bet you're building up energy and strength now ready for the next step of your treatment. Stay strong, I have a feeling that you'll be labelling school uniforms for many more years to come!
Xx

Ds2 learnt to ride his bike today :-)

A wonderful day and I hope you all had a great one too. Its been lovely really rebooting and storing up energy for the next 28 days. My last day of phase2 chemo will be baby Rs 4month birthdat. Another nice coincidence im choosing to take as a sign

Lovely

A great sign that all will be well.

So pleased you had a good day.