Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

You've escaped! Fantastic!

I hope you have had a lovely day in the sunshine with your DH and babies. You've been stuck inside and your world has completely changed so your feelings sound normal to me

Another lurker from the beginning popping up to say woooo hooooo:):):):):
Hope your are having a lovely evening at home with a squishy baby on your lap xx

How lovely to think of you being home! Enjoy every moment of it - the smells, the colours, the mess and noise normality of it.

So thrilled you are home!

Hurrah for home! Enjoy your snuggles with the boys.

Great to hear your home! Yes the colours of the world could be too bright, I counteracted this by taking really bright things back into hospital with me, a bright blanket etc. But the world seemed bright and vivid, I remember staring out of the kitchen a bit stunned by the flowerbeds! Enjoy your cuddles & home comforts!

Fabulous that you are home!!

The world IS still bright and colourful and that is a good thing. The world is bright and colourful and you are still very much in it. That is how it should be.

Stay stale xx

Bit apprehensive about results today but waking up in bed with my little girl in my arms and my biggest boy (at 6.30am) in his school uniform lying next to me holding my hand and beaming waa the best thing ever! He is my sensitive one and he has felt the separation very deeply.

Off for a shower and to put some proper clothes on! I might even wear shoes for the first time in a month (mr biscuits forgot the shoes but did remember the baby yesterday so I cant complain)

Keep smiling people.... you get another day in the world, another chance to make it count and to be the person you choose to be :-)

Morning biscuits

That made me smile, sounds like your babies are really enjoying having you home.

The results will be what they are and you will deal with whatever it is when the time comes (we'll be here to celebrate or hand hold too). You've come a long way in the last few weeks and dealt with way more than you expected to have to and are doing amazingly well.

Enjoy your shower, normal clothes and shoes, and any other simple pleasures that come your way today. Sneak in a few treats too!

Morning biscuits, what a lovely way to start your day. I hope you can enjoy it doing all the normal little things that make up life.
For me it was the laundry, the thing I will never complain about again, I so missed the simple pleasure of being able to make sure my babies we wearing clean, comfortable clothes.
I have everything crossed that the test results are positive today.
Thinking of you and your family, enjoy the time together.
X

Keep going Biscuits! How lovely for your children and Mr Biscuits to have you home.

De-lurking to welcome you home. So so pleased for you and your family. Enjoy.

YAY!!! Biscuits is home! Crack open the hobnobs (or is that cannibalism?)

What a lovely update this morning biscuits!

Everything crossed for good results to continue the day the way it started

Another one de-lurking to say welcome home and enjoy the lovely snuggles with your family.

Your lovely words earlier
Keep smiling people.... you get another day in the world, another chance to make it count and to be the person you choose to be
made me think of one of my favourite quotes

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good

Fingers firmly crossed for best possible results today.

What a lovely wake-up for you! Hope the rest of the day is as good - and the results show you're kicking the baddies! x

Good luck for results and enjoy the sun

Hurrah for you, well done!

Out of interest, how are your older children coping? Is there a support system in place for kids when this type of thing happens?

But don't worry about answering me at the moment, carry on enjoying the sun and being outside.... Far more important!

I love that qute legion!

I also love being home. The weird feelings have mostly settled.ive tidied my boys rooms, run the washing through and in the line, had lunch out with my husband, dad and brother (sans kids stolen time before nursery and school pickp) now the menfolk are out supervising swimming lessons while babyR sleeps in her car seat in front of me. The house feels more like home again..... Though I think at one point mr biscuits was contemplating sending me back!

I'm über paranoid about germs but that's not a bad thing I guess.

And...... I'm not in remission yet (damn) but the consultant is neither surprised or worried about this and expects I will be after this next set. Apparently my bone marrow was so packed with leukaemia and my disease was so aggressive and advanced when I started getting symptoms just getting through the first month and squashing it down as far as it has demonstrates that it is responding well to chemo! Yay! And my cot is much better. Organs ok, no dodgy bits and the massive lymph nodes in my chest have resolved. There is still some fluid around the heart but it's getting better again.

Phew!

And I'm wearing proper clothes and shoes!

And I've remembered to take all of my 4 million tablets so far today and et to and from the hospital on my own so clearly my brain still works ok!

I think you have done amazingly and will soon be in remission xx

That's all good biscuits - we are happy that the consultant is neither surprised nor worried - we would, of course, prefer that s/he were gobsmacked with your rapid progress - maybe next week . Enjoy your babies and the sun.

Glad you are happy being home. In my experience there isn't much support for DCs. My older ones are 6 and nearly 4. School have been good, as have my school mum friends, but no other support has been suggested or offered.

So pleased you're home! Enjoy the sunshine!

Biscuits that is all sounding positive. Enjoy your babies.

The return home coupled with desire to clean, tidy & generally restore order all sound v familiar, Biscuits! Mr Fret came close to sending me back to hospital at various points too!

Sounds like a gorgeous day with your lovely family. Really glad to hear the weird feelings are settling; reckon they were v normal & understandable response to hospital institutionalisation & the changes involved in getting home (not to mention what you've been through since you were last at home!). You are sounding so resilient, psychologically...

...and it sounds like physically too! It may not have been the all-clear you (& we) all want so much to hear YET but it sounds to be moving entirely in the right direction. And if the leukaemia was aggressive & densely packed then I guess it can't be a quick-fix. Think of the long game, biscuits. You are getting on top of this thing physically, emotionally, intellectually, and in so many other ways. (You are inspiring so many Mumsnetters in the process too!). I hope you feel as empowered as you should, and deserve to, feel!

I get very emotional when I read your posts. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. Sleep well & enjoy all the cuddles again in the morning.