Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

good luck biscuits.x

Good Luck Biscuits. I have everything crossed for you. xxx

Hope the scans and whatnot are going ok. And that you and weebarra get home on this lovely sunny day

Thinking of you both & hope you get home today.

A big day for the Two Mumsneteers that are Biscuits and weebarra. Hoping you both get home and flump onto your sofas with a blanket and some crappy telly.

Good vibes coming to you from across the Irish Sea.

Aww a tear plopped out of my eye when I read about your idea with your children slowly realising you were in bed with them. Hope it happens. (In this house baby is more likely to thump you one in the boob while latching onto your nose in the dead of night).

good luck biscuits and weebarra xxx

No solid results though the fluid around the heart is a little better and the consultant thinks that there are initial signs the leukaemia might be starting to respond to the chemo.

We will know more tomorrow and I have to go back to the ward for results.

But an early release and im in the car on my way.

Im so excited but so sad. Why does the world look the same? The sky should be black and there should be apocalyptic signs all around. How can the world look this pretty with people living their normal lives when my world has changed so deeply?

Maybe because you're going to beat it?

So glad you escaped! Try to enjoy it

Home? You're going home?

That's wonderful.

Enjoy everything that is normal about being out of hospital. Normal is good. Lack of any apocalypse may be disappointing, but look at it as a good thing for now

Homeward bound biscuits! Whoop, whoop!

Your feelings make perfect sense, but I think it'll do you the world of good to have some of that world-keeps-on-turning normal for now. You're part of that normal too, you know! As Fideline says, perhaps no apocalyptic scenes because you're going to beat this?!

Change at times like these can feel quite scary (& even sad-making) so try not to expect too much of yourself for now. Each moment as it comes. And enjoy being back on the Mothership.

Hugs xo

HUrray! So pleased that you've escaped. It's a beautiful sunny day. Enjoy being at home. Let the sun warm your back!

great news biscuits enjoy home - it will no doubt feel weird as the world has changed for you... but once you are in full recovery this will all seem like a bad dream :-)

My house is so colourful.

I forgot what non hospital colours were like.

You are going home!!!!! Woohoooo!! You are going to beat this! The world looks the same as it has your beautiful family in it...the family you created. Go and give them all a wonderful cuddle.

best thing I've heard all day is that you are home, biscuits

Biscuits amazing news to hear you are home. Fan bloody tastic

Take photos!
Make a video!
Enjoy the bliss of home.
So happy for you.

You went home??? Have been lurking on your thread - awestruck by your bravery. You went home - i have goosebumps. :) Keep going biscuits, you can beat this thing.

You are home?! How marvellous, have a tear in my eye. Enjoy every second.

whoop whoop

I've only lurked on your thread so far but wanted to let you know how pleased I am that you're home :)

Fantastic news! Very bittersweet post and I totally see where you are coming from- after any life changing event it is a sobering thought that life goes on as normal for everyone else. But long after you have beaten this, you - and all of us who are following your journey- will always be very conscious of the fact that someone, somewhere is facing their own new reality so for that-Thank you!

Enjoy your time with your babies x

So glad you are home!

Oh I know that feeling, not for the same reason as you, but when you're going through something massive and life changing and the rest of the world just carries on. How dare it?! But some time in the future you'll be glad of the normality, the humdrum... Dare I say you'll even be glad of the days the kids get on your nerves and the house is a mess.
For now, enjoy snuggling up with your lovely family. If we don't hear much from you at the moment I hope that's because you're enjoying every moment at home. Having said that, you make me smile, you make me think and sometimes you make me laugh out loud with your wit, so I'll look forward to the next update.