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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

Not a good day. leukaemia diagnosis.

975 replies

biscuitsandbandages · 14/04/2014 03:44

When I woke up this morning I was a mum of 3 with an 8 week old baby.

Now im a cancer patient on thr coronary care ward.

This cannot be happening to me.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 02/05/2014 20:22

You'll be there breaking all records in 10 years time - and you'll look back on these wiggly squares and smile!! Smile

Spinaroo · 02/05/2014 20:38

Absolutely, biscuits! You are responding well to treatment so there is no indication there will be problems at this stage for you. Twenty years from now you will be sharing your own pearls of wisdom with others right here!

BehindLockNumberNine · 02/05/2014 22:02

Biscuits, you are doing brilliantly!!
And the wonkiness in the blanket only adds to the story it will tell.

Stay stale xx

HypodeemicNerdle · 02/05/2014 22:15

Gave my very first pint of blood today.
I had a bit of a wobble when I got into the chair, then I thought of you and what you've been through in the last few weeks. If you can be so damn brave and positive then I have no need to be feeling wobbly over giving a bit of blood.
You inspired me to pull up my metaphorical socks and get on with it. I'm already booked in to give my second pint at the beginning of September.
I have no way of knowing where that blood will go or what situation the recipient is in but I sent that blood off with my very best wishes to that person.
I've started knitting recently too and I'm a bit crap, but your blanket will mean so much more than any other blanket because of where it came from

Mama1980 · 02/05/2014 22:19

Yep biscuits, in ten years time you'll be giving advice to others you're doing brilliantly. Wonky squares will tell a better story. Grin
Sleep sweet x

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 02/05/2014 23:39

Whoop whoop hypodeemic! So proud of you and thank you!!!

My baby girl and I had a proper chat today with smiles and everything :-)

It's not about the destination or how long the journey takes..... It's what you do on the way xxx

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 03/05/2014 01:29

Biscuits I think your blanket will become a cherished family heirloom. One day you will wrap a beloved grandchild in it.
Love to think of you and your baby having smiley chats.

Swex · 03/05/2014 04:30

Yay to smiley baby chats!

Spinaroo · 03/05/2014 08:57

Morning Biscuits!

You are sounding positive- hope you have a good day today. Have you visitors coming?

Mumsfret · 03/05/2014 10:00

It's not about the destination or how long the journey takes...It's what you do along the way.

Ah, Biscuits! Never a truer word was spoken. The Power of Now echoes this sentiment (repeatedly). If we focus too intensely on the future (destination) or dwell too much on the past (where we've come from), we forget to inhale the fragrant m beauty of the present moment - and that's what life's all about.

So glad your little one was with you for life-affirming cuddles. You are sounding wonderfully positive.

allisgood1 · 03/05/2014 11:36

How are you today biscuits?

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 03/05/2014 11:48

Good morning!

Well a pretty rubbish night and it turns out I need to have a little chat with one of the junior doctors tomorrow regarding the benefits of writing the right dose!

I'm on industrial level steroid and bone protectors and they eat through my oesophageal if I'm not careful and unfortunately n realised at 2am while in agonising pain that when he rewrote my drug chart yesterday we had the wrong dose of protector tablet. Overnight doctors couldn't correct in case it was a deliberate decision about the chemo but half a fridge of dairy products, copious amounts of gaviscon and a bit of a breakdown later (2am and tired in pain is not a good place for positive thinking) I finally went to sleep.

Still sore but has been corrected on the morning ward round so should be ok today. It's amazing how the small things can make me lose my fragile grip on the future...... But it's not been quite 3 weeks yet so I guess I need to give myself time and patience.

OP posts:
Fideline987654321 · 03/05/2014 13:16

turns out I need to have a little chat with one of the junior doctors tomorrow regarding the benefits of writing the right dose!

Why am I picturing this as a rather menacing little chat "Biscuits Corleone" style? I don't blame you one bit, make sure you are as scary as biscuit can muster Wink

Hope your throat has recovered.

pepperrabbit · 03/05/2014 14:05

How dreadful biscuits Glad they've sorted it out, but what a miserable night.
I'm trying to think of a scary biscuit, Biscuit is as close as I can get!

Swex · 03/05/2014 14:27

HmmNot good. I would be firm with the junior. Hope you feel better today

Panicmode1 · 03/05/2014 17:54

Oh no, how awful for you. Glad it was finally sorted - have been in hospital screaming in pain at 2am on a weekend and know how utterly horrendous that can be when there is only one doctor on call for the whole hospital........Hopefully the junior has learnt a valuable lesson.

Keep knitting those squares.....and stay stale!

Spinaroo · 03/05/2014 19:51

Ooooohh, that's not good! Glad to hear it has been sorted x

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 03/05/2014 20:07

Feeling so full of non directable anger. I cant think I cant do anything. I cant do this.

OP posts:
Rachie1986 · 03/05/2014 20:17

You can biscuits, you can. You can fight this and win. Were all right there with you xx

Fideline987654321 · 03/05/2014 20:17

You can. You have to- your children need you to. Flowers

Besides you are nearly three weeks in already. How long is your chemo cycle due to last? Would some kind of countdown help?

Did the drugs get sorted?

Mumsfret · 03/05/2014 20:30

You have every reason to feel anger, biscuits, but remember these feelings are often intensified by meds & immediate environment. You said you were on steroids? I have been too (still am) & BOY do they affect my mood & make me feel angry.

You are going through so much emotion as well as physical pain. Try to ride out the stormy bits and look forward to the clearer water that lies ahead. Feel the anger, yes, of close, but don't succumb to it. Keep the hope alive. You're doing amazingly well. You'll feel lighter again soon. I am sure of that.

We're all here with you. X

Mumsfret · 03/05/2014 20:31

of course, not of close.

Stupid thumb!

ssd · 03/05/2014 21:15

biscuits, at the start of this thread you couldn't imagine getting through what you've already got through

you must be stronger than you realise

try to draw strength from knowing you have came so far already xxx

ajandjjmum · 03/05/2014 21:24

Wish I had the right words, or could give you some strength, but you know what, you'll do this because you can. Remember we're here for when you need to vent - and are all filled with admiration of how you're holding up.

Love and prayers. xx

Spinaroo · 03/05/2014 21:35

Anger is exactly the right thing to feel! Through no fault of your own you find yourself in this horrendous situation. Cancer can be completely random and without discrimination- and it's turned up at your door. So yes, you're angry- as would I be!

Yet, you're right! Who can you direct this anger towards? You're keeping it together for the medics because you want to listen and do what they say so you csn get home soon. You don't want to direct it towards your family because you're only able to see them or talk to them for a short time each day. I don't know if you're religious but if you are, perhaps you wouldn't want to direct it towards God because you might be bargaining with Him. ( again- what many of us would do).

So who's left? Us- faceless, nameless, ever-present and not easily offended. So fire away- get all your rage, horror and despair out here. We aren't here just to pat you on the back and tell you you're doing great ( although we can do that too) . We're not going anywhere- and it's no more than any of us would do in your situation, you can be sure if that! We're here, we're listening - and we're angry right alongside you!