Transgender child, very offensive dh

[Starlightgazing]

Morning all. When my child was about 13, they came out to me as transgender. We have a fantastic relationship now that they are comfortable in who they are. The issue is my DH of 22 years. Ex military, very strict upbringing. He will sit watching telly, and if there is a same sex couple on an advert or something, there’s comments such as “ ooh, which ones the man, oh, both of them”, or “ oh ffs, here we go again”, or “box ticked”, if there’s a mixed race family or the such. My child will get up and leave the room when he starts on this, as they are offended, but he will then make a comment about that. He just doesn’t get how offensive he is.
The thing is, we have 3 children, and I would love to scream at him that out of his 3 kids, 2 of them aren’t straight and he has no idea.
Also, it’s not my news to tell him, that has to come from my child, but at the moment, they are not comfortable in telling him how they are, due to his disgusting attitude.
I am delighted that they told me, as there were some issues that I could to quite put my finger on, but now I know they are transgender, it explains everything and they are much happier now.
What do I do about my DH? Nothing? Wait for my child to tell him? It’s very hard for me not to just blurt it out! if only for shutting him up.

OP, and anyone else here, please ignore advice on the last post about approaching transgender charities for advice about children. They are not led by safeguarding principles nor the advice of the Cass Review.

The best (most evidence based and safeguarding informed) advice you will find is from Bayswater Support Group.

https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk

I personally have found FB groups of likeminded parents/carers to be the most helpful and supportive!

I would urge you to look outside the bubble of affirming parents. @emcabu

Although I understand why you wouldn't as it must be difficult to be presented with evidence that doesn't accord with your world view.

I find it very concerning that Mermaids have been recommended to you by those places given that they were found to be sending out harmful breast binders (flatteners) to children behind their parents' back.

You do know that the founder took her son to be castrated on his 16th birthday.... a decade or so after her husband said he couldn't bear to have a gay son or a son who plays with 'girls' toys?

P.S Bayswater is not "my" organisation. And I have no connection to it. I just recognise evidence based, sensible advice when I see it.

And having put him on puberty blockers, she then joked about the size of his penis in a video for all to see and hear.

Susie Green, the founder of Mermaids, should be in jail.

I don’t understand how someone cannot notice that their child is ‘transgender’. Does he/ she not have any outward signs, not even usually -associated -with -the -other -sex -clothing? Doesn’t ‘coming out as transgender’ imply , well, it being noticeable in some way?

Thank you for bringing an alternative evidence based perspective.

There is an array of negative health effects associated with chest binding. See here for further info:

https://statsforgender.org/binding/

Out of interest @emcabu , what scaremongering have you encountered?

How can he not see that his child is transgender? Wouldn't there be clues?

There are no transgender children.

Gender is just stereotypes.

Girls can wear what they like, have whatever hobbies they like, be anything they like. The one thing they can’t be is a boy.

And vice versa for boys.

I have a friend who makes comments alot like your husbands comments you have mentioned. His comments stem from the fact that it seems all tv shows and movies have to have a 'hetero couple and a lesbian couple and a gay couple and a disabled person and a black person' in order to be considered appropriate and acceotsble and not to leave any group or minority out. This annoys him. However, he is has a mixed race son and he is in absolutely no way homophonic etc. Is it possible that your husband isn't a either but is just finding it all a bit overwhelming that it's everywhere all of the time?! Might he take it better than you think?

Hear! Hear!

Girls can’t “be a boy”. Humans can’t change sex. Women and girls can change whatever they want about their appearance, but they won’t ever “be a boy”

Oh for god's sake I see the nasty side of MN has charged into a thread about trans people. Shut up you are horrible. Trans people are human beings and trans people exist, get over it.

The reactions to this post seem completely insane. So many people calling for the OP to leave her partner, calling him racist, homophobic etc etc, based on the flimsiest of evidence.

If you read the OP post, her partner says nothing extreme, just mild antagonism towards what he sees on TV. And off he doesn’t like seeing gay people on TV, so what? You’re all so proudly against intolerance, but seemingly can’t abide any viewpoint that differs from your own. Apparently diversity is great, apart from diversity of thought.

I’m gay, and I’d rather spend time with the OP’s partner than the majority of joyless wokescolds wittering on here to ‘protect’ children from a view that differs from their own.

You’d do far better to encourage your kids to argue against him rather than run screaming from a differing opinion.

I agree. I have had relationships with women as well as men but there is a lot of box ticking on tv imo. Why is every single couple in an ad mixed race? I'm the product of such a relationship myself but it's still fairly rare so it seems strange how ubiquitous it is in advertising.

We should all be able to disagree without hysteria imo.

Mermaids were also investigated by the charities commission for safeguarding concerns.

I don't believe people can change sex. I don't think it's helpful to encourage that - it's often routed In homophobia and outdated sex stereotypes

No one has said trans people aren't "human beings" nor that they cease to "exist" because we won't go along with pretending they're the opposite sex.

However it's a completely valid belief based on scientific fact that people cannot change sex

Absolutely true

Nuts that some parents go along with actual childrens claims to be the opposite sex. It's really harmful imo

If it’s a girl wearing baggy tshirts and pants then there would be nothing obvious at all.

Have you read the review by Dr Hilary Cass?
https://cass.independent-review.uk/home/publications/final-report/