Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

Personally, I am not a fan of 50/50 care for very young children, especially because they do not get one home.

However, whatever happens needs to be in the best interest of the child. You are coming across as vindictive. You need a solicitor, who can represent you and put your child's needs clearly.

You have not answered why you are so against your child spending time with his dad.

Ex proposed additional mediation regarding co parenting and communication after our mediation failed. I agreed initially and then pulled out. Will the court find this out?

You sound awful. Poor dad and poor son having you as a mum stopping him having a relationship with his dad. It’s not about you it’s about you son. You only seem to want what is best for you

Why did you pull out of additional mediation?

Isn't your solicitor advising you? I think you need to work on explaining your POV with your DCs best interests at the forefront. If you had come here and said your DC is still breastfeeding at night, struggles to be away from you, Dad isn't hands on, child still very young etc you would have had better advice than saying 'Dad's great but I'm not a fan so I'm punishing them both'. It will be the same in court, let your solicitor guide you on focusing on what is best for your DC.

I would say so. Because the dad would tell them wouldn't he!

I don't find communicating with ex very helpful, so I never wanted to do mediation in the first place. he pushed for this. Son is unsettled more after seeing dad and crys when ex drops him off.and he is still young.

The appropriate way forward would to be to allow your ex to spend more time with your child. If you don't do this then you may find that the court will order far more access than he initially wanted.

It is NOT emotional abuse to disagree with/want to discuss major decisions you appear to be taking for your son

You do not have the right to take sole care of your son. Your son has the right for a relationship with his father. Your ex has equal rights and responsibilities as you do.

You could argue that nursery would be good for your son's development. However, you chose to move 25 miles away so a court could order than he perhaps attends a nursery closer to where your ex lives.

Yes, your ex may tell the court that he offered medialtion but you refused/pulled out.

It is normal for children to be a bit unsettled when they are away from a parent (and that counts for both parents). But that would be the case whether it is nursery or a visit to a non resident parent.

In my experience the court has very little trouble determining who the 'unreasonable' one is, whether they find out the details of the mediation or not. They have no patience with vindictive and unreasonable spouses, and will just decide in the best interests of the child. In your case, given how obviously unreasonable (and seemingly vindictive) you are being, you are likely to get much further in mediation than in court. I would suggest you get advice from a solicitor with some integrity and come to a reasonable arrangement with your ex about your child. He might have broken your heart but that is no reason to do this disservice to your child.

You've got years of co-parenting ahead of you. Without communication is going to be so much harder than it needs to be. Trust me. My ex refused to communicate with me, for no real reason. He's the one that ended the relationship. But then refused to discuss anything. It made the last 15+ years very very hard.

He would have been told by his solicitor that the courts look favourable on those who offer mediation as it shows that it is an adult way to try and reach a compromise.

Have you considered that your son is struggling after spending time with his dad because he’s not getting the chance to spend proper time with his parent? A few hours at the weekend and one overnight a month is not adequate. You wouldn’t settle for spending that little time with child, why should his father?

you will need to find a way to communicate and co parent with your ex, regardless of how difficult or unhelpful you find it.

you need to put your son’s needs ahead of what you want

OP you being extremely vindictive and poisonous. Once you chose to have a child with DP you also chose to put that childs needs before your own. You are simply trying to block his relationship with his DF to satisfy yourself.

You seem confused about how parenting works.

Your son's Dad has the SAME rights as you. So unless you think it would be acceptable for you to have every other weekend then no, it's not likely.

If you think your son would be better off in one home then by all means, suggest your ex has 100% residency.

Don’t be ridiculous.

NO ONE is going to advise you how to alienate another parent.

parental alienation is illegal.

You need to cop on - and fast.

Before your the one seeing him for a few hours at the weekend only

Remember - YOU chose to move 25 miles away. Usually the parent who chooses to move has to put whatever is necessary in place to facilitate the child still seeing the other parent.

Unless you have a valid reason eg your job, you couldn't afford a property i the original area then that will not be looked on favourable as you were the one who took your child away from the area and people they were familiar with.

It feels like the system is against me, 😥, I told ex when we broke up that son could have sleepovers when he was 5 so I have attempted to compromise.

No the system is there to prevent parents like you doing exactly as you are doing and believing you can pay god with your DC and their relationship with the OP.

Then don’t lie and say there was.

You’re not listening!!!

He wants 50/50. It’s always the starting point.

If your ex can manage that and wants that why would a judge say his son cannot see him 50% of the time?

well from this post I hope the father gets more than 50/50…your solicitor is vile and if you agree to that your also vile too

Maybe he’s crying because he doesn’t want to come home to the mum who trying to alienate him from his dad?

OK, so how about you send him to ex for now and start sleepovers with you in 2 years instead? Does that sound fair?

How old is your child and have you ben the primary carer for the child?
Why do you not want 50/50 with your ex?
25 miles is not the ends of the earth tbh.
When you say "emotional abuse" what do you mean specifically?
emotional abuse can be considered domestic violence so perhaps thats why your solicitor mentioned that?
Do you think your ex is a good father to your child generally?

Why don’t you want 50/50 custody? This is usually deemed best for the child.

You should only claim DV if it is true.