Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

For people thinking this is a wind-up, I've watched a male friend go through this, complete with DV accusations (post breakup only), it took the courts to tell her only allowing him 2 days x 4 hours was not reasonable. She genuinely believed she should dictate all the terms.

This is either (hopefully 🤞) a windup.

or you have serious issues (perhaps cognitive?) that make me concerned your tent fit enough to raise a child alone.

I hope this is a wind up. But if not why on earth do you think you have more rights than your ex? He sounds like a good dad and honestly more stable than you. You can’t just “allow” him to have a sleepover at his dad’s. How would you feel if his dad did that to you?

Reverse, surely.

Your child has two parents. You're not the most important parent.

OP, arguing and wanting to discuss decisions isn’t emotional abuse. I’m not surprised you don’t have evidence because it would seem that it didn’t happen. From what you’ve said, it seems as though your DC’s father is acting reasonably and you’re trying to stop him from seeing his child. It may be horrible for you when your DC is away: have you thought it’s just as horrible for his father? You’re being very unreasonable. As for “Ex proposed additional mediation regarding co parenting and communication after our mediation failed. I agreed initially and then pulled out. Will the court find this out?”, of course they will, because your ex will tell them that he tried mediation and you wouldn’t have it. I’m sorry, OP, but you are being very selfish - your ex is just as much your DC’s parent as you are.

No way this is a serious thread 🤣

OP, on the off chance this is real then get a bloody grip. He’s not YOUR child he is the child of you and his father equally. You should be thrilled that he wants more contact, which is best for the child, rather than swanning off being an awful father. Your child probably cries when he is returned because he misses his dad.

If you are indeed real, then you are an incredibly selfish and stupid mother.

Your replies need to either quote or tag whoever you're replying to.

The system is rightly on the side of your child's rights. The father sounds good, not sure why you think you have a type of ownership on your shared kid.

That is not compromise. You feel as if the system is against you because you're in the wrong and what you're doing isn't right.

I speak as a mother who has 50/50 shared custody of my daughter. Do I like it? No. But my child deserves to have a relationship with her father, regardless of my feeling towards him.

ETA - When you become a parent you should put your child first. This isn't about what's best for you, it's about what is best for your child.
I would like to move to a different area, but unfortunately our co-parenting relationship would be very difficult if I did. So for now I have to stay put, because that's in the best interests of my child. You needs to start considering your child in this, and stop making it about your feelings and your broken heart.

This is clearly a reverse

This could be a reverse but then again there are some very spiteful women who believe only they have the right to make decisions about the child.

i know of one mother who lied in court that she had been subjected to abuse & yet she had no evidence. She even went so far as to say she had logged it with the Police but when CAFCASS checked there was no report.

So go ahead & lie and when they uncover your lies it will not look good for you! I hope the ex is awarded permanent residency no child deserves the mind games you will play..

@Lifeislong1 I'm going to say this as simply as possible.

You left.
You moved a distance away.
You are allowing minimal contact.
Your dc's father wants more.
You opted out of mediation.

Court will not give you what you want.
If not 50/50 as dc is little, I imagine at least EOW and one overnight in the week for now and increasing as he gets older.

You need to change your mindset to accept the reality of separated parenting. It's about the child, not what you want.

I struggled to be without my child, and I still miss him when he is with his dad (its been five years). Trust me, many of us understand how hard it is to be away from your child, especially one who is only a toddler. However, you just have to learn to let go, as it is in the best interests of your child to have both parents play a full role in their lives. You will also come to appreciate the child-free time.

If you engage constructively in mediation (through your solicitor if you do not find it easy to communicate) you are far more likely to have a say in the plans that ensue. The system is not against you, it is for the child. What you and your ex agreed to when you broke up, if it is not deemed in the best interests of the child, will not hold sway over a judge.

What you need to realise, and I mean to be as sensitive as I can be given your posts, is that your child needs his father as much as he needs his mother. He will already be distressed at not seeing his father every day as he used to - you say you cannot bear the thought of not seeing your son every day, that’s precisely how your son is feeling right now.
By moving so far away you have made it difficult for your ex to see his son frequently and you are being obstructive for more contact. My advice is for you to come to a fair equal arrangement whereby your son spends equal times with his father, find yourself a job, move closer to your ex so that things like nursery pick ups and drop offs are easy for both of you and work on building a positive Co-parenting arrangement. Your son will thank you for it as he gets older.

Nobody in their right mind will tell you how to prevent your DS from spending time with his father!

I do feel some real valid points about approach and I may have not approached this situation well. Would suggesting further mediation be appropriate, maybe this would reduce contact?

Of course it won’t reduce contact. Your son needs and deserves to be with his dad.

how are you not listening to what people are telling you?

Ex did suggest both living near to each other in the middle to mediator, said would be good son. I wouldn't want to do this as I don't drive

So how are you facilitating contact? The onus is on you to travel as you moved away.

The only person who wants reduced contact is you and you are being utterly unreasonable about it.

You have to understand that what you or your ex want is largely irrelevant. Your son deserves to see his dad more.

No mediation won't cut contact nor will the court. It would be fundamentally unfair to do so. You need to stop fighting this

You seem to reject anything fair or appropriate. You want everything your way. That is not how this works.

My ex does drive, so he picks him up.

Your Solicitor appears to have breached the Solicitors Code of Conduct and should be reported for it

Yes but you’re ignoring the fact he doesn’t have to. The court could order that you have facilitate the contact or financially provide towards it.

And no, mediation won’t help you reduce his contact. Hopefully it’ll give you someone experienced to help you realise that he’s both of your child and you don’t have any legal right to dictate to your ex how much contact he has.

There’s honestly no hope for you, and by that, your child, if this is how you’re approaching the situation!

you cannot and should not reduce contact between your child and his father!
mediation won’t do that, nor will avoiding mediation!

I almost want to recommend you continue as you are and hope you’re ex will be awarded with resident parent status, because you are doing your child serious harm!