Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

Is there DC? Normally 50/50 split is preferred

The likelihood is that 50/50 is the starting point. Only letting your DS stay with his father overnight once a month will go against you and is detrimental to your DS (unless your ex has proved to be an unsuitable parent).
I’m surprised at your solicitor suggesting you claim DV has occurred. If it has, do you have evidence? Police reports? Evidence of injuries or coercive controlling behaviour?
Honestly, you need to get used to the idea that your DS has as much right to see his father as frequently as he sees you.

You've moved 25 miles away, which has deliberately made it more difficult for your ex to see his child and you're only allowing that for a daytime at weekends and overnight once a month? How on earth can you think that's a fair arrangement. Are you aware that your son deserves a close bond with his father for his own wellbeing? If you have gone out of your way to cause an obstruction, then I wouldn't be surprised if a court looked more favourably on him rather than you.

As to the solicitor suggesting DA (if there's nothing to substantiate it), words fail me.

Thanks all, I put down emotional abuse, but this is also unsubstantiated. No domestic abuse, he has pushed for more.contact, however if he has more than 8 hours it effects son going to bed. Ex has changed his work schedule to allow me to go back to work part time and care for child, I have not taken up this offer. I am worried that he will eventually get the child to the extent that he ends up living with him. I have not been able to return to work as a result of the nursery not enrolling him as.fathermcontactedmthrm afternoon enrolled him and my reluctance to allow ex to look after him instead.

Doesn't sound good, even your phrasing of "allowing".

Your child's father is right to push for more care and I would prepare for this to be granted. I would also be mindful of avoiding parental alienation.

I know it must be hard and I dont know your circumstances but your child is entitled to a steafy relationship with their father and it sounds like he is actively willing to pursue that.

Why shouldnt your ex look after their child and why have you refused?

It all sounds a bit worrying and frankly a bit like you have concerns over your own situation, I've never heard someone say they're worried about their child living full time with their dad. All the blocking of his attempts to provide care and moving away is a bit of a red flag too

Are there actually any historical or current issues with your ex that make you worry about the safety of your son and his wellbeing while in his dad’s care? Was there actually abuse/DV in your relationship? Or are you just stopping/limiting contact because he MIGHT end up having your child full time?

Was there DV?

I’m not sure if it’s because your posts aren’t very clear, but you’re not coming across well in your posts at all.

Just to clarify father told me he objected and got a solicitor to outline this in letter

No domestic violence

This is really sad
For the child

It really sounds like you just don't want him to spend an ok amount of time with his dad. For no actual reason.

So there’s no domestic abuse yet you’re even remotely considering claiming DV?!? And you admit you put down emotional abuse but it’s unsubstantiated? You’re being completely unfair (to put it as mildly as I can). From what you’ve said, there’s nothing wrong at all with your ex as a parent and he very much wants a relationship with his child, to the extent that he’s changed his work so that he can look after him. You can’t deny him that. Understand this - you are NOT the default parent, you both have equal entitlement to time and a relationship with your child, and you should WANT this for your child! Let him see his father and stop being awful. Sorry to put it bluntly OP.

So you lied? That's awful.
The court will expect you to facilitate proper shared care. You cannot hoard your child.

The court won’t look favourably on you for withholding the child.

50/50 care is normal these days and you have no reason to object to it.

if you are discovered lying on your court papers this could further go against you.

you need to be a grown up and accept that the child as a right to their father and vice versa. It’s in best the childs best interest.

your ex clearly has a solicitor who knows what they are doing. If yours is advising you to lie, you don’t have a good solicitor acting in your interests

think about that.

Have you heard of parental alienation?

This what you’re doing and judges will not tolerate it anymore.

So he takes you to court for 50/50.
That’s the standard and preferred share care arrangement.

The judge gets told that you lived 25 miles away without informing your DP and took his child with you. It’s his child as well as yours. He wants 50/50 but you allow 8 hours every weekend and 1 overnight. He’s offered to change work hours so you can work more to financially provide better for your child. You’ve refused. He’s been proactive in looking for nurseries.

And a judge, faced with all this - hasn’t make a decision on the child’s best best interests and who has the child’s best interest at heart.

O think you’re right to worry he’ll award the father primary care.

Look - it’s difficult. Nobody wants to have their child 50% of the time. We don’t have children to see them half their childhood. But that’s what happens when a relationship ends. All the time you try and alienate the other parent who’s willing and wants to do 50% of the parenting you are making this harder.

So whilst in have every empathy for you you are going about this the wrong way.

Well good, he obviously wants contact with his son. If you’re not working how are you funding things?

I didn't put done DV, just emotional abuse, we did argue and he would want to discuss decisions. It was difficult.

Compromise with him. Save your nursery money

Many break ups are difficult

It isn't about that now.
It's about your child seeing his dad

This is a piss-take, right?

Please tell me this is a piss-take.

This also crossed my mind but I answered as if it's genuine just in case

It would be better if he's in nursery here and I can look after him the rest of the time. It's horrible when he's away.

And how do you think his dad feels when he barely gets to see him.

he absolutely should take this to mediation and push for more contact with his child

That says more about you, not prioritising your dc needs. Unless there are safeguarding concerns in relation to your dc you cannot prevent access. Once dc is school age things will need to change again .

Mediation.broke down and I filed before mediation as I'm on unpaid leave and having to pay for nursery that ds isn't attending