Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

YABVU. Doesn't sound like the emotional abuse is coming from the father.

OP how did your rx break your heart?

Why are so you against your ex spending time with his dad?

Can I also very gently suggest that from your posts OP it does sound like you are depressed. Please see your GP and get help with this.

You need to find the best way forward for you and your son. He cannot be used as a pawn between you and your ex.

Why are so you against your son spending time with his dad?

Your current path is likely to result in your ex being the primary residential parent and you getting limited visitation.

You need a better solicitor. One who will help you navigate the legal system honestly and be frank with you about your situation.

Everything you have written here paints the picture of a father doing all the right things. He should be adjusting his work schedule. He should want as much parenting time as possible.

In this situation, you are the problem.

It was frustrating towards the end. Will the court definitely go for ex looking after son rather than nursery? It would mean son staying with ex during half the week

Lets hope so!! 50/50 custody will be great for the kid :)

Why are you so against your son spending time with his dad?

Would a court think it better that a child spends time with their father rather than in a nursery? Do you really need to ask?

@Lifeislong1 please be careful here. This is a child's life you're messing with. And FWIW my ex broke my heart. DS is the spitting image of him, to the extent that when I dock through photos I do a double take. (DS is the age his dad was when I met him). None of that gives me the right to try and prevent them having a relationship.

And a cautionary tale.
My friend and her DP split up. She worked part time so she could fit it around their child. He went for 50/50 custody and won. As he needed to put the child in nursery on "his" days, court ordered that the child went full time. Parents pay half each, so she has to send him to nursery even when she's at home. Or pay for the place anyway.

The court will opt for 50/50 shared care. Whether your ex sends him to nursery or prefers to have him himself on those days is entirely up to him.

you need to think longer term for schools and how would will share custody whilst sustaining healthy routine for him.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Yes of course they will OP. Why wouldn’t they?

No because it isn’t in the interests of your son.

you’re being vindictive by saying he can’t see his son because he broke your heart! Your relationship with your ex is separate from your son’s relationship with his dad

and, FWIW, my sister in law experienced DV with her ex and he has their children 5 nights out of 14 (Wed over night, Fri - Sunday one week, the Wed and Thurs overnight the next week)

50/50 is your starting point, every other weekend plus one evening each week is typically the next level down. Negotiating an in between point of child contact and getting some hobbies is the long term solution

Is it not better for some to have one home. He still breastfeeds at night sometimes

Probably yes

The poster wrote DC instead of DV.

what exactly are you telling the OP to “build a case” if? Him wanting to spend time and look after his child?

Well yes, that would be ideal. But your son’s parents aren’t together so that’s not possible. so he would have 2 homes, one with each parent.

and I’m fairly sure, as he past weaning age, the “sometimes breastfed” wouldn’t hold much weight as it’s not a necessity at his age.

I am currently waiting for a court date to get my ex out of the house. I have police records, school reports, GP reports and many witness statements about how violent and abusive he was to me.
However he isn’t abusive to the children and once court is over and he’s moved out (hopefully) I will still allow 50/50. This may mean ex has to work with a social worker and other professionals, maybe some parenting classes.
But he is their dad.

You have NO reasons to stop your ex seeing his son, especially when he’s making a lot of effort to do so.

Is it likely that ex may only get every other weekend.rather than half the.week.every week.if he's got permission to go part time.

It’s best for your child to have equal access to both parents, that’s nothing to do with being in one house.

How old is your ds - you just say ‘a toddler’.

You are behaving very badly in deliberately stopping your ex from reasonable access to his son. This includes moving your son 25 miles away without discussing it, or agreeing it with your ex, only allowing one overnight per month etc. You are putting your own needs first, rather than your son’s. The courts will look very poorly on this

Your ex has changed his working pattern to facilitate you working. That’s exactly what you need to do. That, and urgently attending mediation together to try and reach a reasonable arrangement to allow the child to see his father as much as he sees you.

No one can tell you what is likely, each case is different. I know families who have split weeks, I also know one family who do 1 week on, 1 week off (but their kids are older)

it is entirely up to the judge you meet in family court and what is presented to him