My ex will not return my son

[Sunrisesmile]

My ex and I have a son, we both have parental responsibility and my ex has him every weekend, a couple of weeks ago I dropped my son off at his dad's on Friday evening as usual and went away on holiday without him agreeing to have our son for me to go away, I texted him the following day to let him know I was on holiday and would not be returning to the following week now he will not return my son, where do I stand

What a horrible mother. All she has to do is if she has an event to organise things with you. The child will feel abandoned by his mother.

Its hard to judge.

if you have refused to have your child during thr week because you work, then actually I have some sympathy with the mum here. Why is it her job to be prime parent and rely on favours which do not sound forthcoming and offered freely. Maybe if you split working hours she could get a job? Going for full residence is a kind of nuclear option which is sometimes used to punish women for their supposed sins. I find it telling that you haven’t said you will adapt your working hours to look after your child - but will instead rely on family help. From females, yes?

RTFT

The father is the OP.
You're addressing the mother, who is not, as far as we know, on this thread.

I take it you wrote "Post deleted" yourself?

What have I just read, so you abandoned your son for an entire week without even communicating so your ex is now preventing you from doing anything further and you’re mad. You should never have done this in rhe first place. Is this even a real persons post

For those who haven’t read all thr op posts:

op is the dad
first post was pretending to be the mum
subsequent posts it transpired he was the person the child was dropped off to
we don’t know why the mum decided to drop the child off and go on holiday
we don’t know how willing the dad was to accommodate perfectly normal requests between separated parents for individual child free holiday time
the OP seems to want full time residence of the child as he can offer more stability and has people who will help him with childcare
the mum doesn’t work and there is the suggestion that her time is therefore less important and less valuable.
This guy could be a saint and the mum a complete horror. We won’t ever know based on disingenuous posting and the fact there’s no receipts online.
Think that’s about it.

I find it telling that you haven’t said you will adapt your working hours to look after your child - but will instead rely on family help. From females, yes?

Well, naturally. I doubt if he'd interrupt his working week to care for his child.

That'll be why the mother left the child with him to go on holiday. It was the only way she could get one, because he refused to look after the boy during the week.

No. It’s not a real person post in the sense the OP has said he was pretending to be the mum.
Bait and switch is not evidence of anything - including alleged bias against dads.

So she has no job
all school hours alone
every weekend free

but the poor woman has to lie to get a holiday

i am a wonan, the bias against men on here is pathetic

and I have seen plenty of self absorbed, lazy, selfish mums do what this mum has

why on earth would he have to arrange childcare to work when in theory the mum can have the capacity with no job?

its unbelievable that you still think this mum is right

Well, given we don’t know the age of the child it is quite a stretch to say she has all school hours alone.

Presumably she is … caring for a small child? If not, and she is receiving benefits, then the child is disabled. You know how benefits work, right? You don’t get to endlessly claim benefits because you have sole care of a child and just fancy remaining workless until then turn 18 …

The mum is not the default parent.

But as I said, no-one on here can really judge what’s gone on here. Too much missing information and reverse pretending nonsense.

It's unbelievable that you still think this mum is right

I think the point is that we only know one side of this. His.

Men and women can both be good or bad parents-please don't feel you are, or should be, judged for your gender. I have quite a few friends who are great single parents-some are women-and some are men. There are as many good men as women, and I'm so sorry for you and your son.

Why on earth would he have to arrange childcare to work when in theory the mum can have the capacity with no job?

Maybe the mother is tired, wants a holiday and the OP has refused to look after the child while she has one.

Whoever is right or wrong here, you need to get some good legal advice OP. That's the only way to resolve this.

From the sound of your wife's post, it would have been nice if you could have had your child for the week, so she could still take her older child on holiday as previously arranged. Do you ever have your child a full week?

However, if it's as you describe, and this happens regularly and for parties at drop off time, then I understand why you are where you are.

Go see a lawyer.

Yes. I changed my mind about posting, but of course there's no way of deleting your own post, so I just deleted the text.

Not sure we are Mumsnet vipers but I admit I will sometimes tend to side with the mums but when it’s out and out outrageous behaviour like the OP’s ex has displayed NO WAY!
good luck to the OP, most consistent and competent parent should have child bulk of time, whatever gender they are

No the mother did. The Op is the dad

Oh I would be bashing her, selfish madam. She has put herself and her chance to get pissed in the sun before her child and is now wondering why you don't think she is fit to care for him.
I hope you get full custody of your lovely boy. He is lucky to have a dad like you.

Have not RTFT but OP updates.
On the face of it, she isn't being at all fair to your son. How old is he by the way?

But also, I do have some sympathy for her. If you have him every weekend when you can actually have fun together, and she has the "joy" of school runs, dinners, homework and bed times you really cannot say you aren't a part time parent. Have you ever offered to have him during the week so she could go away? Especially during the holidays why have you not been asking to have him more?

If you wrote the words "I made a mistake" it would say that.

This should be entitled 'I abandoned my son at his dad's. Now his dad is not allowing me access' wtaf.

@Sunrisesmile you make your own bed...

From the sound of your wife's post, it would have been nice if you could have had your child for the week, so she could still take her older child on holiday as previously arranged. Do you ever have your child a full week?

Where is his wife's post?

Where have you extrapolated an older child?

She has reaped what she has sown.
Silly woman.

You do right to keep hold of the boy, I hope you get residency.

I mean, based on your replies, you are.