My ex will not return my son

[Sunrisesmile]

My ex and I have a son, we both have parental responsibility and my ex has him every weekend, a couple of weeks ago I dropped my son off at his dad's on Friday evening as usual and went away on holiday without him agreeing to have our son for me to go away, I texted him the following day to let him know I was on holiday and would not be returning to the following week now he will not return my son, where do I stand

What bullshit. You would have had good faith support and advice. Now you have a lot of irritated women. Well done - you confirmed your own bias. I am a social worker and could have given you decent advice but I'll not bother because your anti woman bias is tedious. Pay for a lawyer.

Post deleted

So you couldn’t have him during the week because you have to work, but you expect her to have him all week? And he’d be better off with you and her seeing him sometimes but also you can’t have him during the week because you have to work…?

@SunrisesmileDespite your concerns the MN collective takes a very dim view of behaviour like this regardless of which parent is guilty of it.

In the circumstances you describe I’d absolutely keep your child with you and go to court.

The lack routine is really bad for your child and yes, they need stability and not a flaky mother chasing the next night out/holiday over her parental responsibilities.

My only caveat is how your child feels about all this. Would they be happier living with you?

Also the court will still want to see contact with both parents so what proposition will you go to court with?

How is she a deadbeat if she still has the child a lot more than you do?

I can see the other side here, maybe she just wants a more equal split but she sees you as unreasonable because you're saying 'I'll take weekends or I want him full time'?

A friend of mine actually did similar and when it went to court the judge said that she's entitled to go on holiday. My friends ex would say the 'I'll take them full time' as well whenever she asked him to take the kids a bit extra, she didn't want to give up custody, she just wanted him to do a more fair share.

Stopping your son from seeing/ living with his mum - is NOT being a good dad.

Sigh….ok then she needs to agree a different split of residency (which according to the OP she doesn’t want as it will impact her financially).

She also needs to give due notice.

No problem going on holiday but you don’t just dump and run.

Sounds to me likes she’s a piece of work, wanting the “nights” in her favour for max CSA contributions whilst regularly expecting her ex to fulfill a much higher level of childcare than is on record - often at very late notice.

Aside from being a PITA for the OP to mange it risks his job security, which is not in the child’s best interests and most importantly means the child has noset routine/security with a mum who fucks off whenever a better offer than being a parents comes her way.

Sigh….ok then she needs to agree a different split of residency (which according to the OP she doesn’t want as it will impact her financially).

She also needs to give due notice.

No problem going on holiday but you don’t just dump and run.

Sounds to me likes she’s a piece of work, wanting the “nights” in her favour for max CSA contributions whilst regularly expecting her ex to fulfill a much higher level of childcare than is on record - often at very late notice.

Aside from being a PITA for the OP to mange it risks his job security, which is not in the child’s best interests and most importantly means the child has noset routine/security with a mum who fucks off whenever a better offer than being a parents comes her way.

Read the posts. He doesn’t want to stop contact. He wants a more stable arrangement with his child spending most of the time with him because of the stability his mother is failing to provide.

Quite right too.

No idea where you stand in a legal position but I do think you were irresponsible and selfish to go on holiday without informing your ex beforehand. I feel so sorry for the poor child being used as ammunition for you two to spar off one another! Disgraceful behaviour………and people wonder why children get taken into care!

Absolute rubbish. The resident mumsnet vipers will always take the mums side, just look at some of the replies on here.

The child was abandoned by the mother with no notice and some posters are questioning why the dad only has the child at the weekend! Disgusting.

It sounds like he wants the child full time or most of the time, maybe if he offered something with a more equal split she would be ok with it.
Maybe it's not about the benefits at all and she doesn't want to just be a weekend parent, she just wants it to be a bit more equal.

Agree. It's like they think shit mums don't exist.

It’s irrelevant if it’s a reverse post, any op that wrote they had their child for usual contact, who was then not collected by the other parent as scheduled because they had gone on holiday without any notice or prior discussion should get the support of any sensible parent….
imagine how the child must feel to have not been collected, I’m sure the parent that has been left with the child unexpectedly has now the nightmare of trying to arrange childcare unexpectedly because of working etc
Op, it probably wasn’t the best way to go about explaining your situation, but dads do seem to get a bashing on a lot of posts so I can see why.
If it’s any help to you my parents had shared parental responsibility for me and my siblings were brought up by my Dad when it became clear my mum couldn’t cope….
Put your son first and if your ex is genuinely as flaky as you’ve made her out to be then it’s probably it best he resides primarily with you.

Maybe because we have heard the dads tell their version of events before and they're similar to the OPs version but they're not exactly facts either.

I could see my friends ex posting this exact post because it's what he tells himself and what he told my friend and what he told the court, but it wasn't the full story at all.

If only the was an eye roll emoji

Dick.

I would love to hear mum's side, as this reads like one side of a complicated situation.

Just FYI, it isn't.

we only have one side here but from what’s posted she doesn’t work. He has the child every weekend and on top of that she regularly does a no notice disappearing act so he has to pick up the pieces.

She has every weekend to herself and given the child is at school (as referenced by the OP) most of every day of the week.

So why wouldn’t the OP want his child most of the time?

He could at least get proper wrap around childcare in place re: his job without being left to juggle with virtually no notice.

Child can still see mum, but if she’s the one with weekend access, if she flakes out then the father is still there to look after him.

There’s really no defending her behaviour.

She sounds like a real POS who wants the kid just for the benefits. Go for full custody, she doesnt really want the kid anyway & it will become obvious to the kid as gets older that his mother abandons him to go on holiday

You need legal support to go to court to get majority residency.

Because he's not in a position to look after him most of the time, he said his family would be doing it.

Why does it have to go from weekends to most of the time, maybe he could try an arrangement that was more equal first?

It's MN. He is right.

Parents have the right to choose whatever childcare they need. Decisions about a child's residency dont come down to whether a family care arrangement is in place or not.