Page 8 | My ex will not return my son

Mustbethat · 14/08/2025 22:43

MCF86 · 14/08/2025 22:32

Have not RTFT but OP updates.
On the face of it, she isn't being at all fair to your son. How old is he by the way?

But also, I do have some sympathy for her. If you have him every weekend when you can actually have fun together, and she has the "joy" of school runs, dinners, homework and bed times you really cannot say you aren't a part time parent. Have you ever offered to have him during the week so she could go away? Especially during the holidays why have you not been asking to have him more?

Probably because most people can’t just take weeks off work for school holidays. And it’s less relevant then because no one needs to do school runs so it makes no difference whether she has him weekdays or weekends, where it does to o/p as he is the one who works.

if she wants less “school run” time and more “fun” time why has she ditched him in the school holidays to go away without him?

NotAtMyAge · 14/08/2025 22:44

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/08/2025 22:35

If you wrote the words "I made a mistake" it would say that.

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I know it would, because the words showing now are the words I typed. "Post deleted." 😉

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/08/2025 22:44

NotAtMyAge · 14/08/2025 22:44

I know it would, because the words showing now are the words I typed. "Post deleted." 😉

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Sorry!
🤣

ThatCyanCat · 14/08/2025 22:45

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 14/08/2025 22:42

I mean, based on your replies, you are.

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I am what?

isthatmyage · 14/08/2025 22:46

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NotAtMyAge · 14/08/2025 22:46

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/08/2025 22:44

Sorry!
🤣

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😂😂I think we'd better leave it there. Bedtime for me. 😀

Sodastreamin · 14/08/2025 22:51

@SunrisesmileThe proper process in this situation would be to raise concerns about the mother’s suitability via social services and then contact a solicitor/apply to court for a CAO but you need to do this tomorrow morning. BEFORE she starts her own proceedings and I cannot stress this enough, OP. Doing this after she has reacted, will not carry anywhere near the same weight as it would do if you do it before she gets back. It’s the difference between the Judge seeing you as a Father who immediately took proactive action to go about this the right way and the Judge seeing you as playing games with the mother.

User37482 · 14/08/2025 22:53

I tend to side with women but OP’s ex is awful. I would be trying for full custody.

Sodastreamin · 14/08/2025 22:55

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I beg your pardon? So that’s how you see anyone & everyone who claims benefits, is it?
I’m severely disabled and unable to work. At all. I wish I bloody could I lost my entire career to this illness and spend my days ruled by controlled medication and often being unable to even sit up. Yet you think people like me are “sucking this country dry…….. Wow. Thanks a lot….

ImustLearn2Cook · 14/08/2025 23:11

@Sunrisesmile I am not going to write a post supporting you in parental alienation regardless if you were the mum or the dad!

Children love both parents and have the basic human right to have a relationship with both parents. Unless they are in actual danger from genuine abuse.

You are basically asking a forum to justify you punishing your ex and your child because she went on holiday and put you in the position of having to parent on weekdays and do school runs. She is unemployed so let’s hold that against her too. None of this justifies parental alienation.

Also, your current arrangement is you have every weekend and the mum has every weekday where she does the school runs, doesn’t see dc all day, school pick up, maybe have some time for short fun activity, school homework, dinner, bath, bedtime.

So you get the fun, easier part of parenting and she is left with all the responsibilities and hard work. Now you want to punish her for tricking you into doing some of the harder weekday parenting responsibility while she took a short holiday!

There are women escaping domestic violence and extreme violence and abuse being made to share custody with the man who beat the crap out of them and threatened to kill them and being accused of parental alienation simply for wanting to protect their children from violence. And you want to even the score for men by claiming you are justified in keeping your dc away from their mother over something nowhere near the as bad as the actions of deadbeat dads and abusive men? Really?

4forksache · 14/08/2025 23:13

Good luck op? Although definitely think of how things will affect ds. This should be about him, not you or her.

WellIquitelikesprouts · 14/08/2025 23:14

For sure your ex behaved badly by leaving your son with you for a week without prior agreement, but think about how upset your son will be not to be with his mum for so long so unexpectedly. The solution is not to just keep him.

dementedmummy · 14/08/2025 23:26

Sunrisesmile · 14/08/2025 14:54

My ex and I have a son, we both have parental responsibility and my ex has him every weekend, a couple of weeks ago I dropped my son off at his dad's on Friday evening as usual and went away on holiday without him agreeing to have our son for me to go away, I texted him the following day to let him know I was on holiday and would not be returning to the following week now he will not return my son, where do I stand

Since this is now a reverse sue for sole custody. Then child is on your terms permanently

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/08/2025 23:34

Hi op, how confusing and upsetting this must be for your son thinking his mum has fallen off the planet. A drastic change shouldn’t be made, you should go to mediation and ask for more nights with you and change it round if needed. A mediator will also tell her off for her unreliability.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/08/2025 23:38

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/08/2025 22:38

From the sound of your wife's post, it would have been nice if you could have had your child for the week, so she could still take her older child on holiday as previously arranged. Do you ever have your child a full week?

Where is his wife's post?

Where have you extrapolated an older child?

someone’s linked to another thread early on. Basically the holiday was booked as a family, mum wanted to take the big kid as he’d been promised and was excited but didn’t think she could manage the 2 year old too on her own and this would mean the big kid couldn’t go on the rides etc. I think op is probably not the big kids dad or he probably would have been nicer and more understanding.

Lonelyumbrella · 14/08/2025 23:38

I lost my children for months because my ex refused to give the children back to me. Everyone on here thought I was withholding information. I wasn’t. I got them back through a magistrate’s court since he would not show up at family court whenever I put an application in. The police are not interested or social services. It is a civil matter that only the courts can solve.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 14/08/2025 23:44

Better he stays there

Maxorias · 15/08/2025 00:14

I agree it was an idiotic thing to do and OP did not show herself to be a good parent. But can I point out that dads pull this sort of crap all the time ?

Not saying this is right, just pointing out the double standard.

Anyway OP, you fucked up big time, if you still want to see your son you need to go to court asap, but also consider whether your being in his life actually is in his best interest if you'll drop him like a hot potatoe the moment he is inconvenient to you. You could just have taken him with you...

Maxorias · 15/08/2025 00:19

Just seen it's a reverse, guess I wasted my advice.

You just wasted everyone's time as the advice we would give the mom isn't the same advice we'd give you.

Anyway, here's my advice to you : don't return him until there's been a hearing in court.

When in court, think about what the best outcome would be for your child, not you.

MrsSunshine2b · 15/08/2025 00:20

Testerical · 14/08/2025 21:13

Its hard to judge.

if you have refused to have your child during thr week because you work, then actually I have some sympathy with the mum here. Why is it her job to be prime parent and rely on favours which do not sound forthcoming and offered freely. Maybe if you split working hours she could get a job? Going for full residence is a kind of nuclear option which is sometimes used to punish women for their supposed sins. I find it telling that you haven’t said you will adapt your working hours to look after your child - but will instead rely on family help. From females, yes?

She could also get a job in the current arrangement on Saturdays and Sundays. Everything OP says indicates that she sees those days as her fun days to go drinking.

Anyway, the child is staying with his Dad now so Mum can work as many days as she likes.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/08/2025 00:20

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/08/2025 23:38

someone’s linked to another thread early on. Basically the holiday was booked as a family, mum wanted to take the big kid as he’d been promised and was excited but didn’t think she could manage the 2 year old too on her own and this would mean the big kid couldn’t go on the rides etc. I think op is probably not the big kids dad or he probably would have been nicer and more understanding.

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I don't think it's the same family.

The OP of the linked thread didn't mention being on benefits and she also said they had the 2 year old 50/50.

2 year olds don't go to school, either.

She also said that her ex didn't pay maintenance.

It's a different person.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:28

Sunrisesmile · 14/08/2025 16:42

If I posted this as a dad you would not of had a problem with her doing what she has done and if it was the other way round I'd be a dead beat dad, I want honest opinions from honest people, thank you for your time

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Utter and complete nonsense. Mumsnet, if anything, favours MRAs like you.

If you cannot make an argument with the honest facts you are indeed being manipulative and underhanded.

Based on what you have said it sounds like you are in the right about wanting to provide stability to the child and go to court to argue this - but you have already painted yourself as an unreliable narrator who does not want honest opinions but opinions based on a fable you've invented, and for that reason nobody can really give a fair opinion.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:32

Maxorias · 15/08/2025 00:19

Just seen it's a reverse, guess I wasted my advice.

You just wasted everyone's time as the advice we would give the mom isn't the same advice we'd give you.

Anyway, here's my advice to you : don't return him until there's been a hearing in court.

When in court, think about what the best outcome would be for your child, not you.

This.

sandyhappypeople · 15/08/2025 00:45

Sunrisesmile · 14/08/2025 18:15

I'm not bashing his mum, I can offer my son more stability and she can still see him, I'm not trying to stop her

OP's previous comment from 3 weeks ago:

How does it work the other way when a dad has his son every weekend. He works full time Mon to Friday and spends every weekend with his son willingly. The mum wants to go away for the week but doesn't want to take the son, and the dad has no annual leave to take and tells her this, she drops him at his dad's on Friday and when the dad drops him back Sunday evening she's not there and has gone away on holiday, where does the dad stand ?

Your credibility is pretty poor to be honest OP. You knew about this holiday, REFUSED to have him, refused to take annual leave (why not take parental leave instead?) and she went ahead and did it anyway, it's not quite the same as you being blindsided by it, if this is from 3 weeks ago, what did you do and where is your son now?

It's definitely not right, but I think you should have posted from an honest point of view to begin with, as it begs the question, why are you not prepared to take any annual leave/parental leave during the school holidays to spend with your son anyway (regardless of what his mum is doing/planning)? How can you say you can offer him stability if you won't even take any time off during the holidays to spend time with him? And you've already said that you struggle to take him to school in the mornings as it interferes with your work.

Fobbing him off on your family for childcare is not stability and is not a solution, by all means go to court, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, being angry at her for wanting to go on holiday and for going out with her friends is nothing to do with you and nothing to do with what is best for him, it just sounds like you are trying to exert some control of what she does by pretending you have no flexibility, when you obviously do.. surely any time she would ask you to see more of him should be a blessing not an inconvenience, and any normal parent would jump at the chance??

If your job is so inflexible that you genuinely can't even handle getting him to school on a Monday, with notice the evening before (the reason is irrelevant), then you don't seem the best person to have him during school time.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:51

sandyhappypeople · 15/08/2025 00:45

OP's previous comment from 3 weeks ago:

How does it work the other way when a dad has his son every weekend. He works full time Mon to Friday and spends every weekend with his son willingly. The mum wants to go away for the week but doesn't want to take the son, and the dad has no annual leave to take and tells her this, she drops him at his dad's on Friday and when the dad drops him back Sunday evening she's not there and has gone away on holiday, where does the dad stand ?

Your credibility is pretty poor to be honest OP. You knew about this holiday, REFUSED to have him, refused to take annual leave (why not take parental leave instead?) and she went ahead and did it anyway, it's not quite the same as you being blindsided by it, if this is from 3 weeks ago, what did you do and where is your son now?

It's definitely not right, but I think you should have posted from an honest point of view to begin with, as it begs the question, why are you not prepared to take any annual leave/parental leave during the school holidays to spend with your son anyway (regardless of what his mum is doing/planning)? How can you say you can offer him stability if you won't even take any time off during the holidays to spend time with him? And you've already said that you struggle to take him to school in the mornings as it interferes with your work.

Fobbing him off on your family for childcare is not stability and is not a solution, by all means go to court, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, being angry at her for wanting to go on holiday and for going out with her friends is nothing to do with you and nothing to do with what is best for him, it just sounds like you are trying to exert some control of what she does by pretending you have no flexibility, when you obviously do.. surely any time she would ask you to see more of him should be a blessing not an inconvenience, and any normal parent would jump at the chance??

If your job is so inflexible that you genuinely can't even handle getting him to school on a Monday, with notice the evening before (the reason is irrelevant), then you don't seem the best person to have him during school time.

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Ah, I see. He's a man who refuses to let the mother of his child have any sort of break or holiday and she has to do pretty much everything so occasionally she just forces him to do his duty.

That explains why he couldn't tell the truth.

Well, good luck then OP she will tan your arse in court.