My ex will not return my son

[Sunrisesmile]

My ex and I have a son, we both have parental responsibility and my ex has him every weekend, a couple of weeks ago I dropped my son off at his dad's on Friday evening as usual and went away on holiday without him agreeing to have our son for me to go away, I texted him the following day to let him know I was on holiday and would not be returning to the following week now he will not return my son, where do I stand

You have a good case but just remember she can do the same back to you if she is that way inclined.

I’d be speaking to my solicitor and asking for some support from work to have your child at home, so if you can WFH / breakfast clubs /after school etc and seek sole parent due to child abandonment - keep all of the evidence too

He is quite right in his assumption that if he had been honest in the first place he would have been slated by a high proportion of people here who cannot get their heads round the face that some (thankfully a minority) of women should not be entrusted with their child's care.

You could always try reading the thread through before commenting? Just an idea.

If he doesn't trust our views because he thinks we are such sexist man haters then there's no reason he would suddenly find us wise and reasonable if he lies. In fact, if he thinks we would give an unfairly favourable view to a woman, then this is not him seeking honest opinions or advice - it's just him seeking what he believes will be an unfairly favourable response to him, based on something that isn't even true.

Now it all sounds to me as if this thread is less about his son and more about him wanting us to slate his ex as a deadbeat, as some kind of displaced revenge over the discourse around deadbeat dads.

Go for full custody she sounds awful amd your child needs stability.

I did. The fact it's a reverse doesn't change my opinion

Lol, shoes on the other foot now isnt it

Go through the courts and ask for primary residency to be with you. Keep your focus on the well-being of your DC; having a relationship with both parents is important but they need a sense of security and stability in their home and routine.

Collect documentation about times this has happened
Put a plan in place for how you will provide all care and transport
Consult a solicitor
Get the court process started ASAP

If you don’t have a court order in place saying otherwise and your DC is ok with it you can refuse to send them back, but if you’re going to do that you need to be able to show you’re taking the above steps (seriously and without delay). Arrange phone/FaceTime for DC with their mum as long as she’s not abusive towards them and don’t engage in any conflict with mum yourself.

The only person losing here is the child. Being treated like shit by his mother, being treated like a pawn in a game by his father. What a wonderful childhood. Poor thing deserves better from all the adults around him. Do better.

People bash shitty dads.

If you typed it honestly you’d not have been bashed - her behaviour is entirely unreasonable.

If you want your son to live with you you’ll need to go get a court order. It’s not rocket science.

Well done Dad. Cannot imagine how the poor child must feel at Mum's constant abandonment!

Some of you posters just hate men don't you?

poor child

Why are you only having him at weekends?

Unfortunately not all dads are good which is why there is a man bashing vibe.
You really seem genuine and it sounds like mum is very flaky, I would say go to court and get custody, especially as you have family support.
Everything crossed for you.

Sounds as if the lad will be better off staying with his Dad.

I'd like to wish you luck OP. Your ex sounds like a piece of work.

I got one would have thought far better if you if you had posted honestly. You have as many prejudices as you seem to think MN members do

I’m pretty sure this counts as child abandonment and won’t reflect well on you when you presumably take this to court. This was just for a holiday? Not that you found out your mum was on her death bed you had to fly to see after drop off? What an earth were you thinking if this was just for a holiday?
You’ll need a solicitor. Honestly, this action makes me imagine there’s other things going on too, if so I could imagine the fathers solicitor pushing for you to have supervised contact or every other weekend and potentially being granted it. For stability for the child.

I'm not bashing his mum, I can offer my son more stability and she can still see him, I'm not trying to stop her

I don’t blame you for doing a reverse, I actually think that it was wise.

I would get legal advice (not mumsnet).

Seriously?
Had to re read this as I thought it was him being unreasonable but No, it’s you!
you dropped your son and went away for a week without checking it out with him??

Read the thread.

Maybe a little bit sneaky but actually it’s irrelevant that OP reversed it!
I’m sure everyone can agree its outrageous behaviour from the Mum, and so it doesn’t really change anything that Dad posted it