My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

Oh OP, you poor thing. You are feeling sorry for a man that doesn't exist, he isn't who you think he is. You are in love with a fictitious version of him - not who he truly is.

I think it's interesting you felt really down about the pregnancy even though you say it is what you both wanted. Maybe somewhere deep inside you knew that he was abusive and were scared of being tied to him for life. Maybe there were signs that once you had the baby the abuse would escalate. It's common. Listen to your instincts.

He was very angry about your thoughts about a termination - attacking you for doubts is the actions of an abuser. He was scared of you getting out of his control. He obviously didn't care that much about the pregnancy if he's willing to attack you whilst pregnant. His actions suggest he's only interested in controlling you.

NEVER contact him again. He is not who you are in love with - you are in love with a man who doesn't exist. I know that's devastating but abusers are good at creating these fictions, until the mask comes off. Protect yourself and your children.

Oh totally. Just wondered if there were any red flags.

If a random man assaulted you in the way he did, you would definitely be making sure he gets arrested and charged. The fact that he is supposed to be your equal in a relationship shouldn't make a blind bit of difference.
I hope that he gets everything he deserves.

I’m so sorry for what he did to you. I hope you know you did not deserve that. He could have killed you. He is not a nice man. I know it will hurt to not have him in your life but this will only last a little while, it doesn’t bear thinking about all the hurt he will continue to cause you if you go back to him. Please, please, please don’t go back! X

You can, but the police can ignore you as obviously he is a danger to all females, and next time he may kill one.

He attacked you. He could have killed you.

He was with you because you were broken.

The Courts will let him off with a slap on the wrist but you have to proceed with charges so the next woman he dates can find out he’s violent and make a plan to leave before he hurts her.

but I would urge you to think very carefully about proceeding with a pregnancy where this man is the father

Absolutely-I think it would be wise to have a termination. Any man who can beat a pregnant woman up, is highly likely to do it to his own child.

You know that because he’s strangled you the chances of him killing you are exponentially high??

Firstly I hope your ok, that is awful! 🥺

I was in an abusive relationship for over 10 years. I never reported it to the police and I wish I had. Now no one believes me that it was as it was as I don’t have a lot of evidence and he’s got away with everything that he put me and our children through. And has moved onto another poor girl.

He deserves everything coming his way. Don’t defend these abusive men. Firstly for your own safety and also for the safety of other women as you can bet you probably weren’t the first and almost definitely wont be that last. Hope this was the first incident and will be the last. Get away why you can

Do not get back with, or have anything to do with this vile excuse of a human being!
You are worth more than that. Please have some self respect.
He has treated you appallingly.

It’s your decision but the police might still decide to press charges. Happened with a friend of mine. It went to court he wasn’t jailed because of his MH. But he had to pay a fine and do some sort of course. She did break up with him though.

For the sake of your kids, leave him in prison. And don't go back to him

Did the police complete a questionnaire with you - things like, has your partner isolated you from friends/family? are you scared of them? have the forced you to engage in sexual activity that you do not consent to? type thing?

Have a termination so youre not tied to this wanker for life, and leave him to rot in a cell. Also, do the Freedom Programme and get in contact with

I've read your updates and that attack was horrific.

You wanting him released is due to your shock and fear of him.

I'm glad your sister is able to support you.

If you're not sure about your symptoms, go to the hospital.

Also want to add that he has tried to terminate your pregnancy by violence, please think carefully about what he could do to a baby once it's born.
He is an extraordinarily violent man and a cell is exactly the place he needs to be.

I completely agree with this.

I can never understand why it’s more acceptable for someone who apparently loves you and you’re meant to trust 100% to hurt you but yet if it was a stranger or work colleague you’d not think twice about having them arrested and wanting them to be sent to prison.

It should be a million times worse when it’s a loved one rather than a stranger.

You don't have to terminate your pg. However, do you really want to be tied to this B@stard via a child that you share & he will probably be entitled to having contact with?

Suggest that you need to see a counsellor to discuss your options.

One of the concerning things that you said was that you couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again even though you don't want a relationship with him. Seeing him will mean some kind of relationship. He's abusive & the abuse will continue.

IME abusers don't start off abusing. They tend to target someone who is vulnerable, make themselves out to be kind & helpful. Then the control starts to creep in - 'I only want you to call me to let me know where you are', 'what time will you be home because I love you & worry about you'...'I only don't want you to see your friends/sisters/parents because they don't love you like I do & where were they when you were going through the tough time that I helped you through?' - 'they don't love/understand you like I do'. Quickly moving onto 'I expected you to be home 10 minutes ago - where the fuck were you? Were you with another man?' 'No wonder no-one cares about you your lazy/ugly/fat' 'No-one will love you like I do'.

I've heard it all over the years.

I’m sure you can tell the difference between the normal "surface sore" of the type of sore throat you get with a cold and the "hurt sore throat" caused by his hands squeezing your throat. If you have any doubt at all you must call them back.

Please stop feeling sorry for him and making excuses for him. He is a dangerous, violent man who needs to be prosecuted. Imagine how you would feel if you let it go and then heard in the future that he’d done the same - or worse - to another poor woman.

Most police have a DV checklist, I would hope that OP's local police also do this.

If they have evidence, they can proceed without your involvement.

That's why I am asking. They should have completed a DASH RIC form.

OP you might lose your kids if you get this man out of jail and back into their lives. However low you felt when he "rescued" you, does not even begin to compare with the devastation you will feel when your kids are removed from you. Get out and keep in prison whilst you get your act together (yes i mean literally moving out of the house too). Get help.

I am so so sorry this happened to you OP, and I am glad you have the support of your sisters.

The violence he inflicted on you child me. The strangling, the sexual violence.

Attacking people is a crime. What he did is a horrible crime. Let the police do their job, speak to them truthfully. You should be offered victim support and they may have a special domestic abuse team.

Please look after yourself, this was a horrendous attack, and with the nature of violence you might like to look for specialist counselling.

It’s natural to still be in love with the man you thought you had, or dreamed you had. It is natural amongst abused women (and children too) to be afraid to acknowledge that your abuser IS an abuser because that is all you feel you have and it is too scary to believe that the only person you have is a bad person.

Counselling can help with this. The Freedom Programme (online) could help.

For now, lean on your sisters.

And block him, and his Mum. And his other relatives.