My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

You can phone and tell them, however
1, if he has done it once he will do it again, if not to you to the next person, can you live with that?
2 what example are you showing your children? You are saying it’s ok with be abused
3 if this was happening to your daughter would you want the person who did this to go free? Or would you want them punished
4 the police may decide it’s serious enough to charge him without you, how will that look in court? That you are happy someone strangles you?

Based on this, he 100% deserves to be in a police cell, @Exasperated24, and I hope he is prosecuted, convicted and serves some serious time.

You owe this violent and dangerous man NOTHING!

You need to make sure he's prosecuted before he meets someone else and ends up killing her. He sounds an awful lot like my ex who sadly is still getting away with this behaviour - I would do anything within my power to stop any future partner of his going through the same.

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
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I think this is for the best for you as you won’t have a lifelong link to him.
Be kind to yourself and get the abortion over with then you can recover mentally and physically and continue being a good mum to your existing children,they deserve to have no link to this awful violent bastard too

Jesus fucking Christ op. This is appalling. If you have a daughter, imagine her telling you this. How would you feel? What would you say to her if she said she loved him and didn’t want him to be prosecuted for this utterly disgusting violence?

I know that. I'm a survivor.

I am also choosing to believe the OP, because she has no reason to lie. I certainly won't be kicking her when she's already on her knees and calling it "tough love". Some of the comments on this thread are also abusive.

OP he's exactly where he should be right now. Trying to frame this more rationally, would you ever tell a friend that because her partner supported her through a difficult time, in turn it was OK for her to be physically and sexual assaulted by him? Or that she should "save" him from the consequences of those actions?
Leave him where he is, take the night to be with your sisters and figure out the quickest and cleanest way to extract him from your life. Change your locks, block his number, look into the freedom programme, put yourself and your kids first.

If you were standing at a bus stop & a stranger attacked you, you would want them to face the consequences wouldn't you?

No difference. He attacked you, needs to face the consequences.

I suggest that you contact Women's Aid for support in this. He may have 'rescued' you, doesn't mean that he can assault you.

Honey this man has attempted to strangle you, m*er your unborn child and by the sounds of things r**e you. Do not feel any sort of remorse that he is in a police cell. He deserves worse. This is from a man who supposedly loves you. Do you, your children and your unborn baby a favour and get a restraining order in place and potentially move. Contact woman's aid today to get help. If you share locations on phones, switch them off. You all deserve better than this. I don't care what he has helped you through in the last 2 years. You deserve better than this. Massive hugs x

Excellent advice here.

He hasnt 'lost the plot' at all. This is not some unfortunate mental health crisis - don't make excuses.

You have children you are responsible for, that means ensuring the man who tried to kill you doesn't get the opportunity to do it.

If you keep the baby he is in your life forever..
Which is longer than you will have your existing dc when their df /ss get wind of this.

Is this the first time he's done anything like this? Does he have a short fuse normally?

He absolutely does deserve to be sitting in a cell.

It's because he tried to strangle you!

Thank goodness that him being there for you in the past has no bearing on the consequences to him for what he did today!

Oh please ...

He's done a good 'job' on you Hun. That's what abusers do.

Your local police will probably have a DV support service (mine do & it's very good) they will probably have given you some phone numbers to call - call them.

Don't worry about him being in a police cell. He wasn't worried about you when he was abusing you.

He doesn't love you my darling, he says what it takes to keep you under his power. You need to breathe a sigh of relief that you've got rid of him & as PP say, change your locks, get a video phone thingy on your doorbell, a restraining order, block his numbers & prepare for the rest of your life living your own life without fear, no more treading on egg shells.

Good luck & stay in touch to let us know how you get on.

OP it is incredibly common for DV to start in pregancy or escalate once baby is born. What he has done is unforgivable. Most people couldn't behave like that even if paid to, he has crossed the line and is dangerous.

You say he's been there for you. These men often hone in on women when they are vulnerable. Is it possible he's been making himself an indispensable shoulder to cry on?

I would say do a Claire's law but even if it came back clean you know he's a risk.

Don’t stay with this pathetic piece of crap. I was strangled repeatedly until I couldn’t breathe many times and much much worse for nearly a decade. The moment mypregnancy started to show the switch went to on. I was very very young, a teenager, and naive and vulnerable with no support so I had no way out.

Thirty years later I’m still recovering after a horrific court case to get him out of our lives. I’ve also moved hundreds of miles to an unknown area and so on. Finally I thought it was over and the loser contacted me this year and so I’ve had to go to the police who have let me know there’s nothing they can do for now but I’m too be extra careful as threat to life is set to severe for me due to what he’s done before. So sadly that’s how long those types of men think they have power over you.

you have support and you have children to consider. And very sorry to say this but I recommend a termination so that he has no link to you and you won’t ever have to see him again. So sorry.

Totally agree. OP: The fact that he has helped you through difficult times means that his betrayal is all the greater. You were entitled to think you could rely on him. I send you my biggest, heartfelt hug. Imagine the advice you'd give your sister or your daughter. Take that advice yourself. Report your swallowing difficulties to the NHS and the police. And get in touch with the helplines recommended here. This man will never be fit to be the dust beneath your feet.

Doesn't matter is first time or tenth time - if my DH even threatened to do this to me he'd be out of the door so fast, locks changed, restraining order & all the force of the local police to back me up.

If you contact the officer dealing with your case, they should give you the opportunity to make what is known as a retraction statement, setting out your reasons for not wishing to support a prosecution. This will be sent to the Crown Prosecution Service along with the evidence. However, the CPS are not bound by your views and may decide to prosecute your assailant even if that is not what you want. You can ask the police to refer you to an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor for emotional and practical support and you can also refer yourself to Women's Aid.

Please be aware that strangulation is one of the most dangerous forms of assault and is a strong indicator for future, possibly lethal assaults.

They will now be notifying social care.
Do not have any contact with him if you want your children safe.
He’s not good with your children, he has attacked their main carer and the person they need safe and well.
He is a classic perpetrator attacking when you are at your most vulnerable.
Do not risk your children. Get a non molestation order whilst he’s in a cell and block him!

Take it from one who knows ....... Please do not defend him. My daughter is in a similar situation and although I have made three statements she will not co operate with the Police - who have been wonderful throughout - and he is still running free and ruining her life. She does not appear to see the danger.

He attacked your unborn baby where it should be safest - inside you. Deliberately. To kill him or her.

Why are you worrying about his feelings when he tried to forcibly abort your baby?