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Original poster

My partner was arrested for attacking me..

377 replies

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:07

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

OP posts:
Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 05/07/2025 19:47

themostspecialelfintheworkshop · 05/07/2025 19:13

Oh OP, you poor thing. You are feeling sorry for a man that doesn't exist, he isn't who you think he is. You are in love with a fictitious version of him - not who he truly is.

I think it's interesting you felt really down about the pregnancy even though you say it is what you both wanted. Maybe somewhere deep inside you knew that he was abusive and were scared of being tied to him for life. Maybe there were signs that once you had the baby the abuse would escalate. It's common. Listen to your instincts.

He was very angry about your thoughts about a termination - attacking you for doubts is the actions of an abuser. He was scared of you getting out of his control. He obviously didn't care that much about the pregnancy if he's willing to attack you whilst pregnant. His actions suggest he's only interested in controlling you.

NEVER contact him again. He is not who you are in love with - you are in love with a man who doesn't exist. I know that's devastating but abusers are good at creating these fictions, until the mask comes off. Protect yourself and your children.

Well put 👏

SnoopyPajamas · 05/07/2025 19:47

OP, his decision to attack you was completely separate to him 'saving' you, and being there for you in the past. The things you loved him for back then don't cancel out what he chose to do to you today. He could have been an absolute perfect angel, and it still wouldn't give him a free pass to lay hands on you. Not even once.

Deep down, you know that's not how it works.

He did this, and he needs to face the consequences. I know you feel you brought this on yourself and ruined everything, but you didn't. You really didn't. His violence is on him.

justasking111 · 05/07/2025 19:51

Just the thought that my children might lose their mother would be enough for me to let the police prosecute.

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 05/07/2025 19:55

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:48

It’s just so unbelievable. Like I say we’ve had arguments before but today he just lost the plot.

He didn't lose the plot, he showed his true self.

Leave him where he is, you are not responsible for his actions.

Smoothout · 05/07/2025 19:55

I guarantee that the “extreme trauma” you went through for two years was at the hands of your previous boyfriend op

correct?

Tumbler2121 · 05/07/2025 19:57

The police used to rarely take domestic violence seriously because they knew that the woman screaming help the night before would be turning up to see her man with his cigarettes and a change of clothing.

LouiseK93 · 05/07/2025 19:58

Type Kiena Dawes into Google...read up and realise your choice would be unwise.

cloudyblueglass · 05/07/2025 19:59

You can, but the CPS could decide to prosecute anyway

PolyVagalNerve · 05/07/2025 20:01

Tumbler2121 · 05/07/2025 19:57

The police used to rarely take domestic violence seriously because they knew that the woman screaming help the night before would be turning up to see her man with his cigarettes and a change of clothing.

Times have changed thankfully,
police will charge without the victims co-operation -
they complete a DASH - domestic violence assessment and refer to social services where there are kids present as being in a DV household is now recognised as child abuse
likely to alert OP GP re pregnancy and risk of violence

Flamingoknees · 05/07/2025 20:02

I hope your sister is giving yoy sensible advice OP. He is dangerous scum. Choking the women who is pregnant with his child! You need to do the Freedom programme ASAP. Please think very carefully before tying yourself to this monster for 18 years, with a child. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Peoplearebloodyidiots · 05/07/2025 20:02

Op for fucks sake don't be a fool. Have the termination, and get some therapy, you deserve better and need some self esteem. Don't be tied with a child to someone who is abusive. Listen to everyone here. This is an opportunity to change your path for the better. Take it.

Aimtodobetter · 05/07/2025 20:04

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 18:03

The police said the risk of him actually killing me in the future rises to around 80% (or something he couldn’t remember off the top of his head) due to the fact he’s gone as far as to ‘strangle’ today.

And you want to help release him? Even if he were the father of your current children there is no way in hell you should be doing anything but trying to get him jailed for the safety of you and your kids. If you’re considering an abortion not having a child that ties you permanently to an extreme abuser is almost certainly better for your current children but in the end that’s your choice to make.

Iamnotalemming · 05/07/2025 20:05

He deliberately chose to hurt you and your unborn baby. Next time he could kill you both.

I'm sorry you are going through this. But you need to process what a risk he is to you. If that's too difficult right now then please just remove yourself from anywhere he can find you for the next few days. Can you stay with your sister?

mommatoone · 05/07/2025 20:07

Listen to your sisters OP , who deal with vile men like this on a day to day basis, and end up delivering devastating news because he has 'lost it" for one last time. Don't become a statistic, you clearly have people around you that care a great deal. Protect your children.

Motherofalittledragon · 05/07/2025 20:08

He absolutely deserves to be in a cell, he’s a despicable human.
what you can do without him is rebuild your life safely without the fear of being attacked, that was a violent assault whilst you are pregnant.
he’s a complete danger to women.

BeLuckyBlueDog · 05/07/2025 20:08

In the UK crimes are against the crown, rather than the victim. But if you were apparently a uncooperative witness, then the police/CPS MIGHT decide not to proceed.

Do note if your partner accepts, when they say, 'sign here and we will count it as a slap on the wrist' they would from that point have a criminal record!

WhySoManySocks · 05/07/2025 20:10

Jesus.

  1. Leave him immediately.

  2. Terminate the pregnancy so you’re not forever tied to him.

Both of those you should do to protect your existing children, who should be your number one priority.

They will be SIGNIFICANTLY worse with him in their lives, whether as a step father, a father to their half sibling, or a murderer of their mother.

whengodwasarabbit1 · 05/07/2025 20:11

Oh love. Sending you a huge hug and I hope you have your sister with you. No matter how brilliant he was up until this point, you have to end this now. You deserve so much more. It's horrific reading your posts, horrific.
Please don't go back, life should be better than this. You will need ongoing support. Google womens services in your area.
Sending so much love xx

PopeJoan2 · 05/07/2025 20:11

You called the police because you instinctively feared for your life and that of your unborn baby. This threat is not going to go away. It will escalate now that he has done this. I am sure that someone has already said that dv increases during pregnancy.

The police process is now in motion. Allow the process of law to do its work without your intervention.

keep yourself and your children safe. Much love to you.

JHound · 05/07/2025 20:13

Why do you feel awful for him?

Strictlymad · 05/07/2025 20:14

Bannedontherun · 05/07/2025 17:11

You feel awful for him because he has groomed you in to thinking he is vulnerable and hurt and you are the one that can fix him.

Doubtless he has repeatedly told you that you are failing to help him with his needs for your support.

This- let the police deal as they see fit. Get some space to think. He’s probably been controlling your thinking and will play the victim. You needs weeks to think and reason and see clearly

catlover123456789 · 05/07/2025 20:16

Think about what you'd say to a friend if they were in this position. Then apply that advice to yourself. Take care.

Tennistote · 05/07/2025 20:19

My friend’s mother and her relative were killed by the mum’s murderous husband. The last thing both those women would have seen on this earth was his vicious, snarling face. I cannot begin to imagine their terror.
My friend was a small child and lost her mother, decades later that loss still devastates her.
Please please take all the help you can to be free of this man.

Laura95167 · 05/07/2025 20:28

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:07

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

You could but you shouldnt. Next time he might kill you.

Additionally even if you say that. If they have evidence they may proceed against him irrespective of you.

I know you may not be ready to hear this, but you didn't deserve his attack, he is not the victim, this is not your fault

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/07/2025 20:31

OP please listen to what's being posted on here. It's entirely understandable that you are reacting like this: you're in shock, you've been groomed and you're vulnerable.

But now you absolutely owe it to yourself and your children to:

a) cooperate with the police (and social services if they get involved)
b) terminate the pregnancy
c) end the relationship
d) get counselling and work out why the fuck you thought you deserved this and make damn sure it doesn't ever happen again.

These are essential for your survival and the wellbeing of your children.

Please, with kindness, wake the fuck up. You are not thinking rationally and no one blames you for this but now is the time to get a hold of yourself and start doing what you need to do to survive.

Please do this or you may not survive. It's that stark a choice.