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Original poster

My partner was arrested for attacking me..

377 replies

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:07

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 05/07/2025 18:24

Would you prefer to be dead or have him in a cell?

You need to do what protects you.

ballettap · 05/07/2025 18:24

Smoothout · 05/07/2025 18:03

I wish you had not have told the op that

Show quote history

Why? She needs to know the effect this will have if she's seen to be trying to let this 'man' get away with this.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 05/07/2025 18:25

And then it escalated into him shouting at me about wanting an abortion (I’m 9 weeks and have been considering it) he said he’ll take care of the abortion for me.

The only reason he wants you to keep the baby is so that you are tied to him and dependent on him. Abusers like to keep their victims helpless and vulnerable.

MaggiesShadow · 05/07/2025 18:25

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 18:03

The police said the risk of him actually killing me in the future rises to around 80% (or something he couldn’t remember off the top of his head) due to the fact he’s gone as far as to ‘strangle’ today.

My God. He could have killed you.

I'm very sorry to hear what he's done and you must be in terrible shock but PLEASE consider what going through with this pregnancy will do. He'll be tied to you forever. If you let him slither back in to your life, you risk losing your children. No man is worth that.

You think it's not like him. It IS like him because he did it. That's who he is. Someone who violently attacked you, who could have happily killed you. When he knew you were pregnant and vulnerable.

Even if your esteem is so low that you somehow think you deserve to be around that, surely you know that your children don't. If you can't break away for you, do it for them.

Insanityisnotastrategy · 05/07/2025 18:26

StarCourt · 05/07/2025 18:22

i’m pretty sure he also sexually assaulted you

Yes, it sounds like there was a serious sexual assault too. A very dangerous and callous man.

pikkumyy77 · 05/07/2025 18:27

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:11

He’s been there for me through the most traumatic two years of my life and I just hate the thought of him sitting there in the cell.

i won’t get back with him but I feel like I owe him for ‘saving me’ these last two years.

You don’t owe him anything. Does rabbit owe its owner a life because it was fed and watered before being killed?

harriethoyle · 05/07/2025 18:28

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:17

I just can’t stand the thought of him in a cell. I can’t stand the thought I’ll never see him again.

For goodness sake. Which is worse - the thought of not seeing him or the thought of not having care of your children again? Because they will be removed by social services if you stay in a relationship with him.

FourLove · 05/07/2025 18:31

So sorry OP but I don't think it is entirely your decision about whether the police prosecute; they may decide to go ahead anyway because of the danger he poses to you and other women.
Tragically, you can't have him back as a supportive partner, only as a violent man who has attacked you once and will almost certainly try again if you stay with him. Sorry.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 05/07/2025 18:31

Men who kill their partners ramp up when they out their hands around a woman’s throat. It is where it begins. Ask your sisters, they will know.
What he did to you was both violent, sexually violent, and an attempt at killing a baby he apparently wants.
Just because he’s helped you doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to kill you.
Your children’s father would have every right to want your children with him if you let this lunatic anywhere near you again.
And don’t feel sorry for him in a cell, it’s actually not that bad. Again, ask your sisters.

Smoothout · 05/07/2025 18:31

FortyElephants · 05/07/2025 18:19

You would like? What a way to put it. If the OP shows mettle and gives a supporting statement to the police he will be prosecuted and she will be supported by an IDVA to apply for a protective order and to remain separated from him. That's what she needs to do. She doesn't need a social worker to oversee that, because she will be committed, sure and resolute to do the right thing for her and her children.

Show quote history

The very fact that the op feels bad and guilty and considering contacting the police to say forget it.., means the op is fundamentally vulnerable and someone who could benefit from SS involvement

Smoothout · 05/07/2025 18:32

Either way…. This will already have been referred to SS

OkimADHD · 05/07/2025 18:32

failedatlifee · 05/07/2025 17:11

Yes you can, I did this although they still tried to prosecute him without me but luckily they weren’t successful.

Luckily?? 😢

Uricon2 · 05/07/2025 18:33

This is very serious OP. Please cooperate with the police, please take any and all help offered and please, please don't let him back into you and your children's lives.

What you do about your pregnancy is entirely your decision of course, but don't think that you have to make it based on what he wants. He's a dangerous liability as a partner and such men do not make good or safe fathers.

Aknifewith16blades · 05/07/2025 18:34

Not a nice man, not a safe man for you and your kids.

He's done enough damage, get support and move on.

cestlavielife · 05/07/2025 18:35

24 hours in a cell for attacking you
he will be fine
Stop babying him
He needs a consequence of his behaviour whatever you think is the reason for it

Smoothout · 05/07/2025 18:35

The two year of trauma that you and your children have just experienced op…. Was this by any chance due to a different man?

MaryGreenhill · 05/07/2025 18:37

Yes you can do that and he might be home in time for round 2 @Exasperated24

IdaPrentice · 05/07/2025 18:37

He's in a police cell, meanwhile you're in shock, traumatised, bruised and sore, physically assaulted by the one person who you should be able to trust.
But you can't stand the thought of him being locked up?
Why are his needs, his physical and emotional wellbeing, more important than YOURS? Please think about that, let it sink in. You don't owe him anything - that evaporated the second he began his attack.

PeppyTealDuck · 05/07/2025 18:37

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 18:03

The police said the risk of him actually killing me in the future rises to around 80% (or something he couldn’t remember off the top of his head) due to the fact he’s gone as far as to ‘strangle’ today.

keep telling this to yourself every time you feel bad for him or consider taking him back.

cestlavielife · 05/07/2025 18:38

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:57

He had his hands round my throat only for a few seconds - the paramedics said I seemed ok and were happy to leave me they said to contact them if I suddenly start feeling sore as it can show up later. It hurts to swallow now but I do have a cold so I don’t really know if f I should call them back .

It only takes seconds to strangle and kill
Please feel anger towards him
Do not feel sorry for him

Azandme · 05/07/2025 18:38

Stravaig · 05/07/2025 18:10

Hopefully the children's father will make an emergency application for full custody, temporarily, until you can be trusted to make healthy relationship decisions and provide a safe home for them.

Your need to stick the boot in to a very recently assaulted, pregnant woman who has already said she will not be taking him back is spiteful af.

This is the FIRST time he's been violent. There is no evidence that she has ever failed to protect her children, and she's been clear that whatever happens with the police the relationship is over.

Most people are able to appreciate that she is in shock and that she needs time to process the magnitude of what HE has done. Not you, apparently. Vile.

VIOLETPUGH · 05/07/2025 18:39

you can,, but they will still record it remains on police systems, and if they have enough evidence they can still prosecute him.

Driftingawaynow · 05/07/2025 18:42

Have a look at this OP
https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/drama-triangle/
In this context you have been victimised and then become “persecutor” by calling the police. Now you want to rescue him, the urge is strong.

you can sit with that feeling of wanting to rescue him, without taking any action, you can tolerate it, it will pass.

He is fine in the cells. It’s the best place for him now where he can’t cause any more damage and fuck up his life further than he has today.

Focus on yourself

Drama Triangle Explained: How to Recognize and Escape It - AP

Discover the Karpman Drama Triangle and learn how to break free from the Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor roles to foster healthier relationships!

https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/drama-triangle/

OkimADHD · 05/07/2025 18:42

Yes the police will still pursue a victimless
conviction and can make a court order to force you to go to court not many judges will enforce that. The police will jot be allowing him out because you want that!
For future ref the police will have already contacted social services who will visit you. If you get back with him you are in danger of having your children put on a child protection order and removed.
He has been violent once? Maybes more and you haven't reported it?
What it comes down to is your children or him?
Please ask for help because as you say you are very vulnerable at the moment. He hasn't helped you, he has manipulated and abused you!

OkimADHD · 05/07/2025 18:44

Azandme · 05/07/2025 18:38

Your need to stick the boot in to a very recently assaulted, pregnant woman who has already said she will not be taking him back is spiteful af.

This is the FIRST time he's been violent. There is no evidence that she has ever failed to protect her children, and she's been clear that whatever happens with the police the relationship is over.

Most people are able to appreciate that she is in shock and that she needs time to process the magnitude of what HE has done. Not you, apparently. Vile.

Edited
Show quote history

Statistics show that women are assaulted 20 times before they make a report to police.