Not sure dh is being fair with divorce financials

[JayJayy]

Posted briefly a while back, managed to get a free half hour which wasn’t brilliant, but now I have some figures and I feel he’s perhaps not being too fair here…
Sorry it’s long but I wanted to be detailed.

29 year marriage. I’ve always stayed home with part time work (his request) and raised children. Both now independent adults so don’t factor into this now. He would like to stay in the house, bed currently living there alone, I’m renting a room because living with him is impossible. I have meagre savings and a job that brings me in around £1100 a month currently. I am seeing a solicitor tomorrow but at £180 an hour it will be a one off imagine.

His offer at the moment. He wants to keep the house, all the appliances, furniture etc and give me £109k, half the equity. Failing that he can ‘possibly stretch to’ £140k if I don’t go after his pensions. He’s a high earner, and his base salary isn’t reflecting bonuses which can push him to around £100k. If I take either offer I can afford at best a small flat whilst he remains in the four bed nice detached

House has been valued at £350k, £360k and £375k. I’m happy to take the middle figure he wants to go with £350k

outstanding mortgage £130,500

his salary £81k (plus bonuses he currently won’t go into)

my salary £12k ish

pension 1 £198,500
pension 2 £10,000 (estimate)
pension 3 £103,500

i gained a degree in 2011, he was deeply unimpressed with my return to education and using it to work full time would not have gone down well. I’m now 51. I feel stupid that I threw over 30 years away supporting someone who clearly never gave a fucking about me outside of being a maid and a nanny.
i also put around £90k of my own inheritance into the house in 2018. Something I know I’ll never get back.

he’s cut me off I have no access to money or financial advisors like he has and I feel he’s trying his best to make me go away with as little as possible.

I’d appreciate any input. Thanks.

Yup.A few years back when husband and I were in a really rough patch I talked this through with a friend who does pension actuary work. Husband has a military pension. Plus we have various properties and he has a smaller (second career) private pot. She laughed and said her estimate without seeing all details was that he would need to find £2M to equalise us if he didn't want to share his military pension. He would end up kissing goodbye to pretty much everything else. And that was with me having a large private pension of my own.

As someone else said, my husband'a annual bonus now is more than his base salary. Although we are now reconciled, I keep a much closer watch on what is going on financially now. Just in case.

His behaviour sounds criminal OP. As in coercive and controlling/ financially abusive. I would consider talking to Women’s Aid.

Oh he told me the other week that 'his solicitor says spousal isn't a thing anymore'. I knew that one was a lie. He also changes his mind regularly on whether he has a solicitor or not, more games I suppose.

At one point he sent me a message with a bill for £326.23p, which he claimed was my share of bills etc pro rata for my salary. This amused me as I went to the house for some things when he wasn't there and found a letter from the mortgage company - he's switched to interest only as well but wanted me to pay the repayment rate. Obviously I've not paid him.

I have found a few notes I made when he was a bit more amicable and I know his bonus is contracted up to 15% and there is a share bonus due in Feb that was split over three years of £10k roughly.

I'm in Staffordshire. I'm seeing a lady tomorrow that came recommended so hopefully she's a SHL 😀

Literally just STOP LISTENING TO HIM. Only communicate through a really bloody good solicitor , honestly. He’s a disgrace and I’m absolutely furious on your behalf and you need to get more furious. And use that to fuel your fire of a future without him in it!

Spousal IS a thing op. I got it. I’ve got to go to work now but I’ll respond later.

My ex’s solicitor told him that. My barrister however leaned in on this and I get nominal spousal maintenance which means I can reopen the financial aspects of the consent order if I fall on hard times. He fucking hates that. It keeps my claws close to his balls, even after all these years.

He sounds an absolute prize arsehole OP - nail his bollocks to the wall - I was a bit like you in my first marriage- virtually gave him everything as I wanted out - thought he would think ‘kindly’ of me as I had done so - Nope - I learnt a harsh lesson there - if you are the one who wants out they usually turn into arses - so go for what benefits you - 18 months down the line you won’t give a shit what he thinks- but you will have cash

I am only eligible for two credit cards, and with 6 months % then 45% interest this really worries me as I can't see it being settled by then.

I'll keep looking.

💐

Don't listen to a word he says. He is consistently lying to you. Better yet, mute him and only communicate via your solicitor.

I am so angry on your behalf! He is treating you appallingly.

Check your credit rating. Go on Experian and they will have a list of pre approved loans and credit cards you can apply for. And find the solicitor first and deal with the bill later. The lawyers bills are the very least of your worries right now.

OP I’ve just read your previous thread. He has local government pensions? No wonder he doesn’t want to share, they are very valuable! Have you had an actuary’s report - because the CETV does not reflect their full value. I can assure you he will not be staying in the FMH, it’s far too big for him. As I said in my post I got 90% equity which allowed me to buy a lovely cottage mortgage free, ex’s salary allowed him to buy a similar with a mortgage (he didn’t though, as far as I know he’s still renting a stupidly expensive house with his partner but not my circus, not my monkeys . . . ) I’m glad you’re getting angry, please see that SHL, get a good settlement, your own lovely home and pension pot. Then get on with enjoying your life, you deserve it.

Spousal maintenance is rare, but you can apply for an interim order immediately, and sounds as though you are absolutely entitled to it.

Your hopefully SHL will know all about that, but I think you need a D11 form.

Edit for clarity - this means he has to give you money now.

He worked for local authority for some years, 2 different councils. One was a shorter stint of about 4 years so I'm assuming thats the £10k one and then finally private sector where he is now. I've not had anything from him other than the written amounts he sent via WhatsApp, and only after much pushing. The message ended with

"It would be good to have an explanation of any offer/proposal you put forward please"

Made me laugh that.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/a-guide-to-financial-arrangements-after-marriage-breakdown/

I suggest you read this legal guide from rights of women. It gives you a layperson friendly overview of the law and your entitlements. Rights of Women also have other guides which may be relevant (and free legal advice lines although they can be very busy and hard to get through to a lawyer)

Given the difference in your earning potentials and the fact you worked part time for years to benefit the family, it’s highly unlikely you’d end up with a 50/50 split in court - you’d probably get more. But 50/50 is the starting point.

He’s offering you about half the equity in the house and £30k of his pension pot of over £300k. That’s not EVEN a 50/50 split.

Having recently divorced and had to go through the pain of selling the family home, I’d be cautious about what agents say is the value of your house and I would work on the basis that the lowest value (£350k) is closest to the likely sale price. The calculations I have done above are based on that as the sale price.

You need to see evidence of the level of his bonuses over past couple of years as part of the financial disclosure.

Just before he froze the joint account and he'd sent that shitty message I did say, 'look, I need to live, just give me an allowance to live on until this is sorted'. I think I asked for £200. This was refused.

Stupid question here sorry but how does ex actually pay the OP. Obviously he buys her out of the house I assume so that part is covered via equity but what if he doesn’t have the cash to give her half the pension value?

Sorry to ask but am thinking of going down this road myself.

All the best OP. Make sure you get what you’re entitled to here.

You are fully entitled to seek legal advice and for this to be funded from your joint account. Really good legal advice is essential. A good solicitor will start with this. Then there is the process of establishing joint assets and what should go where. First question is where is everything? Solicitors use a form Form E to do this. He has to complete and declare it is full. To establish the levels of bonus payments you can request his P60s over a number of years and some payslips. If you request his bank statements, you can also establish any flows of money elsewhere (to a private savings pot). Your solicitor will be very good at doing this and requesting bank statements around bonus time could be very telling. Next thing is how to split. Given you have been the homemaker, it is reasonable for him to provide some spousal maintenance- note that this will not last forever, but will for a few years. Your inheritance will I fear just fall into the pot.

re the house he’d have to actually have the cash. Re the pensions, you don’t get the money now, it’s a pension sharing order so when the Op is of pension age then she would recieve her portion in the same way as a pension is paid to him.

this is why is a good negotiation tactic to ‘let them keep’ the pension , but in exchange more of the house and other asset cash now.

Of course. That makes complete sense.

Thanks

I think you're entitled to about £250-300k OP. Obviously your husband will want you to accept less, but legally you're entitled to half the house plus half his pension - and probably extra on top for sacrificing your income to support his.

Don't accept less

Don't get short changed Girl! Get proper advice!

Don't get a credit card at rates like that. Ask the solicitor to put a charge on the house. That's how I did it. I had to put 1000 on account and the balance was taken from the house sale as part of the divorce. Even if he is buying you out he will gave to factor this in I assume. I got 70/30 split, no children