Not sure dh is being fair with divorce financials

[JayJayy]

Posted briefly a while back, managed to get a free half hour which wasn’t brilliant, but now I have some figures and I feel he’s perhaps not being too fair here…
Sorry it’s long but I wanted to be detailed.

29 year marriage. I’ve always stayed home with part time work (his request) and raised children. Both now independent adults so don’t factor into this now. He would like to stay in the house, bed currently living there alone, I’m renting a room because living with him is impossible. I have meagre savings and a job that brings me in around £1100 a month currently. I am seeing a solicitor tomorrow but at £180 an hour it will be a one off imagine.

His offer at the moment. He wants to keep the house, all the appliances, furniture etc and give me £109k, half the equity. Failing that he can ‘possibly stretch to’ £140k if I don’t go after his pensions. He’s a high earner, and his base salary isn’t reflecting bonuses which can push him to around £100k. If I take either offer I can afford at best a small flat whilst he remains in the four bed nice detached

House has been valued at £350k, £360k and £375k. I’m happy to take the middle figure he wants to go with £350k

outstanding mortgage £130,500

his salary £81k (plus bonuses he currently won’t go into)

my salary £12k ish

pension 1 £198,500
pension 2 £10,000 (estimate)
pension 3 £103,500

i gained a degree in 2011, he was deeply unimpressed with my return to education and using it to work full time would not have gone down well. I’m now 51. I feel stupid that I threw over 30 years away supporting someone who clearly never gave a fucking about me outside of being a maid and a nanny.
i also put around £90k of my own inheritance into the house in 2018. Something I know I’ll never get back.

he’s cut me off I have no access to money or financial advisors like he has and I feel he’s trying his best to make me go away with as little as possible.

I’d appreciate any input. Thanks.

It doesn't matter how he wants to split the money. You need to pay for a decent solicitor to go through the figures or you will end up being bullied into accepting less.

Get a solicitor to work out the right split.

You can already visualise the inequity of what he is offering.

You do need advice and to allow the lawyers to do the arguing. I would hope there's some sort of accepted process for this calculation as it doesn't doenst sound particularly complex (apart from the fact he won't like the answer).

He’s a cheeky fucker! You will get at least half the pension and the equity and he knows it!! Plus at least half of everything else - savings, high value items etc

key wording being ‘at least’. You sacrificed your career for his benefit. There’s a huge wage disparity. This £180 could be the best £180 you’ve ever spent.

Move back in, put a lock on your bedroom door and ignore him. Use the money you are t spending on a room on a good lawyer.

I lived with an unbearable soon to be ex husband for a year. It was awful at first but I learned to switch off from him - the house was mine too and me being there was encouragement for him to get a move on and sort the divorce etc.

Er, no.
Look at the total assets - equity, savings, pensions. Sounds like that's over £500k? And he wants to fob you off with £109, 140 at a push? No.

Go to a solicitor and put it on a credit card. The debt will be factored into the settlement.

On your basic figures above, I suspect their estimate of settlement will be closer to half of pension (£155k) plus half of equity (£115k) plus something to recognise the inequality of incomes.

I'd be aiming for £300k as a starting point. Don't accept his offer which is derisory at best.

agree @Meadowfinch

you absolutely must use a proper solicitor. You can pay the fees with the money you get out the divorce.

he is 100% trying to massively short change you. Don’t let it get any further down the one with this nonsense. There’s a reason he doesn’t want you to go after his pensions and that’s because it suits him and not you!!!!!

He's totally and utterly taking the piss. You cannot do this without paying for a solicitor.

OP, it's important that you accept your dh is no longer your friend. He is trying to rip you off to the tune of £150k. Think about that. He doesn't give a toot about you, and will lie and mislead to get his own way.

From now on, you must regard everything he says as a lie. Don't believe a word he says.

Sometimes all those years working as a team become a habit and it's hard to stop. This man is no longer on your team and clearly has no sense of what is fair at all. Good luck

As others have said, your solicitor should agree to be paid out of the settlement. If you get £100k more than he is offering, through using a good solicitor, then it's a win-win situation. Make that part of that first discussion you have with them. And make sure they are aware of the inheritance payment that you put into the property too.
Good luck.

@JayJayy not on your life is that fair!! take him to the cleaners for your full rights!! you have earned it even though you physically did not go out to work. you looked after house and his children at his request! definitely go after his pensions and half the house as well as getting full disclosure on his wages and bonuses!! you need to buy a house to live in and there is zero chance of that on what he is offering!

He’s having a laugh.

how it works op is you do the solicitor stuff, then it goes to court for sign off, and if it’s not fair, they would just say no.

this is, blindingly obviously, not fair.

the starting point is half of EVERYTHING. So if you’re halving the house equity, you get half of his pension too. Though how me and ex did it, was he kept his pension, I kept the house as they were worth roughly equal.

he is being a complete cunt as he knows you can’t afford solicitors. But it sounds like you can’t not afford solicitors ifswim.

Absolutely not OP. 50/50 is the starting point for all assets including inheritance and there is a chance of a higher split in your favour due to the earning power discrepancies.

Get a solicitor involved - they will pay for themselves and as has been mentioned all debts accrued form part of the post.

Let’s stop with the “he made me do it” regarding the OPs decision to work part time.
she decided to work PT, he supported her through Uni, she’s only 51 so gas at least 25 years to build her pension.
the courts will likely award OP 50% of all assets, which if she chooses could be a bigger cash amount for a smaller share of his pension. She needs to work FT in order to maximise her mortgage potential now.
OP, get a decent lawyer, stop trying to negotiate with him- he’s going to be as unreasonable as he can get away with!

He is trying to rip you off massively.

£150k? And all the rest!!!!!!!!

OP what’s his pension worth? It’s interesting he’s happy to reach down the back of the sofa and pay you a bit more to stay away from his pension. Funny, that.

He is not being fair, he has no reason to be fair, he wants to maximise his share. You need a lawyer to make sure you maximise your share. As said above you should be able to pay the lawyer out of your settlement, so him with holding money shouldn't stop you getting help and they may be able to force him to loosen the purse strings until the final settlement is made.

£155.5 is your share of pensions and £115 is your share of the house.

Don't accept any less and negotiate what you are having from the contents of the house.

Starting point is half of everything. Please get some proper legal advice, he is definitely trying to pull a fast one.

You think she should work until she's mid 70s?

The pensions - if any are defined benefit then the valuation is different on them as they’re gold plated. Don’t just look at the transfer value.

He isn’t being remotely fair - see the lawyer and if necessary move back in regardless of what an arse he is whilst its all settled - I know someone in almost exactly this situation who got the house . They then got a full time job out of which they paid the mortgage and later down the line 10 years) drew £100k off the house to give them access to a bit more cash in lieu of pension etc .

Just agreeing with everyone else - get a solicitor, asap. He's a complete turd.

You have contributed financially (your income, plus your inheritance) PLUS you have been married for a long time, taking on the bulk of the house and childcare to facilitate him atually being able to have this lovely high paying job. And now he wants to screw you out of a MASSIVE portion of the combined marital assets?

Hell NO. Get a solicitor and ask for payment to come from final settlement. At bare minimum, I'd expect you to come out with at least £250k but actually probably more.

You need to pay for legal advice.

Do you have access to any money in joint savings? If so, take your half out immediately. Use it to pay for a proper solicitor.

You should be entitled to half of everything as a starting point.

See a solicitor and take proper advice. Go for half his pensions and a fair split of equity.

You absolutely need to be full time working now though to build up your own pension.