Anonymous funky pigeon card

[Spuggz]

I’ve received a really horrible card from this company but it has no details of who sent it, it’s the second card sent because the wife of my friend received one in the same subject with my contact details on it? Is it a police matter? What can I do?

@Ilikeadrink14 that's such a shame, I get some women and sometimes men can be horrible if they're not trusting, maybe because I'm not like this is a downside to who I do or don't suspect could do this!

@Itchingear I've said that in completely the wrong way, obviously giving the wrong impression 🤦‍♀️

I would give the police a try. They can only say no.

It's not just you that's received a card, it's the wife of your colleague as well. I'd ask him/his wife for a photo of it and report the pair of cards to the police - FP would most likely hand over the details to the police if asked.

I do think that sending a card to the wife, with your contact details on, is really bad. If it had your physical address, then you legitimately could feel threatened because someone could want to hurt you for this perceived affair.

If you do ask colleague/wife for a photo in order to report to the police, and they are in any way reluctant, that may flush the wife out if she did in fact do it.

I've already got a copy of it, was one of the first things I asked for when he told me, She seems to be looking into it as well which is why I've never suspected her,

@Spuggz

Although I get not wanting your personal and professional lives to 'intersect', they already do. You and this man are friends, or at least something more than coworkers.

I think you do need to speak to his wife. Or rather give her the opportunity to speak to you. Depending on her reaction to all of this (does she believe it?) you can offer her the reassurance that nothing is going on. You don't have to end up 'besties' just because you have an honest conversation.

How did you find out that she had a similar card? Who contacted whom?

Are you both having an emotional affair ?

wild card thought …. Would he have done this ?
Is he happy in his marriage ?
Has he ever expressed any interest in you . Hopes for more , said he has feelings ?

Do they have kids?

I too would put money on it being the wife or perhaps a child of theirs (maybe even himself).

No one else would be this invested.

@Imbusytodaysorry He isn't clued up enough to be able to do it, but he's also not that type of person,

@CrazyOldMe I received the card first and spoke to him instantly, then he sent me a pic of the card she had received the same day,

@AcrossthePond55 Neither of us have ever shown anything more than just friendship, It's just never come up and I think if it did it would be something we would feel comfortable enough with each other to talk about it, and if needs be have less contact with each other on a personal level.

They do, they have 2 grown up kids together and she has 1 from a previous marriage. All of them are in their 30's and he has a great relationship with them all,

It is really not that difficult to find someone's address if you're determined - electoral register -192 lots of ways which involve little or no cost.

If it is the wife and he says he doesn't think it is - she must have never voiced any concern about your relationship as surely he would say - this is all I need she already thinks there is something going on.
Unless you are having an affair and the card is to show you someone knows - the card to you seems pointless as you know you are not having an affair and it doesn't upset a partner. The card to you is likely a cover for the card to her - it might look odd if just she got one.
Why not send the card to him?because they want her to know - he could have got it and binned it without saying anything to her.

That is a personal thing to do and does not seem to something a business rival would do.
If I was him - I would look to see if she has a fp account and login and see what has been sent.

Not clued up on how to go about getting info from the electoral role but would you not need the right spelling for my name, or do you think that they've done this intentionally?

Almost certainly done deliberately.

I can’t believe that company would print and send it.

I would contact the police where they can trace the sender by their payment details.

It's done automatically I presume. I can't imagine there's a staff member with a pile of cards individually typing the message out and putting cards through a printer.

Tell husband and wife you are going to the police with it as its malicious communications. They'll either do thr same or one of them will shit themselves

Somebody sending a card saying “I know you’ve been having an affair, you need to come clean and end things” or whatever isn’t, in reality, going to be of interest to the police. If the cards continued, they’d be able to consider it harassment and take action. Before then, they’ll just tell OP to ignore it and get on with her life.

I think this is less about someone you have angered and much more about someone HE has angered.

Really this is no skin off your back. You’re single and obviously handling it well ish. But it’s his marriage that they are trying to implode and his wife they are messing with. My guess is this is a business associate he’s pissed off, someone he has had an affair with or who he rejected, or the partner of said woman, or a family member with an ax to grind because of longstanding family tension (who knows enough about his work to know you have worked closely together for a long time). He may not jump up and down with a name of who he suspects, because he may not want to out himself.

I do think there is rarely smoke without fire. Someone is angry and out for revenge and it will be obvious to one of you who it is. If it’s not obvious to you, then it must be to him.

I'd tell him to inform his wife you're going to the police about it and thanks for the copy of the card she was sent.
See how his wife reacts to that.

Neither of us have ever shown anything more than just friendship, It's just never come up and I think if it did it would be something we would feel comfortable enough with each other to talk about it, and if needs be have less contact with each other on a personal level.

@Spuggz

I didn't mean to infer there was anything improper between you and him. Just that you and he are more than 'simply' coworkers. There's nothing wrong with the two of you being friends.

My point was that if either he or his wife feels the need for her to be reassured by you that nothing's going on, then you should speak to her but only if she wants it. You seemed to state that you felt no desire to talk to her. I'm just saying that it could be a kindness to her and doing so doesn't mean you have to make her a friend.

You may not be having an affair, but it certainly sounds like he's having an emotional affair with you. So I suspect his wife has sent them to try and force the issue. Because no wife wants to play second fiddle to a young female work colleague their husband talks about everything with.

While chatting on this thread I have told him I'm going to the police and he's happy that I am, obviously his wife is distressed by it all ( or is pretending to be ) so he wants it all dealt with asap.