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Original poster

Ex threatening police on me for “revenge porn”

113 replies

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 23/01/2025 19:17

I am highly stressed.
This ex manipulated me into sleeping with him by telling me he wanted to marry me and move in with me.
he “doxed” me by giving his friends my name and address and diagnoses and frightened me by sending me death threats on anonymous accounts. I didn’t report it to the police because I didn’t want him to be in any trouble.
The other month someone sent me photos of him in a thong dressed up as a woman, there are no nude parts shown. I was shocked. I sent it to his mother on Facebook and sent it to two of his friends who I thought would want to know. At the time I was being told by the person who sent me the photos that he was manipulative and has hurt all the girlfriends he has ever had which added up as it’s what he did to me. He is now saying by sending the photos I have done revenge porn and it’s punishable by two years in prison. It turned out that someone had made him do this to humiliate him years ago. He’s just told me this now and I don’t know what to think.

OP posts:
yy99 · 23/01/2025 19:19

Yes, you shouldn't have sent the photos to anyone else OP. Why would his mum or anyone else need to see photos of him in an intimate state.

It doesn't matter how abusive/shit he was. If it's reported to police you will be subject to an investigation.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/01/2025 19:21

Sorry but you’ve committed a criminal offence by sending intimate photos of someone without their consent.

Whatever he’s done (and he sounds vile) that is absolutely not ok.

lunar1 · 23/01/2025 19:21

I imagine that would come under revenge porn, you sent it to three people including his mum!

Snoopdoggydog123 · 23/01/2025 19:22

I would seek legal advice
Do not corrospond with the police in any way without representation.

Scutterbug · 23/01/2025 19:22

Yes you have committed an offence. I cannot understand why you would send the picture to his mother? Wtf.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 23/01/2025 19:23

You cannot argue you were in the right here…

yy99 · 23/01/2025 19:23

If someone- say for example your ex/an acquaintance/friend anyone- was sent a picture of you in an intimate state... would you not be distressed if I was then forwarded on to your mum and friends?

And it doesn't matter than "nothing" is showing. It doesn't haven't to be "indecent" i.e nude.

The offence is actually called sending intimate images with intent to cause distress or humiliation or for sexual gratification.

What you sent is an intimate image.

I think you'll have a hard time proving it wasn't for the former- distress and humiliation. It's obvious it would cause that if he is dressed in women's lingerie.

And even if you'd reported him for previous stuff, it wouldn't prevent you from being investigated and potentially charged with an offence in relation to this.

FoxInTheForest · 23/01/2025 19:23

I would try to do the "unsend" feature if possible.
If they haven't saved the photo it should remove it from their phone too.
If it's not intimate then it's not porn, it's just a photo of him wearing clothes, I would think you have a case to argue there.

YeezysBeans · 23/01/2025 19:23

WHY would you feel the need to send it to people including his mum?! I can't understand or think of any reason you'd feel the need to do this, other than as revenge tbh.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 23/01/2025 19:24

Why would they ‘want to know’?

KilkennyCats · 23/01/2025 19:24

What possessed you to send it to his Mum??

yy99 · 23/01/2025 19:24

FoxInTheForest · 23/01/2025 19:23

I would try to do the "unsend" feature if possible.
If they haven't saved the photo it should remove it from their phone too.
If it's not intimate then it's not porn, it's just a photo of him wearing clothes, I would think you have a case to argue there.

The police can do digital forensics, so trying to hide it this way won't work.

RitaFromTheRanch · 23/01/2025 19:24

Holy moly. Why on Earth send it to others?

SaltyPig · 23/01/2025 19:24

You cannot be serious that (if this has any veracity) you thought it was ok to send these photos to his mum and friends.

Rachmorr57 · 23/01/2025 19:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 23/01/2025 19:27

I’m shitting myself in fear now

OP posts:
CulturalNomad · 23/01/2025 19:27

You broke the law and need legal advice. You were in the wrong and all your justifications don't change that fact. Stop discussing this with people and seek legal counsel.

chargeitup · 23/01/2025 19:30

I sent it to his mother on Facebook and sent it to two of his friends who I thought would want to know.

Why?
Why did you send it to his mother?
Why did you send it to friends who 'would want to know'.

Know what? His personal business?

yy99 · 23/01/2025 19:30

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 23/01/2025 19:27

I’m shitting myself in fear now

What did you think would happen?

If you were "just letting them know", and say for example had no way to contact him- a reasonable thing to do would be to message ONE person mum or friends and say "hi I'm just letting you know that so and so has sent me an indecent image of ex, I thought he may want to know".

But instead you sent the actual image to THREE people?!?

I'm sorry OP but whatever excuses you make it very much looks intentional.

If he reports you to police you will be entitled to a free duty solicitor who can give you advice.

Original poster
Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 23/01/2025 19:39

I was shocked about the photos of him dressed as a woman as he would bang on for hours about how much he hates trans people frequently. The two friends I sent it to were similar. It was more to break apart their friendship if anything because they are a group of friends that caused a load of trouble for me including sending death threats and they are more intimidating together than alone. I thought it would change things. Turns out one of them already knew and didnt care, the other hadnt seen it but didnt really care . I sent it to his mother because he still lives with her part time, and for proof because it sounds unbelievable to just say that i received one. although i see the point that i didnt need to, but i didnt consider that at the time. and i wasnt talking to my ex at the time

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 23/01/2025 19:41

I thought she would give him a speaking to but it was an after thought that maybe she contributed to him turning out the way that he is now

OP posts:
CatG021024 · 23/01/2025 19:41

If there is no nudity it is not revenge porn. A picture of a man in underwear would not fall into this category. Whilst I am no expert, I suspect the Police may warn you about your behaviour if he reports it to them. Request legal advice before speaking with them. Do not communicate any further with him, his friends or family. You probably need to think about why you did what you did, it was reckless behaviour but you aren't going to prison.

BeLilacSloth · 23/01/2025 19:44

So you thought you’d break a friendship apart by humiliating your ex? And also try turning his mum against him? OP this makes you sound really petty and childish, but I agree with the above, I don’t think you’re going to prison.

roibustea · 23/01/2025 19:44

I hope he does go to the police, you are very much not the good guy here. If someone sent intimate and/or humiliating photos of me to my friends and family, I would absolutely report it and I would encourage anyone else to do the same. It's a very serious crime.

Anothermathstutor · 23/01/2025 19:46

Why is everyone giving OP a morality lesson? This is legal advice.

For it to meet the definition there’s two parts:

  1. sharing private sexual photographs without consent
  2. with the intent to cause distress
  • were the photos sexual? This would mean nude or partially nude. Being dressed as a woman does not meet this even if that clothing is revealing.
  • Did they not consent to sharing?
  • were you aiming to cause HIM distress? Or were you simply letting his mum and close friends know what was going round on the internet and sent to you since you don’t have contact with him? (Think about that)

This would be unlikely in the public interest so even if it met the definition I doubt CPS would charge and you definitely wouldn’t go to prison.